The Color of Hope

It's been a very long winter here.

The snow came early and then didn't leave until the end of April.

As the temperatures began to rise and the snow melted, everything looked the same color.

When I could finally see grass it still wasn't green, yet.

Everything seemed brownish gray.

Driving around town I would look for any kind of color.

The anticipation gave me hope for spring.

Little by little, color started to appear.

First, the grass started to look a little greener.

The skies started to seem less gray and more blue.

Then white clouds.

And now the trees have bloomed - lots of pink and white!

Today, as I drove around there seems to be color everywhere.

What did I do to get this color back?

Nothing.

I couldn't do a single thing about it.

It only happened because of time.

There are times that my life seems like this.

Everything seems dreary and gray and hopeless.

And I search for something that may bring me hope.

Most of the time, there isn't really any thing I can do.

I just have to wait.

But, it always comes.

Eventually.

And when it does, it is glorious.

Imprints

I just finished reading a book for one of my book clubs.

It was set in Virginia right before the civil war.

The main character (narrator) was raised by her wet nurse who was a slave.

As the book goes on, it is easy to see how this character's choices are clearly affected by the one who truly "mothered" her.

Someone asked the question if we had someone like that who we remembered from when we were being raised.

I immediately thought of my favorite babysitter, Sassy.

Her name is actually Leslie and I'm not sure why she is so memorable to me.

But, I still think of her fondly and often.

Then, the other day I was thinking about my seminary class.

The one that I substitute taught more than any others at the beginning of the school year.

Even though they had their regular teacher more than me, I consider them mine.

And I know that some of them consider me their teacher also.

They are imprinted on my mind.

And because I was there for their first couple of days, I was imprinted on theirs.

Imprints.

Do I take the time to remember the imprint that my Heavenly Father and Mother have on me.

Like William Wordsworth famously said, 

"Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting;

The Soul that rises with us, our life’s Star,

          Hath had elsewhere its setting

               And cometh from afar;

          Not in entire forgetfulness,

          And not in utter nakedness,

But trailing clouds of glory do we come 

               From God, who is our home:

Heaven lies about us in our infancy!"

 

Desire

This week's scripture study has focused a lot on receiving revelation.

That is also something that our prophet has been pleading with us to do - Hear Him.

Today during scripture study the word desire stood out to me.

"And the Lord said unto me: John, my beloved, what desirest thou? for if you shall ask what you will, it shall be granted unto you." D&C 7:1

I have a strong testimony of that.

Way back in 2019, I wrote a blog post about this testimony, when my word for the year was Seek.

I shared then how the Lord has always blessed me when I have been seeking for a desire that included a way for me to serve others. (piano playing, family history, etc)

But, what about now?

What is it I desire?

In 2011, President Oaks gave a talk titled Desire.

He said:

 "Desires dictate our priorities, priorities shape our choices, and choices determine our actions. The desires we act on determine our changing, our achieving, and our becoming."

It seems like I have been going at this backwards.

My focus is more on my actions; just going through the motions.

What I need to do is think about my desires first to help me with my choices.

I have a new determination to figure out what it is I desire right now.

For now, this scripture expresses what I hope for:

"Behold, thou are Marla[Oliver], and I have spoken unto thee because of thy desires; therefore treasure up these words in thy heart. Be faithful and diligent in keeping the commandments of God, and I will encircle thee in the arms of my love." D&C 6:20

The Opposite of Fear

 "Pour out your heart to your Heavenly Father. Turn to Him for answers and for comfort.

Pray in the name of Jesus Christ about your concerns, your fears, your weaknesses—yes, the very longings of your heart. And then listen!"

Revelation for the Church, Revelation for Our Lives, Russell M. Nelson, April 2018

This is the quote that stood out to me in my scripture study the other day.

It made me wonder, what are the longings of my heart and what do I fear?

As I began to pray and pour out the longings of my heart,  I realized that I do have fears.

