Cluffs Like Food

We really like food in our family.

It's a bit of a running joke in our family to say, "Cluffs like food."

My husband has a family history book of the Cluff family from late 1800s and early 1900s.

Our family got a kick out of reading the descriptions of the different family reunions.

A lot of the descriptions were about the food served.

That's why all the food times on my schedule are marked in bold.

Eating is important to us.

It's in our blood.

Also, if I didn't put regular eating times into the schedule, I'm pretty sure that my kids would be grazing all day long!

There are not a lot of chances to feel in control of life right now.

Making a schedule of food gives me at least a sense of control in that area.

I even scheduled out each day's snacks and lunches for 2 weeks.

And, like all hard schedules that I write out, they end up being "guidelines".

My kids know what food is in the house and they get one type of snack per day at the appropriate time.

It makes my life easy.

And my kids get fed. 

And in case anyone is interested, here's our list of snacks and lunches:

Pretzels*
Granola bar
Fruit
Crackers*
Gogurt
Goldfish*
Nuts
Popcorn
Veggies/Hummus
Treat
Nachos
Sandwich
Pasta
Ramen
Pizza Quesadillas
Mini Pizzas
Mini Sandwiches
Leftovers

* they read the serving size on the labels to know how much they get.

The thing is, my kids are always hungry.

So, my favorite line to use is, "It takes 30 days to starve. Come talk to me after not eating for 29 days."

I guess it sounds kind of harsh.

I really love my kids.

And I love my sanity.

And, we really like food.

Generation Gap

"Another face of pride is contention. Arguments, fights, unrighteous dominion, generation gaps, divorces, spouse abuse, riots, and disturbances all fall into this category of pride."

I've been thinking about this quote from Ezra Taft Benson's talk on Pride.

What is contention in the form of generation gaps?

When I first heard this, the thought came to my mind of older people looking down "on the young kids today!"

And then I thought about the "younger kids" looking at older people thinking that they don't have a clue what's going on anymore.

I guess I'm right in the middle these days because to be honest, I've entertained both of these thoughts.

I live in an area where I'm surrounded by young and old and everywhere in between. 

And sometimes it feels like I don't have very many close friends.

Or at least it doesn't seem like I have any friends that are the same age as me or going through the same stage of life.

(And by friends, I'm talking about people I have actual contact with throughout my day, not just through social media.)

So, I tried to think about who I would consider my friends right now.

They are mostly either the same age as my parents or young moms who are probably closer to my kids age than to mine.

(I'm sure this has a lot to do with the teenage-parenting stage and the time constraints we all have in this situation.)

These friends teach me a lot.

And when I'm with them I don't think about our age differences.

It is just pure friendship. 

I love my generation gap friends!

Re-Gifting

Last year when my parents came out to visit, my mom brought me a present.

It was a flower from a Sweetheart's dance that I went to in high school.

My date didn't have a real corsage to give me until we got into the car to leave and then he just kind of threw this flower thing into my lap.

It was fake and it had a safety pin on the back.

I refused to wear it. I was humiliated.


My mom is still friends with his mom.

When she brought it to me I found out that it had come from one of her dresses and that she hadn't realized, until too late, that he had taken it for the dance.

For 25 years, every time she saw it, she would think of me.

She thought that I should have it.

I'm glad I can laugh about it now, because it was definitely not funny to my 17 year old high school self.


My daughter is going to her first high school dance this weekend. 

Since she's never really done this before and the boy hasn't either, she's a little worried about how it's all going to work. 

She asked me if I thought he would get her a corsage?

I told her that I had an extra one that I could lend her in case he didn't.

Random Thoughts on Teenagers

• Teenagers revert back to their toddler behavior.  There's a lot of fit throwing, crying, stomping, slamming doors, and whining.  By the way, they don't appreciate being told stories of their toddler years.

• I remember when I had my second child.  My sister brought my oldest to the hospital to visit.  She looked so huge to me!  It was like she had grown up over night. Same thing happened the other night when my oldest left with her two younger siblings to go to the church.  Driving.  When they got back home (an hour later) and she was holding the car keys, she looked so grown up to me!  Like she had grown up over night.

• I have the hardest time with the "odd" ages.  I think 2 year olds are cute, but 3 year olds are just a pain sometimes.  And those 7yr olds are just hard before they get to that magical age of 8. And don't even get me started on 11 year olds. Luckily, I spaced my kids perfectly. 3yrs - July; 9yrs, 11yrs - December; 13yrs - March; 15yrs - May; and finally 17yrs - August.  Three teenagers in the house.  And all at the odd years. I have a feeling it's going to be a "fun" year.

Being Happy with Who You Are

I was asked to do a presentation for the young women in our church on, "Being Happy with Who You Are".  My first thought was, oh, am I one of those people?  You know the kind that the young women look at and think "well, look at her she seems to be happy even though she shouldn't be." (haha!)

