COVID-19 Schedule

I thought that I would post the schedule that is currently working for my family.

The ages of my kids are 18, 16, 12, 10.

I have always been a schedule person (see here).

5:30am-8:00am - Mom time (this is when I exercise, read scriptures, pray, get ready, etc)
8:00am - Breakfast
8:30am - Family scriptures
9:00am-11:00am - School work
          -Snack break-
More school
12:00pm - Exercise time
12:30pm - Lunch
1:00pm-2:30pm - Quiet Time
2:30pm - Zone cleaning
          -Snack break-
3:00pm-6:00pm - Project time/other school/free time
6:00pm - Dinner
They take turns picking a movie or show to watch every night after the kitchen/dinner is all cleaned up. As long as they got all of the necessary school work done.
9:00pm - Bedtime

It's working pretty good for us so far.

I'll post more about each block another time.

I'm trying to post a little bit more to record memories of this time.

Broken Pieces

Here is my scripture thought this week from studying. 

This part in Acts kept reminding me of a talk I thought I had heard somewhere, but I couldn't find a reference anywhere. So, I made up my own.

Acts 27:43-44

43 But the centurion, willing to save Paul, kept them from their purpose; and commanded that they which could swim should cast themselves first into the sea, and get to land:
44 And the rest, some on boards, and some on broken pieces of the ship. And so it came to pass, that they escaped all asafe to land.

The Lord had promised that they all would live.

Some were strong enough to swim to shore.

But some had to use boards or broken pieces to make it.


I imagine using a board to get to land would not be as fast as swimming.

And I'm sure I would not feel in control of the situation.



There are sometimes, in life, when I feel strong enough to accomplish what is needed.

I can "swim and get to land".

But there are lots of other times when I feel that the only way I can make it is by clinging to broken pieces or boards; barely surviving.

I just have to hold on and hope I make it.


Either way, the Lord will fulfill His promises.

He will help me get "asafe to land".

I know He will.


Another thought:

Even if I'm a "broken piece", I can still help others around me.

This accomplishes the Lord's promises, too.

Answers are Blessings

There are a lot of things I can do in the gospel that build my faith.

Steps that make sense and are kind of easy to fulfill.

Reading scriptures, saying prayers, going to church, etc.  

They get me where I need to be.

And then come the times when it feels like I can't move forward anymore.

I get stuck and don't know what's next or what more I can do.

That's when I have to make my prayers more sincere.

I need to really ASK the Lord and SEEK His help.

I have to admit to the Lord that I don't have all the answers.

His answers may come as instructions on what I need to do better.

Or something I need to change.

Maybe a different direction I need to take.

What I need to remember is that His answer will always be a blessing.

Even if it's hard to do.

Especially, if it's hard to do.

Scraping Up the Browned Bits

See the title up there?

I read that in the recipe I made last night.

It's a common instruction when making meat with a bit of sauce.

Last night it was for a Thai Green Curry Meatball recipe.

I've done it when doing roast or stew or pork chops, also.

It's so delicious.

You take all that flavor and get to mix it in with the rest of the ingredients.

Sometimes, I have worried that the final food will end up tasting burned.

But, for the most part, it just adds this depth of flavor that you don't get by just "cooking".


There have been times in my life (and those I love) when it feels like I'm getting "burned".

I get stuck on questions I can't answer.

Life gets "hot" and uncomfortable.


What I need to understand is that God is going to "scrape up the browned bits" into something beautiful.

These bits will eventually add a depth to my life that can't come any other way.

God's purpose is to give me all the "flavor" He can.

It will be good.

The Son

We have had a very mild winter this year.

But the temperature does not always tell the full story.


I walked into church this morning without my coat buttoned up.

Then, I realized I should feel colder because it was only 13 degrees.

I felt warmer than I had the day before when it was 36.


The difference was the sun.


The sun makes all the difference in whether I feel cold or warm.


When I am going through a hard or dark time in my life, the only way to get through it is with the Son.

He makes the cold days seem better even if they aren't.

