Be Myself

More than a decade ago, our family spent the summer being "homeless".

(that's a post for a different time)

During that time, I wrote a post about my drug of choice.

Being organized and structured was how I stayed sane.

At the time I had 7 kids all at home and it was chaotic.

Now that most of my kids are adults, the chaos is different.

And I recently spent a few years trying to get away from my "structured" personality.

For some reason, I felt that I needed to be a more "go with the flow" type of person.

I didn't like my black and white thinking.

Was there really a need to have all of that structure?

This quote from Sis. Patricia Holland really resonated with me.

"For many years I tried to measure the ofttimes quiet, reflective, thoughtful Pat Holland against the robust, bubbly, talkative, and energetic Jeff Holland and others with like qualities. I have learned through several fatiguing failures that you can’t have joy in being bubbly if you are not a bubbly person. It is a contradiction in terms. I have given up seeing myself as a flawed person because my energy level is lower than Jeff’s, and I don’t talk as much as he does, nor as fast. Giving this up has freed me to embrace and rejoice in my own manner and personality in the measure of my creation. Ironically, that has allowed me to admire and enjoy Jeff’s ebullience even more. 

Somewhere, somehow the Lord “blipped the message onto my screen” that my personality was created to fit precisely the mission and talents he gave me. For example, the quieter, calmer talent of playing the piano reveals much about the real Pat Holland. I would never have learned to play the piano if I hadn’t enjoyed the long hours of solitude required for its development. This same principle applies to my love of writing, reading, meditation, and especially teaching and talking with my children. Miraculously, I have found that I have untold abundant sources of energy to be myself. But the moment I indulge in imitation of my neighbor, I feel fractured and fatigued and find myself forever swimming upstream. When we frustrate God’s plan for us, we deprive this world and God’s kingdom of our unique contributions, and a serious schism settles in our soul. God never gave us any task beyond our ability to accomplish it. We just have to be willing to do it our own way. We will always have enough resources for being who we are and what we can become." (LDS Women’s Treasury: Insights and Inspiration for Today’s Woman, p.98)

I do believe it was good for me to step back and figure out why I do things the way I do.

And to make sure that my way wasn't getting in the way of the Lord's way.

But, I also realized that I don't have to be like anyone else.

God will use my strengths to accomplish His work and glory.

D&C 88:74 - Personal Study

 "And I give unto you, who are the first laborers in this last kingdom, a commandment that you assemble yourselves together, and organize yourselves, and prepare yourselves, and sanctify yourselves; yea, purify your hearts, and cleanse your hands and your feet before me, that I may make you clean;"

This is the scripture that stands out to me today.

Here are my thoughts on it:

1. Assemble - I need to be where I'm supposed to be.

2. Organize - Everything has a rule. I need to make sure I know what the rules are; I want to understand God's laws.

3. Prepare - I need to soften my heart and focus on God's will not my will.

4. Sanctify - One definition of this word is 'to make binding'. I need to remember my covenants.

5. Purify & Cleanse - I need to repent often and come into Christ.

 

Cluffs Like Food

We really like food in our family.

It's a bit of a running joke in our family to say, "Cluffs like food."

My husband has a family history book of the Cluff family from late 1800s and early 1900s.

Our family got a kick out of reading the descriptions of the different family reunions.

A lot of the descriptions were about the food served.

That's why all the food times on my schedule are marked in bold.

Eating is important to us.

It's in our blood.

Also, if I didn't put regular eating times into the schedule, I'm pretty sure that my kids would be grazing all day long!

There are not a lot of chances to feel in control of life right now.

Making a schedule of food gives me at least a sense of control in that area.

I even scheduled out each day's snacks and lunches for 2 weeks.

And, like all hard schedules that I write out, they end up being "guidelines".

My kids know what food is in the house and they get one type of snack per day at the appropriate time.

It makes my life easy.

And my kids get fed. 

And in case anyone is interested, here's our list of snacks and lunches:

Pretzels*
Granola bar
Fruit
Crackers*
Gogurt
Goldfish*
Nuts
Popcorn
Veggies/Hummus
Treat
Nachos
Sandwich
Pasta
Ramen
Pizza Quesadillas
Mini Pizzas
Mini Sandwiches
Leftovers

* they read the serving size on the labels to know how much they get.

The thing is, my kids are always hungry.

