Thanksgiving Roles

No that is not a misspelling. I'm talking about the role that I always seem to fall into when I'm around family.

I'm the 4th in a family of six and I have always considered myself the middle child. My role, so it seems, was to be the 'funny' one. And therefore no one ever takes me seriously.

That seems so incongruous with my real life though. I mean I still like to think that I'm funny, but I think most people take me seriously now.

What I wonder is, is it my family that keeps me doing this when we all get together? or is it me not allowing them to see me any other way?

Of course, the next question is, are there ways that I'm expecting certain other siblings to act that's not allowing them to change and be different than they used to be?

We all grow up and mature and if we are lucky enough to move on from the past, we can make needed changes to our personality. But within the family, its harder to change. We pigeonhole each other into certain roles to play: funny one, serious one, baby, princess, etc. But I think that especially in a family we should be willing to allow for growth and change in each other.

My goal this thanksgiving is to be 'me' and let others be 'them' and see if we can't get past this roles thing.

8 Things

1. I almost always wear socks. I can't stand barefeet.

2. I still dream about playing professional soccer some day.

3. I used to hate to shower and now I can't really start my day until I do.

4. I hate changing my clothes. (that is once I've finally decided on what to wear)

5. I have no desire to work.

6. I never watch tv.

7. My husband cracks me up with his songs. (he makes them up all the time)

8. I totally wish I homeschooled my kids.

Halloween Candy

So I'm looking for comments here. What do you do with your Halloween candy?

When I was a kid it was like a huge trading post. We separated our candies into their piles and then commenced making deals with each other. "I'll give you two tootsie rolls and a squirrel nut for a snickers - what are you kidding?"

In my family we have tried several strategies. You get 10 pieces of candy a day, but they get taken away as a punishment one piece at a time. "That's ok I still have 6 pieces left!"

Then there was the weaning one. You get 10 today and 8 tomorrow, then 6 the next day, until we are down to the normal one or two pieces a day. but that just seemed to drag out the sugar high. "Hey we're supposed to get 6 today - waaaaaahhhh!"

Now we dump all of our candy into one bowl (or two) and then we sort it. (what did we get the most of? the least of?) Then we dump it back in and dig in. For the last two years we just go for it. Everyone can eat as much as they want, whenever they want, until its all gone. "Mom, I don't feel so good."

This year I let everyone choose out 10 pieces that are just theirs. They can trade them for something else from the big bowl, but they cannot replace them. "Hey I don't remember eating one of my special ones but now there's only 9!"

Anyway, what are your ways. And don't tell me you just eat it slowly and it lasts for months. Whatever.

Tunnel Vision

So lately I've been thinking about age. It's been coming up a lot in conversations. It seems to be that at some point everyone goes through a type of awakening. I guess some would call it a mid-life crisis. One of my friends says it happens around 31 or 32 and that sounds about right to me.

So this is what my "awakening" was like. By the time I was 32, I had 4 kids. But I kept wondering when being a mom was going to start feeling real to me. I felt like I was just pretending. I also felt like I didn't know any one who was in the exact same situation as me. I just didn't fit in anywhere.

I have come to believe that most women around this same age feel exactly the same way. "I just don't fit in. Everyone else seems to have it together or know what they're doing and I'm just winging it here."

And then comes the flip.

I'm not sure what happens, maybe life just gets so busy that you stop thinking about yourself and move on and before you know it, it's different. You no longer walk on a college campus and wonder if you still fit in. You walk on it and think, "these kids are so young". You no longer are one of the younger people in your ward. You are in the group that the younger moms look up to.

The reason I call this tunnel vision is because at the beginning of a tunnel you still have the light from behind you to guide you (the way things have always been). But somewhere in the middle that light is too far away to see and you have to start looking for the new light which lies ahead (the way you want to be).

I think of the women I look up to. Moms, grandmas, "older" sisters. And it must be that the closer you get to the end of the tunnel the more sure you become. I'll call it wisdom.

I'm not in a hurry to get to the end of the tunnel, but I am looking forward to that wisdom.

You Have 362 Friend Requests!

Facebook. It’s a drug.

It all started because my sister got on it. She got on because our other sister was on it. Then my mom got on and my brother. My niece was already on it, because, well, I guess she's young and cool and that’s what they do. I decided that I would be very selective about it. I’ll only use it with close family. Meanwhile, more and more of my “close” family was getting on: nieces, nephews, in-laws, cousins . . . college roommates. I know they are not close family, but they’re just like family. It won’t be bad if I use it with them. It was getting so much fun.

Then the day came that I got a request to use it with someone I knew in high school. I didn’t know them really well. But I was curious.

Here I am reminded of a poem my mom used to always say to us:

Vice is a monster of so frightful mien,

As, to be hated, needs but to be seen;

Yet seen too oft, familiar with her face,

We first endure, then pity, then embrace.

Look what curiosity got me. (see title) I was so selective at first. What happened?

So now what do I do? Is there a way to use it responsibly?

Maybe the placebo could be: “Hey! I remember you. It’s so good to see you! What have you been up to? Oh, remember when . . . Yeah, it’s so great to see you too! We should really keep in touch. OK, Bye!”
No side effects.

Maybe I could just use it as a medication.

I don’t think there’s anyway I could just go cold turkey.

Facebook. I tell you, it’s a drug.