How to Solve All the World's Problems in Less Than an Hour

Walking with friends is the absolute best.

The walking part is fine, but the best part is talking.

For some reason, during the walk we can figure out how to solve everything that's wrong.

Don't know how to deal with a family issue?

Come walking and by the end, you'll have several different ideas that could work.

Have questions about church doctrine?

So many scriptures and stories and experiences to help build faith.

Can't stand some of the things going on in the news cycle?

For sure, we can have that all figured out and mastered.

What is it about the golden walking hour?

For one thing, we are not trying to impress each other, we're just walking.

And talking.

We trust each other and know we will never get laughed at for any of our ideas.

I wonder if this works for men or if it's just a woman thing.

Because having our male politicians go on walks together might help. 

A lot.

I cherish my friends that are willing to walk with me and talk to me.

And I'm so grateful for all of the advice that I've been given and the examples of faith and power that are shown.

Thoughts from the Women's Broadcast

I loved being able to go to the Women's Broadcast tonight with two of my daughters.

Even better was when we got home and started comparing notes.

Ginny (age 11) - I like how when we go to the women's conference its different than the regular conference in that we know exactly who they are talking to. We don't have to wonder who the talks are directed to, we know for sure that its for us. Some quotes that stood out: Hope will conquer despair; good will conquer evil; joy always comes after sorrow. And, "There's a great need to rally the women of the church to stand with the brethren to stem the tide of evil."  This really shows that the women of the church are totally equal to the men.

Maggie (age 16) - It really stood out to me how much they talked about how the Lord has His own timetable. It's not in our time, it's in His time.  And Sister Oscarson said, "Life rarely works out as planned."

Me (the mom) - There seemed to be a lot about standing up for what we believe in. Sister Stephens said, "If you strengthen a child you strengthen a family."  She also talked about how part of the plan is to be tested. But that it's not just to learn from our own challenges but we can learn as we support others in theirs.  And President Eyring really helped me realize that I cannot fix or even understand other people's sorrows or problems. Only God can really say, "I know how you feel." But, I can try and bring the Spirit with me and love others as I try to comfort them.

It's interesting that we all heard the same talks but different things stood out to each of us.

I think this is what is meant by "differences of administration"(D&C 46:15) in the scriptures.

Oh, is that all?

I tend to over think things.

I also tend to be a bit dramatic.


(cue dramatic music)

Yesterday, I was feeling low.

I started asking myself all the deep questions.

"What am I missing in my life?"

"What have I done wrong?"

"Why am I feeling this way?"

As I pondered and mused and struggled, the answer finally came.

I am tired.

(end dramatic music; cue light bulb sound)


Oh, is that all?

I guess I have been going to bed late.

Well, that's easy.

I can deal with that. 


Like I said, I tend to be dramatic and over think things.

Enough

I have always been a competitive person.  

In fact, it's one of the things that I struggle with in homeschooling; there is no one to compare my children to so I can tell how they are doing.

Since my children are all on different levels of learning and, in fact, have way different personalities from each other, I can't compare them to each other. 

Lately, the problem I've had with being so competitive is that I end up comparing my life to others' as a measure of how I'm doing.

And then when I fall short, or see that I am not as good as someone else, I get down on myself.

So, why do I think I need to be better than others at anything?  And why do I think my children need to be the best?

What is wrong with being ordinary?

President Boyd K. Packer gave a fantastic talk in October 2007 General Conference called "The Weak and Simple of the Church".  My favorite quote from that was:

"And so the Church moves on. It is carried upon the shoulders of worthy members living ordinary lives among ordinary families, guided by the Holy Ghost and the Light of Christ, which is in them."

I want to be ordinary.

And I believe that's all my Father in Heaven wants as well.

He's not expecting fantastic things.  

He's not expecting me to be better than anyone else.  

We are all his children and just like I can't compare any of my children to their siblings because they are all different, He won't compare me to any of my brothers and sisters.

He just wants me to learn, to love, to have joy.

To live an ordinary life.

That doesn't mean I shouldn't have goals to work on; ways that I can improve myself.  But, if I can make it through each day just doing small, ordinary acts of kindness, that is enough.  

There's no reason to believe that what I am right now is not enough to bless other people.  

Just an ordinary mom and daughter of God is enough.
 
I am enough.

A Time (Outfit) For Everything

Have you ever had one of those times when you have been totally over-dressed for an occasion?

(I remember going to one of my Dad's work parties and wearing a dress.  It was an outdoor picnic.  Awkward!?!)

Or, how about under-dressed?  

(Another one of my Dad's work party where everyone seemed to be in evening wear and I may have been in pajamas!?!)

Either way, it's uncomfortable.


Well, it happened to me again this Sunday.

I found this awesome outfit; one of those jacket/skirt combinations.  