The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? Psalms 27:1

Stuck in the Snow

We have a lot of snow here! I love it.

But, sometimes, it's not awesome.

This morning, I saw someone stuck in the snow.

I parked my car and got out to help the other woman who was already there.

We pushed.

And we rocked the car.

And we pushed some more.

That car did not want to get unstuck.

Then someone else stopped to help and they pushed with us.

It kept seeming like it was going to get out.

It kept being stuck.

I kicked more snow under the front tires to give it traction.

We tried it in drive. We tried it in neutral.

A couple of more people stopped to help.

Someone even brought some ice melt to put under the wheels to give it some traction.

Pushing it forward actually started getting it stuck more!

Finally, I suggested that she try to drive backward more before we pushed again.

Why would she want to go backward?! 

There was a lot of snow behind the car and she had just made it through all of that!


It worked!

She got the traction she needed, she found a new way forward, and upward and onward she went.


There are times in my life when I have felt stuck.

And I have done so much pushing to try and get myself out.

Sometimes that's worked because there have been others there with a little extra push to help me go forward.

But, many times, what I really needed to do to was to go back.

Whether that was going back to things that I didn't want to revisit and repenting.

Or just stepping back far enough to see a different way forward.

Sometimes, the only way to get unstuck, is by going backwards for a bit.

Through Trials

Most of us have to go through trials.

It's just part of life.

When I think about going through trials, I envision myself on a clear path.

And suddenly its a dark forest and there are scary things.

But, I know that if I just keep moving along the path, I will eventually come out.

Back to the bright sunshine of life.

Through the trial.


I'm experiencing a trial right now.

My brother is very sick and was only given a 50/50 chance of making it.

I've done a lot of crying and praying and hoping.

I'm trying to get through this dark time and get to that sunshine.


Then I thought about all the trials my brother has had to go through in his life.  

I realized that after every trial, he seems to come out changed.

Through the trial.


Through trials........

I want to learn to focus on what's really important.

Through trials.......

I want to strengthen my testimony of prayer.

Through trials........

I want to come closer to who the Lord wants me to be.

Through trials.

Power vs. Control

I think I write a lot about how my life feels out of control.

And I'm always looking for the next "gimmick" that will help me get control of things.

It could be new chore charts for the kids, a new diet, a new cleaning schedule, etc.

It's my way of trying to insert some control into my life.

These gimmicks usually don't last a long time.

The desire for control can cause frustration because there are actually very few things that I have control over.

I can't control the weather, the bad stuff in the world, or even the choices my children make.

This can then lead me to look for an escape that gives me a kind of counterfeit control.

Computer games, watching movies all day, social media.

I can control what I watch or I can control my time as I choose.


But, what I really need is not control - it is power.

 
The purpose of life is not to control all things.

It is to learn to be obedient.

"And we will prove them herewith, to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them."  Abraham 3:25

When I am obedient, God blesses and prospers me.  Mosiah 2:22

He gives me power to accomplish what He wants me to do. 1 Nephi 3:7

Power comes when I choose the right.

 It is a gift from God.

 "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." 2 Tim. 1:5

He wants to give me power.

His power.

And through that power I can accomplish amazing things.

Addiction

Tetris. Solitaire. Candy Crush. Temple Run. Dots. Sudoku.

Computer games. (Not just for computers anymore.)

I can't have them on my computer or phone.

I'm one of those people with an addictive personality.

I talk to my kids about it, because I'm pretty sure I've passed the gene down to them.

Because of this personality, it's just better to not even get started on some things.

When I do start something, it's hard to stop.

Although this is embarrassing and overly dramatic, I've been feeling that I need to share some of my thought process:

It's not that big of a deal.
Everyone else can do this and they don't seem to have a problem controlling it.
This is great.
I feel like I'm doing good this time.
It's not a problem.

Then:
I should probably stop.
I've got a lot of things I should take care of.

It progresses to:
Why can't I stop.
Everything is in a daze.
I just want to go back to doing that.
When I'm doing that I don't have to worry about anything else.
My family is keeping me from doing what I want and what makes me happy.
Could everyone just leave me alone for a while.

