Random Thoughts on Teenagers

• Teenagers revert back to their toddler behavior.  There's a lot of fit throwing, crying, stomping, slamming doors, and whining.  By the way, they don't appreciate being told stories of their toddler years.

• I remember when I had my second child.  My sister brought my oldest to the hospital to visit.  She looked so huge to me!  It was like she had grown up over night. Same thing happened the other night when my oldest left with her two younger siblings to go to the church.  Driving.  When they got back home (an hour later) and she was holding the car keys, she looked so grown up to me!  Like she had grown up over night.

• I have the hardest time with the "odd" ages.  I think 2 year olds are cute, but 3 year olds are just a pain sometimes.  And those 7yr olds are just hard before they get to that magical age of 8. And don't even get me started on 11 year olds. Luckily, I spaced my kids perfectly. 3yrs - July; 9yrs, 11yrs - December; 13yrs - March; 15yrs - May; and finally 17yrs - August.  Three teenagers in the house.  And all at the odd years. I have a feeling it's going to be a "fun" year.

Work = Joy

Making friends is hard work.

And it gets harder the older I get.

It seemed so easy when I was younger.

It just happened.

I had great friends in high school and college.

Then life moved on.

Even as a young mom it was easy to make friends because what else was there to do except hang out with each other and talk about our "experiences".

I've always envied those women who have lived in the same place for a long time.

I imagine it would be easier to transition from that young mom time to busy life and still keep your friends.

Whenever I've moved its been harder to make friends with people my age.

And its not because people are not nice.

It's just that life is so much busier with older and more kids.

It really takes an effort to put myself out there and make friends.

Its just easier to deal with my own life and be alone.

But women friends are necessary for my growth.

So making friends, as uncomfortable as it is at first, is worth it to me.

Every time I have moved somewhere and put myself out there I have found other women willing to do the same.

It just takes some work.

But the pay-off for me is huge.

Yesterday I went on a hiking adventure with 3 other women and their families.

I think the kids had fun.

But, mostly for me, it was about making new friends.

Friendship, like anything else that takes work, brings me joy.

Lost

I never take my watch off.

Well, almost never.

I was getting ready to go running.

I went to take it off my wrist so I could hold it while I run.

It's easier to see it that way. (I'm only up to run 1 min./ walk 2 min.)

It wasn't on my wrist.

Where was it?

Did it fall off?

Oh, I must have left it in the temple locker yesterday.

Darn it.

I borrowed a watch from my daughter.

I went running/walking.

I came home.

I got in the shower.

I always check what time it is when I get in so I'm not in too long.

My watch said 9:10.

My watch?

Yes.

It was on my wrist.

You see, I always wear it . . .

. . . on my left wrist.

For some reason I checked my right wrist in the morning.


This is what my mom calls "halfz-heimers".

Fantasy

Just because I'm weird . . .

After shampooing and cleaning the hair off my fingers (tmi), I found a really white one.

The first thought that came to my mind was,


"I found a unicorn hair!"


I think I might need to expand my reading genre.

Grow Up

These are two words that, at times, I really want to say to my child.

But I'm also afraid of it happening.

This child is smart and hilarious and so unconcerned with what others think. Sometimes (often) it comes off as loud and obnoxious. But, because she doesn't care, she has a freedom I think most people would love to have.

She wears what she wants, cries when she's sad, and laughs really loud at jokes. She knows the answer to everything and will give the shirt off her back to anyone who needs it.

She still believes in Santa fiercely. She told me the other day that she can't believe that no one in her 6th grade class believes in Santa or the Tooth Fairy. "Can you believe I'm the only one? What's wrong with them?"

I love that innocence about her.

At the same time, I get worried because it would be nice for her to understand reality, recognize situations for what they are, and try to fit in.

But even as I write this I think, why do I want that?

I've probably spent too much of my life trying to fit in. Do I really want that for her? Not really.

But, I think that at some point it will happen. She will grow up and then all the hurtful things people say and do (especially in junior high) are going to matter.

I definitely don't want that to happen.

So I guess that I hope she stays just the way she is and everyone continues to love her and accept her for who she is.

We could use a few more grown-ups like her anyway.

Bring It On!

Yesterday I turned 40.

Today, I just am 40.

About 8 months before my daughter turned 4 she started talking about her birthday. She had it all planned and would come up with new ideas all the time. She was so excited about it for the whole 8 months leading up to it.

Well, 8 years ago I heard about some friends who had just celebrated their 40th birthday by having a sleepover and watching Pride and Prejudice. It sounded like so much fun. I wanted to celebrate my 40th the same way and make it fun instead of just being "old".

It didn't happen.

At first I was sad. What was the point of turning 40 if I couldn't make it a big deal?

So, I decided I needed a new focus.

I thought about my bucket list and all the things I still need to accomplish.

Then I figured out how old each of my kids would be when I turned 50.

And I realized, wow that is a lot of life left to happen.

So, now I say: Bring it on!

Tunnel Vision

So lately I've been thinking about age. It's been coming up a lot in conversations. It seems to be that at some point everyone goes through a type of awakening. I guess some would call it a mid-life crisis. One of my friends says it happens around 31 or 32 and that sounds about right to me.

So this is what my "awakening" was like. By the time I was 32, I had 4 kids. But I kept wondering when being a mom was going to start feeling real to me. I felt like I was just pretending. I also felt like I didn't know any one who was in the exact same situation as me. I just didn't fit in anywhere.

I have come to believe that most women around this same age feel exactly the same way. "I just don't fit in. Everyone else seems to have it together or know what they're doing and I'm just winging it here."

And then comes the flip.

I'm not sure what happens, maybe life just gets so busy that you stop thinking about yourself and move on and before you know it, it's different. You no longer walk on a college campus and wonder if you still fit in. You walk on it and think, "these kids are so young". You no longer are one of the younger people in your ward. You are in the group that the younger moms look up to.

The reason I call this tunnel vision is because at the beginning of a tunnel you still have the light from behind you to guide you (the way things have always been). But somewhere in the middle that light is too far away to see and you have to start looking for the new light which lies ahead (the way you want to be).

I think of the women I look up to. Moms, grandmas, "older" sisters. And it must be that the closer you get to the end of the tunnel the more sure you become. I'll call it wisdom.

I'm not in a hurry to get to the end of the tunnel, but I am looking forward to that wisdom.