I loved it (still do) and I felt so mature wearing it.  

I felt like I had finally arrived.  


And then . . .  

Church happened.


I spent the entire three hours wrestling with whiny children.

I didn't get to go to any of my classes because some of these whiny children refused to go to theirs.

I came home crabby.  

But, I couldn't figure out why.  It's not like this has never happened before.  

In fact, it happens a lot lately.  So what was the big deal?


Then I realized; I had been overdressed.

 I was wearing an outfit that made me feel like I had it all together.  

An outfit that is not usually worn by others who are struggling with children.  
(At least not outwardly, or physically. )

And it is not my time yet to be done "struggling" with my children.

I am right in the middle of my journey.

This is my time to be surrounded by children: be they whiny, rebellious, obnoxious.

Be they sweet, tender, innocent.


I need to remember what time it is in my life right now.  And dress (live) appropriately.  

I'm not saying that means that I can never wear this particular outfit.  

What it does mean to me is that I shouldn't wish my life away from what it is right now.

I'm sure there will come a time when I will sit through all of my church meetings.  Maybe even alone.


There is a time for everything.  

Daily Scrum

My husband got this idea from some managerial techniques that he had read about.

Basically, you get together and tell everyone what you have accomplished that day.  And then what you plan on doing next.

Our idea for starting it came from the fact that some of our kids complain that we make them do everything! all the time!

But, then sometimes, when we ask them what they have done that day they'll say, nothing!

So, sometime at dinner, we ask them two questions, "what did you get done today? what will you get done tomorrow?"

They don't really want to say nothing because then they can't complain later that we make them do everything!

I thought that the main benefit from doing this would be that my kids would be more motivated to get stuff done.

And there has been some of that.

What I didn't realize, was how helpful it would be for me.

Sometimes by the end of the day, when my house is a disaster;
and there's laundry to be folded;
and dishes to be done;
and a million other things that I didn't get done;
I wonder, "what did I do all day long"

But, as I go through "the scrum" I realize, "wow, I did accomplish some stuff today."

And it's actually some pretty important stuff like teaching my children, and feeding them, and loving on them.   
 
And because I feel better about myself, I'm more likely to get that other stuff done.  

It's always better to focus on the positives rather than dwelling on negatives.

Hooray for Daily Scrum!

Being Happy with Who You Are

I was asked to do a presentation for the young women in our church on, "Being Happy with Who You Are".  My first thought was, oh, am I one of those people?  You know the kind that the young women look at and think "well, look at her she seems to be happy even though she shouldn't be." (haha!)

Then I realized its probably just because I'm a positive person and smiling all the time.  So, it was all good.

But, I spent a while thinking about what makes me a happy person.  And I came up with that it's knowing that God loves me no matter what.  

And that my life is so much better when I focus on my strengths instead of my weaknesses.  Anyway, here's what I told the young women:


I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that you shouldn't care what other people think.  That's like telling birds not to fly.  We are women and we care.  In fact, I couldn't figure out what to wear to this tonight, so I called my friends (who happened to be together so they put me on speaker phone!) to help me out.  I care what people think!

So, have you ever laid outside and looked up at the stars and wondered why you matter.  If you imagine all of the people in the world and all the prayers being said to God, "why would he even think of me?"

David, of the Old Testament, wondered this same thing.  "What is man, that thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, that thou visitest him?" (Psalms 8:4) 

Moses had the same feeling after being shown all the inhabitants of the world.  "Now for this cause I know that man is nothing, which thing I never had supposed". (Moses 1:10)  And yet when God spoke to Moses he called him by name, "Moses, my son".

God knows each of us individually.  He knows our name.

I also like the story of Mary and Martha in the Bible.  Jesus was visiting them in their house and Martha was working hard to serve him while Mary wasn't helping her at all.  I've always thought of myself a little bit like Martha "cumbered about much serving". But when Martha complained to Jesus about it, Jesus' response was "Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things:  But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her." (Luke 10:38-42 emphasis added)

Mary had chosen to listen to the Savior, but was Martha bad because she was trying to serve the Lord a different way?  No.  In another passage about Mary and Martha, it says , "Now Jesus loved Martha, and her sister . . ." (John 11:5).  He loved them both the same.

Mary and Martha just had different personalities.  Different strengths.  When their brother Lazarus died they reacted differently.  "Then Martha, as soon as she heard that Jesus was coming, went and met him; but Mary sat still in the house".(John 11:20)  Was one better than the other in their reaction?  No, they are just different people.

All of us have strengths.  I think as women we have a tendency to focus on what our weaknesses are and how can we "fix" what we are bad at right now.  When what we really should be asking ourselves is, "What am I already really good at, that I can do even better to help others?"  

What is something you are good at?