I try to be a positive person and I want to look at the good things instead of what I fear.

Especially, because as I start focusing on my fears, it becomes overwhelming.

I know that God listens to my prayers and knows all of my fears.

And He answers.

This was the answer I got today.

The opposite of fear is joy.

So, I changed my "I fear" statements to "I joy" ones.

I fear that I'm not loving my children enough.

• I joy that I have children to love.

I fear that my body is going to fall apart!

• I joy that I have a body!

I fear that I'm not doing all the things that I am supposed to be doing.

• I joy that I've been given a chance to live on this earth and learn.

It is empowering.

Gathering Scattered Israel

I took the time this morning to watch some of BYU Women's Conference.

As I was listening to Sister Bingham talk about gathering Israel, I had a thought come to my mind.

Gathering Israel means coming to Christ and bringing others as well.

Am I scattered?

Unfortunately, many times, yes!

There are many times when I am focused too much on life and all the things that need "doing".

And I forget that my main focus should be Jesus Christ.

When He is my main focus, the other things in life get done as needed.

This COVID-19 time is an opportunity to gather myself.

To remember what is most important.

As I focus on Jesus Christ through deeper scripture study, praying with more intent, and listening to His voice, I am gathering my scattered self unto Him.

Broken Pieces

Here is my scripture thought this week from studying. 

This part in Acts kept reminding me of a talk I thought I had heard somewhere, but I couldn't find a reference anywhere. So, I made up my own.

Acts 27:43-44

43 But the centurion, willing to save Paul, kept them from their purpose; and commanded that they which could swim should cast themselves first into the sea, and get to land:
44 And the rest, some on boards, and some on broken pieces of the ship. And so it came to pass, that they escaped all asafe to land.

The Lord had promised that they all would live.

Some were strong enough to swim to shore.

But some had to use boards or broken pieces to make it.


I imagine using a board to get to land would not be as fast as swimming.

And I'm sure I would not feel in control of the situation.



There are sometimes, in life, when I feel strong enough to accomplish what is needed.

I can "swim and get to land".

But there are lots of other times when I feel that the only way I can make it is by clinging to broken pieces or boards; barely surviving.

I just have to hold on and hope I make it.


Either way, the Lord will fulfill His promises.

He will help me get "asafe to land".

I know He will.


Another thought:

Even if I'm a "broken piece", I can still help others around me.

This accomplishes the Lord's promises, too.

Answers are Blessings

There are a lot of things I can do in the gospel that build my faith.

Steps that make sense and are kind of easy to fulfill.

Reading scriptures, saying prayers, going to church, etc.  

They get me where I need to be.

And then come the times when it feels like I can't move forward anymore.

I get stuck and don't know what's next or what more I can do.

That's when I have to make my prayers more sincere.

I need to really ASK the Lord and SEEK His help.

I have to admit to the Lord that I don't have all the answers.

His answers may come as instructions on what I need to do better.

Or something I need to change.

Maybe a different direction I need to take.

What I need to remember is that His answer will always be a blessing.

Even if it's hard to do.

Especially, if it's hard to do.

Being Perfect

I was reading, Luke 1:37 in my gospel study this morning, "With God, nothing shall be impossible"

So, I asked myself the question, "What seems impossible to me?"

Getting everything done that I need to.

Staying focused on what needs to be done.

Basically, being perfect!


Then I remembered an experience I had the other Sunday while taking the sacrament.

My mind was going over all the things I needed to do better in the up-coming week.

And I heard a whispering in my mind that said, "You don't need to be perfect".

It was then that I realized that I was thinking about all the things I was not doing perfectly.


But, what about the scripture (Matt. 5:48) that says, "Be ye therefore perfect..."?


I have heard that one translation of perfect, actually means "complete".

Be ye therefore complete.


The only way I can be complete is with Jesus Christ.

When I take the sacrament I am renewing my covenant to take His name upon me.