And then:
Why does my life seem to be falling apart.
I just need my own space.
But, I don't want to stop.
Then I have to face all of this other stress in my life.

Until finally:
Why can't I stop this.
I know it is hurting me and my family.
I need help.

The image in my mind is falling down a well.

For me, cold turkey is the only way to go.

I have to hit the uninstall button.

And that's when:

Life is so much brighter.
I love my family.
I can do hard things.

But, why am I able to stop, ever?

Faith saves me.

Not just believing.

I can't stop myself from falling.

I hit a hard brick floor and it hurts.

Bricks of personal prayer, scripture study, etc.

It is the bricks that stop me from falling forever.

Jesus Christ is my stonemason.

HE is the light at the bottom of my well.

And the light at the top that I seek.

HE helps me build the bricks into what I need.

Sometimes that is a floor to stop me.

Or a wall to protect me.

And eventually, if I keep adding to the bricks, I know that HE will build for me a mansion in heaven.

Whirlwinds

What is it about the wind that bothers me?

I used to love the wind. 

Well, at least listening to it blow outside. 

That was probably when I was younger and safe inside my parents home.


I think my dislike for it started when we had a broken window in our home.

The place we lived was very windy, and a window pane had been removed to be replaced.

That sound of the wind blowing into my house all day drove me crazy.


In our new "windy" city where we live, it's not just the sound that bothers me anymore.

One of our outbuildings (that we're still working on) has a tarp for a roof. 

And the wind is tearing it to shreds right now.

I hate watching the wind destroy.


When I was young, the whirlwinds of life didn't bother me.

Or at least I felt comfortable withstanding them.

But, now I'm tired of the "noise" that surrounds me.

And I have personally experienced destruction from these "winds".


How can I feel safe again, protected from what is happening in the world?


Elder Neil Anderson in April conference has the answers in this talk:

My young brothers and sisters, how we love you, admire you, and pray for you. Don’t let the whirlwinds drag you down. These are your days—to stand strong as disciples of the Lord Jesus Christ.

Build more firmly your foundation upon the rock of your Redeemer.

Treasure more completely His incomparable life and teachings.

Follow more diligently His example and His commandments.

Embrace more deeply His love, His mercy and grace, and the powerful gifts of His Atonement.

As you do, I promise you that you will see the whirlwinds for what they are—tests, temptations, distractions, or challenges to help you grow. And as you live righteously year after year, I assure you that your experiences will confirm to you again and again that Jesus is the Christ. The spiritual rock under your feet will be solid and secure. You will rejoice that God has placed you here to be a part of the final preparations for Christ’s glorious return.

Choice

Life has been crazy and chaotic.

Which equals to me being crazy and chaotic.

I finally realized the other day, that I have a choice.

I can choose to let what is going on in my life define me.

Or I can choose peace.



Just because life is full of stressors doesn't mean that I have to be stressed.  

I can choose.

In fact, for an entire day I kept repeating to myself:  It's a choice.

I can choose how to react to this stress.



Life will never be nice and easy; there will always be something to stress about.

But, I can recognize the stress and still seek for the peace that I really want.

It's a choice.  

Every day.

Every minute.


I choose peace.

Finished

Well, I made it through my blog marathon.  I posted for 26 days in a row.

And although I have only run a half-marathon, I think I experienced some of the same emotions during this writing period.

I started off feeling great about this goal that I had set for myself.  And it really didn't seem that hard.

As time went on, I started to realize how long this was really going to be and that it was going to take a lot of effort to do it.  But, I still believed as long as I just worked hard I would be ok.

But, then I got to a point where I just didn't know what to write about at all.  It was like hitting a wall.  And I couldn't have made it without having someone actually help me along (using my husband's speech).

It was then that I finally was able to see the end of the tunnel.  I realized that I could make it the last little bit.  And in some ways it almost got easy again.

English was never my favorite subject in school and I have never considered myself a writer.    But, as I looked back on my month's work, I realized that maybe I was.