So, my favorite line to use is, "It takes 30 days to starve. Come talk to me after not eating for 29 days."

I guess it sounds kind of harsh.

I really love my kids.

And I love my sanity.

And, we really like food.

COVID-19 Schedule

I thought that I would post the schedule that is currently working for my family.

The ages of my kids are 18, 16, 12, 10.

I have always been a schedule person (see here).

5:30am-8:00am - Mom time (this is when I exercise, read scriptures, pray, get ready, etc)
8:00am - Breakfast
8:30am - Family scriptures
9:00am-11:00am - School work
          -Snack break-
More school
12:00pm - Exercise time
12:30pm - Lunch
1:00pm-2:30pm - Quiet Time
2:30pm - Zone cleaning
          -Snack break-
3:00pm-6:00pm - Project time/other school/free time
6:00pm - Dinner
They take turns picking a movie or show to watch every night after the kitchen/dinner is all cleaned up. As long as they got all of the necessary school work done.
9:00pm - Bedtime

It's working pretty good for us so far.

I'll post more about each block another time.

I'm trying to post a little bit more to record memories of this time.

Summer Schedule

I've been a bit anxious about school ending.

I'm definitely tired of sending my kids out every morning and the rush/hassle it is.

But, I've been feeling a bit lost about what happens next.

This will be my 3rd summer that I am working part-time while my kids are home. And I'm still trying to get the hang of it.

I finally sat down the other night and got my plan figured out.  In case anyone is wondering why I do this, you can read this old post.

I'm sharing my schedule on this blog in hopes that others will join me - I've always thought, the more the merrier.

5:45 am - walking

7:15 am or so - check in at work

8:00 am - family scriptures

8:30 - 9:30am - breakfast/get ready/morning chores/personal scripture study

Play time!!!

1:30 pm - ? work

6:00 pm - dinner

7:00 pm - evening/kitchen chores

read out-loud book

9:00 pm - bedtime

Monday - Homeschool Day/Library

Temple Tuesday - (little kids watch a movie? or do a trade with another family?)

Friendsday Wednesday - play group/park day/etc.

Thursday - Shopping/One-on-one time/Kids Cleaning Day

Friday Funday - Field trip/Hiking

Saturday - Outdoor (work on house or play!!) 

I'm so lucky that I have the job I have. It is so flexible. 

Which I know I will have to be this summer.

I have grand ideas of what our summer will be like. 

But, even if it doesn't turn out just so, at least I have a foundation to work with.

The Good Part

My life is crazy.

It has been for a long time.

Recently, it got more crazy when I started working outside of my home.

I am a focused person and I do great when I have one thing that I can focus on completely.

For the last 18 years or so, my main focus has been on my family.

But, throw a new job in there and all of a sudden I have to focus on that, too.

So, I did what I always do when I'm feeling overwhelmed.

I made a list.

I listed all of the things that I need, or want, or have to do.

Things like: make dinner, family prayer, visit neighbors, read scriptures, church calling, work, volunteer, read books, clean the house, work in the yard, etc.

I filled an entire page with tasks.

Then, I numbered them according to importance in my life.

I came up with about 7 different levels of priorities.

It has been life changing in helping me focus on what is important.

I found that my natural instinct, when I'm overwhelmed, is to start focusing on things that are lower on my priority list - like decorating my house, or landscaping my yard.

And that even though my job is a high time commitment, it's not in my top levels of priorities.

Then there are those times when I'm having a good day and feel like I have a handle on things. I can go to my list to know what I need to focus on next.


My number one priority category has only  3 tasks in it:

Listen to the Spirit
Read/Study my scriptures
Personal prayers

That's it.

When I start to feel overwhelmed with all that I need to be doing, I stop and focus on that top priority. 

Have I prayed today? Have I studied my scriptures? Am I trying to feel the Spirit?

If I can answer yes to those three questions, then I'm good.

This scripture (Luke 10:42) has always stood out to me:

 41 And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things:

 42 But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.

Those three things are the good part that I choose. 

Kids Cleaning Day

My kids have regular "chores" everyday (get dressed, brush teeth, pick up your stuff, etc.)

Then they have an "after school job" that has to be done before snack (books, toys, couches, downstairs, junk).

And we rotate through "kitchen jobs" every night (garbage, dishwasher, floor, table, food, dishes, sinks, counter).

But every Tuesday is "Kids Cleaning Day".