One of the things I'm really good at is crying.  I was always told by my siblings growing up "you're such a crybaby!"  Well, now how is that a strength?  Actually it is.  Because I am an emotional person I can show empathy to others.  It is easy for me to mourn with those who mourn.  I feel deeply and that is OK.  I now look at it as a strength.

What are some of your strengths and how can it help others around you?

Now, another thing you need to know is that God does not love you more or less than anyone else.  He loves everyone the same.  I have learned this more fully in the past year as I have helped some of my cousins. They have made some very poor choices and been in jail.  But guess what, God doesn't love me more than them just because I try to do what's right.  He loves them just as much as me! 

So what is the point in doing all this good stuff?  I do it because I love Him.  It is the choices that we make that bring us closer to God.  And the closer we are to him the more we feel his love.  His love isn't more, we just feel it.  It's like the sun.  The sun shines the same, but when you are in the shade you cannot feel it.  And the closer you get to it the more it warms you.

If you are having a hard time coming up with thinking of a strength you may have, here's a few suggestions.[insert awesome handout that I had hubby make]  You can also ask a parent.  What am I good at?  Or ask a good friend.  And then the hard part - believe them.

I was given a challenge a while back, with some others, to ask God what He thought of me.  I want to give you the same challenge.  Sometime this week when you kneel down to pray, ask God what He thinks of you.  And then wait and listen.  Everyone I know who has taken this challenge and then waited for their answer has felt His love.  I know I have.

God loves each of you unconditionally.  You have a ways to go in figuring out who you are.  You are really just beginning to see yourselves and become who you want to be.  But God knows you.  He sees you as your best self.  And He loves you no matter what.  No matter where you are in your life or what choices you have made - He loves you.

Work = Joy

Making friends is hard work.

And it gets harder the older I get.

It seemed so easy when I was younger.

It just happened.

I had great friends in high school and college.

Then life moved on.

Even as a young mom it was easy to make friends because what else was there to do except hang out with each other and talk about our "experiences".

I've always envied those women who have lived in the same place for a long time.

I imagine it would be easier to transition from that young mom time to busy life and still keep your friends.

Whenever I've moved its been harder to make friends with people my age.

And its not because people are not nice.

It's just that life is so much busier with older and more kids.

It really takes an effort to put myself out there and make friends.

Its just easier to deal with my own life and be alone.

But women friends are necessary for my growth.

So making friends, as uncomfortable as it is at first, is worth it to me.

Every time I have moved somewhere and put myself out there I have found other women willing to do the same.

It just takes some work.

But the pay-off for me is huge.

Yesterday I went on a hiking adventure with 3 other women and their families.

I think the kids had fun.

But, mostly for me, it was about making new friends.

Friendship, like anything else that takes work, brings me joy.

Women & Mothers

I love mother's day.

I was not the most girly-girl growing up. I was really a tomboy and I liked to hang with the guys.

It is through being a mother that I have learned about being a woman. To celebrate the more female qualities within me. To learn to be selfless. To learn to serve and to love unconditionally.

As I lay in bed this morning waiting for the kids to bring me breakfast in bed, I had time to think about mother's day and what it really means to me.

I thought about my cousin who had a baby born still two days ago.

I thought of another cousin who has not had children of her own, but is raising her sister's kids for her and doing an awesome job.

I thought of my friend who has not yet married but has mothered hundreds of young women.

I thought of my friend who worried she would never get the chance to be a mother and is now raising 4 beautiful children.

I thought of another cousin who is waiting for someone to choose her to be a mother.

And I especially thought of my own mother.

I think mother's day is really a day to celebrate womanhood.

I believe that all women have this divine gift to nurture, to love and to teach. And every woman has a choice to share this gift with others, no matter what her situation.

But it is not always easy.

It did not feel like a divine gift as I was cleaning the "garf" off the floor of the kitchen and myself; and washing sheets that were "wet".

Sometimes it's just plain hard.

But it is still a gift to share.

I love being a mother.

And I love being a woman.

And on this day I am thankful for all the women in my life who have taught me by example what these titles really mean.

Invention

def: invent \in-'vent\ 1. to think up 2. to create or produce for the first time

I like that definition.

Especially the second one.

This is the first time in my life when I've had toddlers, not been pregnant, and had children old enough to babysit.

All at the same time.

It's like a new me.

I find myself asking, "who am I?"

Or better yet, "who do I want to be?"

I know that I will always be the same person inside; but I have a desire to improve parts of me.

To create or produce for the first time some part of me that has not been there before.

I've thought about my friends whose lives have not turned out they way they expected.

Marriages came late.

Babies came late and in different ways.

There's never enough money.

Divorce.

And I've thought about how they've had to re-invent themselves from being one type of person to now being something totally different.

That must be hard.

