. . . of not wanting to make our kids feel bad, can I just say something about winners?
Why is it that we have to make every kid feel good, even when they lose?
Now I'm not saying that I want kids to suffer or feel bad, but I feel like we are short-changing the kids who really try hard at stuff. And we're not teaching our kids how to lose.
Two Examples: Pinewood Derby. Movie Day.
First, in our Cub Scout Pack, they just give out stickers to everyone who races in the Pinewood Derby. No prizes or anything for the fastest car. And then they make up awards for everyone. Stuff like: most colorful, best use of color, etc. They want everyone to be happy. Yea! big warm fuzzies for everyone.
Second, we recently had a Movie Day at our school. They encouraged the kids to bring cars made out of boxes. They talked about how some dads really got into the whole designing thing and what support it shows to the school. And then they said there would be prizes for the best cars. Well, once they saw all of the cars they decided that there were too many good ones to choose between and everyone got a little sticker. Rah Rah!
Think of how the world works. In the real world, you usually get paid money for high quality work. And if you don't produce the way you're supposed to, you lose your job. But that's not what we're teaching our kids.
What are we teaching our kids? "You don't really have to try that hard at stuff because everyone's going to get a prize." Or, "Why bother working at something when there's really no reward."
Well, what about internal motivators? They should just feel "special inside" for a job well done and not worry about the results. Tell your boss that next time he's not happy with your performance.
And you can't tell me the kid whose pinewood derby car barely makes it down the track is going to made happy with stickers or a made up certificate. So why not give the ones who deserve it something anyway.
Now I know there are some arguments about those kids who don't really do much anyway, "its their parents doing all the work". But then you are presented with another teaching opportunity for your own kid. And too bad if that other kid grows up thinking that someone else is responsible for their success.
I think its a cop out on the part of the judges, too. They're too scared to make decisions. "I'm afraid I'll hurt someone's feelings." But they are only thinking about the losers and not the kids who actually deserve recognition. Do they ever think that their feelings may be hurt, too.
I say let's have real contests again with winners and losers!!
Survival of the fittest. That's what it is. Perhaps we are trying to engineer losers who 'think' they are winners thus a greater quantity of disillusioned children who think more of themselves than they should. We can't have that! Perhaps all of the parents, who were once winners themselves, remember how lonely it was to be a winner (afterall there's only one) & they don't want their child to suffer such a solitary existence. Having to face ridicule from mobs of losers. La la la, we are all winners now & we can skip happily through the jungle of life singing kumbaya and picking flowers and making meaningful contributions to society. Remember the story - warm fuzzies are better then cold pricklies!!! I remember... warm fuzzies for everyone! Just give the losers red warm fuzzies and the winners blue warm fuzzies so we can tell the difference. ;)
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