Enough

I have always been a competitive person.  

In fact, it's one of the things that I struggle with in homeschooling; there is no one to compare my children to so I can tell how they are doing.

Since my children are all on different levels of learning and, in fact, have way different personalities from each other, I can't compare them to each other. 

Lately, the problem I've had with being so competitive is that I end up comparing my life to others' as a measure of how I'm doing.

And then when I fall short, or see that I am not as good as someone else, I get down on myself.

So, why do I think I need to be better than others at anything?  And why do I think my children need to be the best?

What is wrong with being ordinary?

President Boyd K. Packer gave a fantastic talk in October 2007 General Conference called "The Weak and Simple of the Church".  My favorite quote from that was:

"And so the Church moves on. It is carried upon the shoulders of worthy members living ordinary lives among ordinary families, guided by the Holy Ghost and the Light of Christ, which is in them."

I want to be ordinary.

And I believe that's all my Father in Heaven wants as well.

He's not expecting fantastic things.  

He's not expecting me to be better than anyone else.  

We are all his children and just like I can't compare any of my children to their siblings because they are all different, He won't compare me to any of my brothers and sisters.

He just wants me to learn, to love, to have joy.

To live an ordinary life.

That doesn't mean I shouldn't have goals to work on; ways that I can improve myself.  But, if I can make it through each day just doing small, ordinary acts of kindness, that is enough.  

There's no reason to believe that what I am right now is not enough to bless other people.  

Just an ordinary mom and daughter of God is enough.
 
I am enough.

A Time (Outfit) For Everything

Have you ever had one of those times when you have been totally over-dressed for an occasion?

(I remember going to one of my Dad's work parties and wearing a dress.  It was an outdoor picnic.  Awkward!?!)

Or, how about under-dressed?  

(Another one of my Dad's work party where everyone seemed to be in evening wear and I may have been in pajamas!?!)

Either way, it's uncomfortable.


Well, it happened to me again this Sunday.

I found this awesome outfit; one of those jacket/skirt combinations.  

I loved it (still do) and I felt so mature wearing it.  

I felt like I had finally arrived.  


And then . . .  

Church happened.


I spent the entire three hours wrestling with whiny children.

I didn't get to go to any of my classes because some of these whiny children refused to go to theirs.

I came home crabby.  

But, I couldn't figure out why.  It's not like this has never happened before.  

In fact, it happens a lot lately.  So what was the big deal?


Then I realized; I had been overdressed.

 I was wearing an outfit that made me feel like I had it all together.  

An outfit that is not usually worn by others who are struggling with children.  
(At least not outwardly, or physically. )

And it is not my time yet to be done "struggling" with my children.

I am right in the middle of my journey.

This is my time to be surrounded by children: be they whiny, rebellious, obnoxious.

Be they sweet, tender, innocent.


I need to remember what time it is in my life right now.  And dress (live) appropriately.  

I'm not saying that means that I can never wear this particular outfit.  

What it does mean to me is that I shouldn't wish my life away from what it is right now.

I'm sure there will come a time when I will sit through all of my church meetings.  Maybe even alone.


There is a time for everything.  

Sacrifice

I have heard sacrifice defined as: 

Giving up something you want now for something better later on.

That sounds easier than it is.


It involves faith.

That my prayers are really being answered.


It involves hope.

That what comes next will really be better.


It involves charity.

The fact that I love God more than myself; so I will take what He wants for me instead of what I want.

Finished

Well, I made it through my blog marathon.  I posted for 26 days in a row.

And although I have only run a half-marathon, I think I experienced some of the same emotions during this writing period.

I started off feeling great about this goal that I had set for myself.  And it really didn't seem that hard.

As time went on, I started to realize how long this was really going to be and that it was going to take a lot of effort to do it.  But, I still believed as long as I just worked hard I would be ok.

But, then I got to a point where I just didn't know what to write about at all.  It was like hitting a wall.  And I couldn't have made it without having someone actually help me along (using my husband's speech).

It was then that I finally was able to see the end of the tunnel.  I realized that I could make it the last little bit.  And in some ways it almost got easy again.

English was never my favorite subject in school and I have never considered myself a writer.    But, as I looked back on my month's work, I realized that maybe I was.


I think this probably always happens when I am trying to make changes in my life or set goals for myself.  I get kind of excited at the beginning and have a lot of motivation to make it happen.

Then, once I'm in the middle of it I start to realize how much work it is really going to take.  This is where I have to decide to either give up or push through it.

And there is always the point when l realize that I just cannot do it on my own.  I need help.  This is when I have to turn it completely over to the Lord.

Finally, I realize that I am almost finished and at this point it has become so much a part of me that it's almost easy.  And I have added a new level to my life, to my faith.

But, the thing is, I am never really finished.  

There will always be things that I need and want to improve.  Attributes of Christ that I need to make more a part of me.

Realizing that there will be hard times and I'll need help and that it will eventually just become a part of me, will help me make it through.

Domination

I have a little problem.

I think I might be a little competitive.

I went on a library murder mystery date last night.

Our team (me and my husband) were given tasks to look data up in the library. As we did them we would get clues to help us solve the murder. 

Think Clue. 

Tasks like: translate these foreign words; find the book written by the author who wrote the "prairie trilogy"; where are these cities located, etc.

It was a lot of fun.

But, before we even got started, I was sizing up the competition.

I figured out who might be real competitors and who we could ignore.

I told my husband, that we didn't need to rush through, we could just enjoy our time together.

He was not the one with the problem.

I couldn't help myself; trying to get done before anyone else.

And we were.

And we won.

We easily had it solved before anyone.

It was kind of embarrassing.

I felt bad that I smashed all the other teams.

I'm sure that if someone had beat us I would have just shrugged it off and figured it was just some nice quality time together.

But we dominated and it felt good.


So why do I feel so guilty about it?