I think this probably always happens when I am trying to make changes in my life or set goals for myself.  I get kind of excited at the beginning and have a lot of motivation to make it happen.

Then, once I'm in the middle of it I start to realize how much work it is really going to take.  This is where I have to decide to either give up or push through it.

And there is always the point when l realize that I just cannot do it on my own.  I need help.  This is when I have to turn it completely over to the Lord.

Finally, I realize that I am almost finished and at this point it has become so much a part of me that it's almost easy.  And I have added a new level to my life, to my faith.

But, the thing is, I am never really finished.  

There will always be things that I need and want to improve.  Attributes of Christ that I need to make more a part of me.

Realizing that there will be hard times and I'll need help and that it will eventually just become a part of me, will help me make it through.

Finding Inspiration

Sometimes I simmer around ideas for several days, weeks or months before I'm ready to put into words what I've been thinking about.

Sometimes an idea will just pop into my head and I'll write about it.

Sometimes when I'm trying to figure out what to write I draw a complete blank.

I try to feel inspired when I'm writing and I said out loud today to my husband, "why shouldn't I be able to get inspiration about things to write about?"

His response, "because you always get whatever you want?"

Did you know that just because I want something bad enough, even if it is a good thing, doesn't mean I will always get it?

Duh.

I like to think that the Lord will bless me with needed inspiration whenever I want it, but the truth is that He works on His timing, not mine.

Here's an example: 

This summer I kept seeking inspiration on our job search.  I had already told the Lord that I would go wherever we were needed. 

But couldn't I just get a little inspiration on where that was. 

Or even more importantly, when that was? 

If I just knew how long it was going to take, then I would be able to deal with it so much better.  I would have some kind of deadline to work towards.

Looking back now,  I think if I had known how long it would take to get a job I probably would not have started homeschooling.

And I know that I would not have grown closer to the Lord through my pleadings. 

I would not have had the same gratitude and humility from knowing how many people were praying for us.

In other words, I would not have had the experiences that I needed to grow. (I wish that growing was easier.)

Now I can say that I feel extremely grateful for that time.

I recognize that a lot of my growth has come from other times when I've been searching for inspiration and I have felt like I was on my own.

When I say on my own, I don't mean alone.

I know that the Lord is always with me.  

If inspiration doesn't come it's not because the Lord is too busy to help me out.

And it's not because I am not showing enough obedience to get what I want.

Sometimes it is just. hard. work.
  
And the inspiration that I think I need, will actually be recognizing what I have learned from that hard work.

Stretching

I love exercising.

It just makes me feel so good, so alive.

I love working up a sweat and feeling like I'm accomplishing something.  I love taking care of my body.

But, I have to admit that it is really hard work. 

And I have to really make it a priority or it doesn't happen.

One thing that really motivates me?

The cool-down stretch.

It is my favorite part.

I never stretch out before I exercise; it just feels wrong and too tight.

But, after I'm all warmed up and kinda beat - it is the best feeling in the world.

I love taking time to think about what I just accomplished. 

And I love noticing that I can stretch just a little bit further than I did the last time.


I just realized today that I can relate this to my life.

Being obedient/having faith makes me feel good.

But, it is hard work and I have to make it a priority or it doesn't happen.

So what motivates me to do it?

The stretching.

When I'm going through hard times I don't often think about how good it feels.

But, when I look back at these experiences and I can see how far I've come, it feels great.

And that is the best feeling in the world - becoming who God wants me to be.

Losing Faith

The first time my husband was out of a job was about 5 years ago. 

We knew it was going to happen and decided that we were going to have to have a lot of faith to get through it.

I knew that having a trial like this would not make me lose my belief in God.  And I wasn't sure there was anything that could make me question my beliefs.

But, as unemployment continued, I kept thinking that I wanted to increase my faith.  But how could I believe anymore than I already did?  And just believing that God would help me was not really changing anything.

It was then that I started studying faith.

And knowing that faith is an action, I decided to substitute the word obedience in all of the scriptures about faith.