Then I realized its probably just because I'm a positive person and smiling all the time.  So, it was all good.

But, I spent a while thinking about what makes me a happy person.  And I came up with that it's knowing that God loves me no matter what.  

And that my life is so much better when I focus on my strengths instead of my weaknesses.  Anyway, here's what I told the young women:


I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that you shouldn't care what other people think.  That's like telling birds not to fly.  We are women and we care.  In fact, I couldn't figure out what to wear to this tonight, so I called my friends (who happened to be together so they put me on speaker phone!) to help me out.  I care what people think!

So, have you ever laid outside and looked up at the stars and wondered why you matter.  If you imagine all of the people in the world and all the prayers being said to God, "why would he even think of me?"

David, of the Old Testament, wondered this same thing.  "What is man, that thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, that thou visitest him?" (Psalms 8:4) 

Moses had the same feeling after being shown all the inhabitants of the world.  "Now for this cause I know that man is nothing, which thing I never had supposed". (Moses 1:10)  And yet when God spoke to Moses he called him by name, "Moses, my son".

God knows each of us individually.  He knows our name.

I also like the story of Mary and Martha in the Bible.  Jesus was visiting them in their house and Martha was working hard to serve him while Mary wasn't helping her at all.  I've always thought of myself a little bit like Martha "cumbered about much serving". But when Martha complained to Jesus about it, Jesus' response was "Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things:  But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her." (Luke 10:38-42 emphasis added)

Mary had chosen to listen to the Savior, but was Martha bad because she was trying to serve the Lord a different way?  No.  In another passage about Mary and Martha, it says , "Now Jesus loved Martha, and her sister . . ." (John 11:5).  He loved them both the same.

Mary and Martha just had different personalities.  Different strengths.  When their brother Lazarus died they reacted differently.  "Then Martha, as soon as she heard that Jesus was coming, went and met him; but Mary sat still in the house".(John 11:20)  Was one better than the other in their reaction?  No, they are just different people.

All of us have strengths.  I think as women we have a tendency to focus on what our weaknesses are and how can we "fix" what we are bad at right now.  When what we really should be asking ourselves is, "What am I already really good at, that I can do even better to help others?"  

What is something you are good at?

One of the things I'm really good at is crying.  I was always told by my siblings growing up "you're such a crybaby!"  Well, now how is that a strength?  Actually it is.  Because I am an emotional person I can show empathy to others.  It is easy for me to mourn with those who mourn.  I feel deeply and that is OK.  I now look at it as a strength.

What are some of your strengths and how can it help others around you?

Now, another thing you need to know is that God does not love you more or less than anyone else.  He loves everyone the same.  I have learned this more fully in the past year as I have helped some of my cousins. They have made some very poor choices and been in jail.  But guess what, God doesn't love me more than them just because I try to do what's right.  He loves them just as much as me! 

So what is the point in doing all this good stuff?  I do it because I love Him.  It is the choices that we make that bring us closer to God.  And the closer we are to him the more we feel his love.  His love isn't more, we just feel it.  It's like the sun.  The sun shines the same, but when you are in the shade you cannot feel it.  And the closer you get to it the more it warms you.

If you are having a hard time coming up with thinking of a strength you may have, here's a few suggestions.[insert awesome handout that I had hubby make]  You can also ask a parent.  What am I good at?  Or ask a good friend.  And then the hard part - believe them.

I was given a challenge a while back, with some others, to ask God what He thought of me.  I want to give you the same challenge.  Sometime this week when you kneel down to pray, ask God what He thinks of you.  And then wait and listen.  Everyone I know who has taken this challenge and then waited for their answer has felt His love.  I know I have.

God loves each of you unconditionally.  You have a ways to go in figuring out who you are.  You are really just beginning to see yourselves and become who you want to be.  But God knows you.  He sees you as your best self.  And He loves you no matter what.  No matter where you are in your life or what choices you have made - He loves you.

I have a habit of dispensing advice.

Sometimes (most of the time), the things I hear myself say end up being what I needed to hear.

Here are two gems I recently advised (myself).

1.  Instead of coveting other people's talents and saying: "I wish I could . . . like that person" you should say: "What am I already good at that I that I can do better to help others."

2.  Kids always need to feel special, but especially teenagers; because it's so easy for them to forget.

Good stuff.  I hope I can remember this.

Changes

There are times when you make changes occur that are very noticeable. Like when a child is done with diapers. You realize it immediately. It is a good change and you rejoice.

There are times when you are forced to change and it takes a while to adapt to it. Like daylight savings time. It took me a while to get used to it, but there came a day when I actually felt my body adjust.

Then there are changes that are so subtle that you're not even sure when they happened.

Last weekend my two oldest wanted to go see their school play with another friend. We dropped them off and had them call us when they were ready to be picked up.