As long as I am remembering Christ and trying to become who He wants me to be, I am complete.


My focus needs to be on Jesus Christ.

Not just "what am I not doing right?'


I remember Jesus by repenting and choosing to do God's will.

I remember Jesus when I pray and study my scriptures daily.

Jesus will perfect (complete) me. 

Because with God, nothing shall be impossible .

Scraping Up the Browned Bits

See the title up there?

I read that in the recipe I made last night.

It's a common instruction when making meat with a bit of sauce.

Last night it was for a Thai Green Curry Meatball recipe.

I've done it when doing roast or stew or pork chops, also.

It's so delicious.

You take all that flavor and get to mix it in with the rest of the ingredients.

Sometimes, I have worried that the final food will end up tasting burned.

But, for the most part, it just adds this depth of flavor that you don't get by just "cooking".


There have been times in my life (and those I love) when it feels like I'm getting "burned".

I get stuck on questions I can't answer.

Life gets "hot" and uncomfortable.


What I need to understand is that God is going to "scrape up the browned bits" into something beautiful.

These bits will eventually add a depth to my life that can't come any other way.

God's purpose is to give me all the "flavor" He can.

It will be good.

The Son

We have had a very mild winter this year.

But the temperature does not always tell the full story.


I walked into church this morning without my coat buttoned up.

Then, I realized I should feel colder because it was only 13 degrees.

I felt warmer than I had the day before when it was 36.


The difference was the sun.


The sun makes all the difference in whether I feel cold or warm.


When I am going through a hard or dark time in my life, the only way to get through it is with the Son.

He makes the cold days seem better even if they aren't.

The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? Psalms 27:1

Just Write

Some time back before Christmas I decided to give up social media.

I recently had given up sugar. 

Not because it's "bad", but because I had noticed some effects it had on me that I didn't like. 

So, it was also a bit of an experiment to see if it changed some of these physical things.

It did.

I feel 100% better not eating sugar. 

And I don't even crave it so much because I know what it does to me.

When I started, I wrote down some things that I wanted to replace the sugar with. 

Eat an apple, a handful of nuts, drink some water.


I don't think that social media is bad, but I did feel that I was spending too much time on it.

I had also been thinking about all the books I used to read and wondering why I didn't read anymore.

Was it just because I had gotten busy?

But, really I stopped reading when I got a smart phone and when Facebook came out.

--Sidetrack --

I love Facebook!!

I love being "in touch" with old college roommates and old friends and knowing what is going on in people's lives.

How did I ever live without it?

I guess I had to be more diligent about keeping in touch.

I wasn't.

And I actually had to write letters or make phone calls.

I didn't.

Who has time for that? 

Well, I guess people who aren't spending time looking at their phone at the hundreds of people they're keeping in touch with.

Anyway, my main point was that I wanted to free up some time. 

Or at least experiment and see if it freed up some of my time.

So, I wrote down some things that I would like to replace that time with.

READ
CLEAN
VISIT
WRITE

I've gotten good at replacing social media with reading. 

(In some ways, it's not that different!)

I've already finished 3 books!

My house is cleaner.

And I've been able to make visits to neighbors and friends that I haven't in the past.


But, what about writing?

Why do I want to write?

When I write, I just put all kinds of jumbled thoughts down.

And as I do that, things become clearer.

I'm not saying that I'm a good writer.

But, I'm not bad at editing.

I spend less time writing all the jumbled thoughts than thinking about what I've written and getting it just right.

So, that's what I'm going to do.

Just write.

Running Hills (Part Four)

I've written a lot about running hills.

Running Hills (part 1)
Running Hills (part 2)
Running Hills (part 3)

But, not recently.

I was thinking about that the other day on my early morning walk.

My goal this summer is to do a lot of hiking, so I'm trying to get stronger.

Why don't I run hills anymore? Am I missing out on those lessons? Am I doing something wrong?


Actually, I don't mind not running right now.

Walking is what I need. 