I have done this different ways. But, I'm kind of excited about my new plan.

Every kid has to do everything on the first list (the oldest helps the youngest).

1. STRAIGHTEN

bed (made mom's way and all toys and books off)
closet (all clothes hung up nicely, no junk on floor)
clothes drawers (they can shove their laundry in everyday except once a week it has to be straightened)
top of dresser (junk collection spot - they have to put it in their treasure box, school drawer, or garbage)
shoes (make sure all shoes are lined up nicely with matches)

After their straightening jobs are done they get to start picking out of the jar.

There are 5 jobs in each category for my 5 school-aged kids.

Each category has its own color so I can just say, go pick a blue one, etc.

2. DUST (blue)
boys room, girls room, living room, playroom, electronics

3. VACUUM (orange)
boys room, girls room, living room, playroom, stairs

4. CLEAN (yellow)
bathroom sinks, toilets, bathroom floor, mirrors, kitchen chairs

5. ORGANIZE (purple)
coloring stuff, games, books, hair stuff, toys

If they happen to pick one that they did last week, they can choose again if they want to and there are any others left. (It gives them motivation to not be the last to pick.)

I like the fact that they might have to clean their brother or sister's room. (So far no arguments there.)

This is a shorter version than what we used to do, so there are some things that are left out (under beds, doorknobs, walls, etc.)

I put those on an "extra" list so when Dad says, "ask mom what job you can do" or mom says, "that just earned you an extra job mister!", well . . . you know the drill.

I'm pretty sure I'll have to come up with something new to keep their interest next year, but so far so good.


sheesh, I guess my kids have to clean a lot!


strike that and reverse


sheesh, I have a lot of kids to clean!

My Drug of Choice

No, this is not about which drug is the best to give a child while travelling. (I haven't found one that works that great for us yet. )

It's about what I've discovered about my own brain chemistry and what works best for it.

When I start getting overwhelmed and things seem on the far side of crazy . . .
I have to get organized.

It's not just a good thing for me. It is like a drug.

My brain can't function without a certain type of organization/drug, to guide it. And then once I have this "drug" in me I am free to be more spontaneous and fun about life.

I have actually used prescription medication before. It was a necessity after baby #6.

I was never able to get to the point where I was able to plan or even think about organizing my life without breaking down into tears.

The real drug allowed me to survive.

While I was on this medication I didn't have to plan things and life went merrily along. But, once I felt ready to organize and plan my life, I knew it was time to try it on my own again.

So, I am done apologizing for having to "get organized". No more thinking that I am a freak when I tell people that I have to get my mind wrapped around things before I can make certain decisions.

I now accept that this is just the drug I need to help me function to my fullest potential.

Here's an example of what I have organized in my brain for this summer.

Activities/Menu
Sunday - day of rest/church; dinner with family
Monday - school/library day; chicken
Tuesday - field trip day; grandma
Wednesday - cleaning day; kid's choice
Thursday - shopping/computer time day; sandwiches/leftovers
Friday - swimming/craft day; favorites
Saturday - field trip day; crockpot

Have I followed this exactly? Nope, not even once.

But its like having a palette of colors to choose from. I can mix and match according to my needs.

Disclaimer: It does take me at least a whole day to come up with "the plan".

But then I can relax and let the summer happen in a stress free manner. I love that the kids aren't constantly bugging me about going to the pool, or getting on the computer. And I know certain things will get done that might tend to get lost in the whirl of summer. Like cleaning, school and field trips that I really want to do.

Anyway, if anyone asks for my designer drug. This is it.

MMD

I have finally found the name of what is wrong with me. (well at least one of the things)

It is called Material Management Disorder.

I know that everything is supposed to have a place and be there, but it just doesn't come naturally to me. There's just too much stuff.

I will hold something in my hand and think, I should put this in a file, but then the disease takes over and I just put it down for later. (I'm totally like Scarlett.)

Or I file too many things with no discrimination of what really should be saved.

Just the other day I created a new file for my coupons. And as I put it in my gigantic file cabinet I had this thought, "yeah, I'm never going to find that folder again." (It took 2 weeks of searching by the way.)

Anyone else feel like they have this?

Are there really people out there that don't have this?

At least now that I know my problem has a name I can face it head on and start curing it.

So c'mon women of MMD - let's unite!




Yeah, who am I kidding - I'm pretty sure it's terminal.