I guess my life is not like I imagined it would be either.

I'm not living with all of the comforts of life that I expected.

But I wouldn't change any of it.

It's the process that has changed me and made me who I am.

The process of inventing a new part of me.

It is sometimes really hard and not always pleasant.

So, what quality or trait will I produce from this new time in my life?

I think its one of those things that I won't know until I'm looking back.

That's ok.

In the meantime I will invent.

Real Women

I am blessed to have amazing women in my life. I like to call them real women.

When I am around a real woman I . . .

. . . know who I am.

. . . can eat what I want without wondering if they think I'm a pig.

. . . can pick up conversations from forever ago without the small talk.

. . . can talk about potty-training and gospel topics in the same breath.

. . . am not embarrassed to cry.

. . . laugh a lot.


To me a real woman is someone who . . .

. . . knows who they are.

. . . has goals that they are always working towards.

. . . makes others feel good without putting themselves down.

. . . loves being a mother and desires it more than anything.

. . . will drop anything just to visit with a friend even for a short time.

. . . is willing to admit faults and weaknesses without wallowing in self-pity.

. . . laughs heartily.




. . . bless my life.

Free Throw

My brother-in-law recently requested, from the family mailing group, ideas on weight loss.

He says he doesn't need it now but he wants some ideas for later on when us "older ones" don't care as much or forget stuff.

Yeah, he's a gem.

Anyway, this was my response and I thought I'd just throw it out here. I guess I did go to college for something.

My Top 5 Healthy Eating Ideas

1. Eat smaller portions more often. (5-6 times a day)
2. Drink a glass of water before or after eating.
3. Eat the right kind of food. (you know what that is)
4. Don't do anything else while you're eating (no driving, watching, reading, etc.). Just focus on the food and tasting/savoring it.
5. Add more movement to your day.

For real weight loss: Keep a food journal (write down what/when you eat and why you're eating).

But, everyone knows this stuff, right? (It doesn't mean we do it.)

Birds and Bees

This is one of those topics that is never very easy to talk about - but I think it needs to be.

I've heard that the top 3 reasons people get divorced are due to problems in communication, money or sex.

There seem to be lots of classes and suggestions about the first two; but what about sex? No one wants to talk about it (which is reasonable due to the private and intimate nature of it).

But what happens if there is a problem in your relationship in that area? Who or where do you get help from?

There have been LDS books (my favorite) published recently that address this issue and they have been hugely popular. But I always think if I check one out of the library eyebrows are being raised. Especially in this time of rampant pornography it makes it more difficult to seek answers without seeming perverse.

Of course, the most important thing is to be totally candid with your spouse. But what else?

This should be the role of the parents, but how many of us are really comfortable talking about this with them, or they with us. (Luckily, I could talk about this stuff)

I am a very open person (probably too open) but I feel sorry for these young newlyweds who may not know where to turn to.

I've often wondered if there shouldn't be a Relief Society lesson on this subject at least once a year; or a more frank discussion about this in pre-marriage counseling.

There definitely is a line to draw when discussing things so they don't get too personal, but I am believer in how important this part of a marriage is.

Anyone else out there feel the same way?

I Am Woman, Hear Me Sing!

I love being a woman!

And I love belonging to the largest women's organization in the world: The Relief Society of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

I know there are people out there who think that Mormon women are relegated to a lower status and have no power.

Whatever.

After our general meeting broadcast on Saturday, I feel like the most powerful person in the world.

I was reminded of all the influence I have as a woman. In my home, in my community, in the world.

I loved the music that they chose for the meeting. The words had such meaning to me.

First, I loved that we sang the 7th verse of 'How Firm a Foundation':

The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose
I will not, I cannot, desert to his foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I'll never, no never, I'll never, no never, I'll never, no never,
no never forsake.

( Can you tell that I really like that word never!)

Then for the closing hymn 'As Sisters in Zion':

As sisters in zion, we'll all work together;
The blessing of god on our labors we'll seek.
We'll build up his kingdom with earnest endeavor;
We'll comfort the weary and strengthen the weak.

The errand of angels is given to women;
and this is a gift that, as sisters, we claim;
to do whatsoever is gentle and human,
To cheer and to bless in humanity's name.

How vast is our purpose, how broad is our mission,
if we but fulfill it in spirit and deed.
Oh, naught but the Spirit's divinest tuition
Can give us the wisdom to truly succeed.

When I was serving a mission my I changed the 3rd verse to: how vast is our purpose "we're broads on a mission!" And I've already discovered that wisdom comes from experiences.

So, let me give you my interpretation of that last verse.

What is my mission? To serve others. But, only God can give me the experiences I need to succeed. (Whether I think I want those experiences or not.)

So what am I trying to say?

Just that I love being a woman - ROAR!!!!!