It was life changing.

"Now faith obedience is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen

But without faith obedience it is impossible to please him; for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him"  Hebrews 11:1,6

The only way I could increase my faith would be to increase my obedience to God.

My obedience included studying my scriptures, praying more fervently, seeking ways to serve.

And blessings came.

Not just employment for my husband, but a greater knowledge and closeness to my Savior.

The next time my husband was out of work, I was ready.

I stepped up my obedience.

And once again I felt strengthened.

Having that closeness with Christ helped me realize that even if the blessings that I was seeking did not come in this life, it would still be ok.

But, blessings did come and we got a great job.

I felt so much gratitude.

All of my prayers were giving thanks for the help that we had received.

But, I stopped asking for things.

How could I ask for anything else when I had already been so richly blessed?

And in my reluctance to ask for anything from the Lord, I became less diligent in searching the scriptures.

And since I wasn't searching for anything specific in the scriptures, my prayers became less meaningful.

And then without the Spirit that comes from scriptures and prayers I did not receive any inspiration on how to serve.

And then even my gratitude began to lessen.

In short, being less obedient made me start losing my faith.

It was surprising how fast it all happened.

Me, who thought I could never go through anything hard enough that would make me lose my faith, began to lose it after receiving great blessings.

"Therefore, wo be unto him that is at ease in Zion!

"Yea, wo be unto him that saith: We have received, and we need no more!" 2 Nephi 28: 24,27

I then had a "brother of Jared" experience. 

His family was led by God through the wilderness until they came to the great sea.  There they camped for four years.  And then the Lord came again and talked with the brother of Jared

"for the space of three hours...and chastened him because he remembered not to call upon the name of the Lord." Ether 2:14

I wonder if the brother of Jared felt like me.  He was so grateful to have been led by the Lord that he felt he really couldn't ask for anything more.

But, the Lord was not done with him.

And the Lord is not done with me.

The Lord is never done with any of us.

It is up to me to continue in obedience faith.

Running Hills (part 2)

When I was in college, there was a hill I used to run up; from my apartment to a boy's house. 

About a month ago I spent the night at my sister's house in Orem.  Close to where I went to college.  I went running that morning and decided to run "the hill."

A flood of memories came back to me.  I remembered all the thoughts that used to occupy me as I ran. 

I didn't really like who I was back then. 

There was the angst of boyfriend issues, the worries of what would become of my life. 

I think I may have used that hill as a punishment.  I thought that if I could make it up this hill then I could control the other "out of control" things in my life. 

What a difference 20 years makes. 

I was amazed at just how different I felt. Not just physically, but mentally and emotionally.

I had the biggest smile on my face as I ran past his house.  I remembered all the good memories, and realized I really like who I am now.

Don't get me wrong.  I still have angst and worries about the future.  And I definitely have lots of improvements to make in my life.

But, getting to the top of a hill does not make that stuff go away.


The reward of running hills is not getting all my problems behind me.

The reward is the actual running of the hill. 

It's what makes me stronger.

Running Hills (part 1)

So, I've been doing it all wrong.

Last year, when I was training for my half marathon, I avoided hills. 

The problem is we kind of live on the top of one. 

To really go any kind of distance I'd have to go down one. But, I'd have someone come pick me up so I wouldn't have to go back up.

When I did have to go up one I'd make a really big deal out of it.  I'd hype myself up for days.   

I think it was because I had set a goal during training and the actual race, to never walk.  And even though I could mostly make it up a hill running, I would be dying by the flat part at the top. 

Unfortunately, there was this hill near the end of the half-marathon.  And it just about killed me. 

Going up was fine, but I could barely make it the last mile and a half on the flat part.

A wise friend of mine (and a really good runner) told me she walked the hill since she didn't want to be dead for the last part.

What a concept!  You mean, you could walk during a race?  Why hadn't I thought of that?  Why did I think that walking was against the rules?  More specifically, my rules?
 