When did I become a mom of kids old enough to do that? When did I stop being that overprotective mom who has to be a part of their lives at all times?

It is a change that I welcome and yet, did not recognize.

It is a change that is good for all involved.

I sometimes fear the future and all the changes that will come. I hope that all changes are as smooth as this one.

And I hope that I can recognize and rejoice in them as they come.

War Status Update

I was told that I needed to provide an update on how "the war" is going.

There seems to be some sort of a cease-fire going on. "A" has been diligently showering everyday and paying for underwear. We did drop the prices like she asked since she has not been arguing or complaining.

Mostly, she's been wearing "B"'s clothes.

I was so ready for more tantrums about the loss of clothes, that I really wasn't prepared for this truce. In fact, I had to ask my husband how long we were going to make her pay for her clothes. We hadn't really discussed it.

This morning the question was asked:

"So, if I wash my clothes do I have to give them back to you and pay for them again? or do I get to keep them?"

"Um, yeah, you can keep them, you paid for them."

"Ok."

No yelling, no fighting, just an eerie calm.

She did break down and pay me $5 this morning for a whole new outfit: pants, shirt, undershirt, socks, underwear.

Do I pay tithing on that?

This Is War!

Ok, so that title might be a little much. But that is basically how I was feeling earlier this morning. You see, I have a 13 year old daughter. Enough said? She is a really good person. We just have this problem with discipline. I remember going to a class once that was on How to Discipline Your Toddler. And I remember the speaker saying, you're going to need to remember this, because toddlers and teenagers are not that different. Boy, was she right. So I was trying to remember what my teenager was like as a toddler. She was usually really good. The problem of course was when she wasn't. It was hard to discipline her because she didn't care about anything. It was hard to take things away when she didn't care. And when we would get mad at her she thought it was a funny game. The smirk on her face made us even more insane, causing her to smirk even more. Totally vicious circle. Well, now she's a teenager and guess what, she still doesn't care about much. But I think I figured something out. Here's what I got on my pillow this morning:

Dear Mom & Dad,
I am sorry about yesterday. I made bad choices, but you did make pretty violent punishments. Is there any possible way that we could lessen these punishments ever so slightly? It would make it easier on both of us. I mean, you guys have to enforce these punishments. (it's so nice that she cares about us)
Ok, so I don't care about the no reading, no computer time, no watching other's computer time, and all that. At the moment, I think that's for the best. (so glad she agrees) I will not rush through jobs so I can read and end up forgetting my homework. (totally not the problem) I can work on my pillowcase embroidery. I can write letters to my Lehi friends so we can be pen pals.
But the other part of the punishment is the "violent" part. Sneaking into my room and taking all my clothes while I shower is a bit overreactive. I know I showered disobediently (we gave her the choice of showering now or in the morning, when she refused to decide we said - morning) and I'm sorry, but taking my clothes and making me pay for them is quite drastic. (I know, awesome! and it just came to me)
I'm not going to try to persuade you out of making me pay for my clothes, I'd just like to tweak the payments a bit. (I'm glad she's not going to try and persuade us) I'd be much more willing to pay for the clothes this way. I have 3 choices:
Option A: underwear, socks, bras, undershirts - 50c each; shirts, pants - $1 each; church outfits - $3 an outfit; school outfit (this includes undershirt, shirt, pants, socks) $5. I also get 1 article of clothing of your choice every time I do 1 extra job without complaining. This means complete and well done.
Option B: This option is just the prices lessened as show above.
Option C: This option is the job - clothes option only
These options would increase my willingness to help and pay. By the way, the prices before are way too expensive.
Happy Anniversary!
[name]

So is anyone else laughing hysterically over this letter? She is a really good writer. This letter just made my day. But here's the deal, instead of having to pay for clothes this morning, apparently she had a pair of jeans in the bathroom with her that I didn't get. And her sister, who according to her, is mean to her and annoying, let her borrow some clothes. She thought she had totally got us. The smirk was back.

But one thing I learned from her toddler years, I cannot get angry. Well, I mean I cannot lose it. I will just proceed and see how it all goes. She will get extra jobs, she will not be allowed to read. And she will have to pay for clothes to wear. And I'll also make sure that her love bucket is full so she'll want to be good.

But can you see why it's almost like war?

Worth It

I have an 18 month old. (again)

She is a terror.

One day I was particularly frustrated with her. But, at night she finally let me rock her before she went to sleep. (she has never done that before)

My heart totally melted while I held her and Irealized, this is what makes it worth it.

All the tantrums and naughtiness I can deal with, if I can just hold her close to me for a little while.

Then I thought about my teenager.

She is not a terror, but not far from it some days.

And I realized that I don't get a chance to wash away those feelings by holding her and rocking her to sleep.

So what can I do instead to make me realize that it is all worth it?

Laughing with her, crying with her, letting her become more than I think she is ready for.

Of course it's worth it.