Thursday, April 30, 2009


I was having a discussion with some other moms about what to do when your child does not want to go to church. Do you force them to go anyway? (When we were all little, there really wasn't an option, you had to go. )

I, personally, hate the thought of forcing anyone to do anything. So, I believe that they should be allowed to choose. Because life is about making choices.

Of course with guidelines.

If the child's choice takes away the choice of another, that makes a difference. (Like if your child is too young to stay home by themselves, "sorry you have to go. You can sit in the lobby the whole time, but you can't take away my choice to go to church.")

And they also need to be taught that they don't get to choose the consequences. (Like if you choose to stay home from church then the consequences will be-no tv, clean the house while we're gone, earlier to bed, etc.)

I decided this is what I would say:

"I'm sorry that you feel like you don't want to go to church. Church is an important part of my life. This is what we do as a family. This is what Heavenly Father wants us to do. There are reasons for this. We get to take the sacrament, we get to feel the spirit, we learn from the lessons, and we get to visit with others with the same beliefs. Choosing not to go to church is the wrong choice to make. There will be consequences. Some, you may not see for a while, but here are some that will be immediate. You will clean your room while we are gone. And you will need to go to bed 1/2 hr early tonight. I really wish that you would come because it really is the right thing to do."

Now, I really don't like telling my child that what they've done is the wrong thing or that they have sinned. It doesn't make me feel good. And I think its something that my whole generation has a problem with - making our children feel bad. Of course we want them to be happy. But how else are they going to learn about the difference between right and wrong?

There is less and less emphasis on right vs. wrong in the world. The world tells us that we shouldn't feel bad for our choices. That everyone is entitled to their own opinion. "It's just a choice; not good or bad."

But not everything is just a choice. There are such things as wrong choices and we have to be willing to teach that, even if it makes someone feel bad.

Friday, April 10, 2009


Have you ever thought how you end up being friends with the people you are friends with? I was thinking about this today and wondering how I ended up with my college friends. I wasn't roommates with any of them in the dorms. And we didn't really have a lot in common. We all liked different kinds of music, and we were all from different states.

So then I started thinking farther back to my high school friends. My best friend in HS was not into sports at all like I was. And we didn't even have a lot of classes together. So what was it?

I think most of my friendships are complementary types of relationships. And maybe that's just my personality to surround myself with people who have the attributes that I wish I had, but don't.

So then I started thinking about my best friend now. For some reason I always thought I'd marry a football player, or at least someone totally into sports like me. But as I look back on the boys I dated, none of them played any type of sport. (hindsight's 20/20 right?) So what was it? He was so totally different from me. A fact which I pointed out to him quite regularly.

But then one night he told me a story. His little 9 year old sister had gotten a "pink slip" at school because she and her friend had made up a song about their "flat-bottomed" teacher. He couldn't even get through the whole story because he was laughing so hard. And that is what made me decide to marry him. If he could make me laugh like this and even better, if we could laugh together, that was it!

I realize now that humor has always played a role in my friendships. But humor is so limiting of a description. I think its more of a "joy in the moment" kind of thing.

So, I guess if you can make me laugh - you're in.


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