This year as I started running I decided I wanted to do hills.  Even if I was just going to walk up them.  I gave myself permission to just take it easy and not care if I walked a little. 

And now guess what?  I do hills.  Lots of them.  And I'm not even walking most of them.  I will sometimes walk a little when I get to the top just to catch my breath.  But mostly, I just keep running. 

And here's where I figure out what I was doing wrong. 

I would get myself all psyched out for these hills.  I'd look at them and think I can't make it up there.  Or I'd think about how tired it would make me by the top of the hill. 

Then, while I was running, I would keep looking at how far I had to go and how steep it was.  Definitely the wrong way to go about it. 

Now, when I come to a hill, I tell myself, "let's just see how far we can make it", or "I'll walk when I get done with this hard part". 

Then I just put my head down and watch my feet and maybe a little bit in front of me.  I hardly ever look up.  I might take a glance about halfway to the top. 

But if I'm just watching my feet and pushing along it doesn't seem steep at all, it just happens to be where I am.

Now, here's where I do my analogy thing. 

I've been struggling this summer with what seems like this giant hill in my life.  It's unavoidable. And I keep looking at it thinking, how am I supposed to do this. 

I need to give myself permission to "walk up this hill" if I need to.  There is no shame in that.

Then I need to put my head down and keep moving.  Focus on what is right in front of me, not what is coming up and may be really hard.  This is just where I am.

So even though I don't really want to say, "Give me more hills!"  I finally am feeling like I can make it through all of this.

And you know it is a fabulous feeling to get to the top of those hills!

Job Hunt

At first I thought finding a job was a little like trying to get married.

It was so exciting to think about the future and what it would be like.

Then after a while you start thinking that maybe there's not just one special one out there waiting for you. 

You would be happy with any good one; but a lot happier with a right one.


Now, I'm beginning to feel that our job search is more like being pregnant.

It's pretty exciting at first.  But towards the end you just feel tired and apathetic.  And you just want to get it over with.  And you start to think that it's never really going to happen.


Who knows, maybe a few more months of job hunting will feel like something else.

I'm hoping for a graduation type feeling and not a death.

Fitting In

Even though I may "live in the moment" there still have been times when I've moved that I've felt like I just didn't fit in.

In fact, one move I spent almost an entire year feeling that there was no one else around in just the same situation as me and therefore, I was all alone.

But here's the thing about fitting in: it's better not to think of it as a puzzle piece trying to fit into that one exact spot in the puzzle.

Think of it more like a piece of clothing that can really go with any outfit.

Or better yet, some kind of fruit to go into a fruit salad.

The fruit salad of life!

We already "fit in"; its just up to us to put ourselves in.

And most likely, we'll end up being that fruit that someone else has been waiting for to complete their salad.

So, what fruit are you?

Women & Mothers

I love mother's day.

I was not the most girly-girl growing up. I was really a tomboy and I liked to hang with the guys.

It is through being a mother that I have learned about being a woman. To celebrate the more female qualities within me. To learn to be selfless. To learn to serve and to love unconditionally.

As I lay in bed this morning waiting for the kids to bring me breakfast in bed, I had time to think about mother's day and what it really means to me.

I thought about my cousin who had a baby born still two days ago.

I thought of another cousin who has not had children of her own, but is raising her sister's kids for her and doing an awesome job.

I thought of my friend who has not yet married but has mothered hundreds of young women.

I thought of my friend who worried she would never get the chance to be a mother and is now raising 4 beautiful children.

I thought of another cousin who is waiting for someone to choose her to be a mother.

And I especially thought of my own mother.

I think mother's day is really a day to celebrate womanhood.

I believe that all women have this divine gift to nurture, to love and to teach. And every woman has a choice to share this gift with others, no matter what her situation.

But it is not always easy.

It did not feel like a divine gift as I was cleaning the "garf" off the floor of the kitchen and myself; and washing sheets that were "wet".

Sometimes it's just plain hard.

But it is still a gift to share.

I love being a mother.

And I love being a woman.

And on this day I am thankful for all the women in my life who have taught me by example what these titles really mean.