I can talk when I'm walking.

There's more chances to look around and notice the beauty around me, than when I was trying to make a certain distance or time.


I do miss the sense of accomplishment I felt when I conquered a hill.

And, I still should probably find some hills to practice on.

But mostly, I'm just walking as much as I can.

So when I start hiking, and come to a hill, I'll already have some strength built up.


Walking can feel like I'm doing the same thing over and over again; without really progressing.

The way that sometimes saying prayers, reading the scriptures, going to church, etc. starts to feel.

But, walking (instead of running) is not the same thing as coasting.

I'm still walking and moving forward.

Saying my prayers and reading my scriptures every day is moving me forward.

Slowing down has helped me notice more of the beautiful things in my life.

It is still strengthening me.


And so, if/when I come to a "hill" in my life, I'll have the strength I need to conquer it.

Thoughts from the Women's Broadcast

I loved being able to go to the Women's Broadcast tonight with two of my daughters.

Even better was when we got home and started comparing notes.

Ginny (age 11) - I like how when we go to the women's conference its different than the regular conference in that we know exactly who they are talking to. We don't have to wonder who the talks are directed to, we know for sure that its for us. Some quotes that stood out: Hope will conquer despair; good will conquer evil; joy always comes after sorrow. And, "There's a great need to rally the women of the church to stand with the brethren to stem the tide of evil."  This really shows that the women of the church are totally equal to the men.

Maggie (age 16) - It really stood out to me how much they talked about how the Lord has His own timetable. It's not in our time, it's in His time.  And Sister Oscarson said, "Life rarely works out as planned."

Me (the mom) - There seemed to be a lot about standing up for what we believe in. Sister Stephens said, "If you strengthen a child you strengthen a family."  She also talked about how part of the plan is to be tested. But that it's not just to learn from our own challenges but we can learn as we support others in theirs.  And President Eyring really helped me realize that I cannot fix or even understand other people's sorrows or problems. Only God can really say, "I know how you feel." But, I can try and bring the Spirit with me and love others as I try to comfort them.

It's interesting that we all heard the same talks but different things stood out to each of us.

I think this is what is meant by "differences of administration"(D&C 46:15) in the scriptures.

Scripture Study

Since the first of the year, I have been following along a reading program for the Book of Mormon.

It gives reading assignments each day, a question to ponder, and a talk to go with the reading.

I have really enjoyed studying my scriptures this way.

I even bought a special notebook to write down my thoughts and keep notes in.

If a particular thought stands out to me then I've been hanging it on the wall next to my bed.

It's fun to watch my kids notice when I've put up something new.

And sometimes they'll even ask me what it means and we can have a good discussion about it.

A quote I've read recently from Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "Our motives and thoughts ultimately influence our actions." Oct 2006

I have noticed that as I focus on my daily study, I am beginning to spend a lot less time on my phone scrolling through various social media sites.

It really is true that if you fill your life with the important stuff first then the unimportant stuff begins to fall away.

Addiction

Tetris. Solitaire. Candy Crush. Temple Run. Dots. Sudoku.

Computer games. (Not just for computers anymore.)

I can't have them on my computer or phone.

I'm one of those people with an addictive personality.

I talk to my kids about it, because I'm pretty sure I've passed the gene down to them.

Because of this personality, it's just better to not even get started on some things.

When I do start something, it's hard to stop.

Although this is embarrassing and overly dramatic, I've been feeling that I need to share some of my thought process:

It's not that big of a deal.
Everyone else can do this and they don't seem to have a problem controlling it.
This is great.
I feel like I'm doing good this time.
It's not a problem.

Then:
I should probably stop.
I've got a lot of things I should take care of.

It progresses to:
Why can't I stop.
Everything is in a daze.
I just want to go back to doing that.
When I'm doing that I don't have to worry about anything else.
My family is keeping me from doing what I want and what makes me happy.
Could everyone just leave me alone for a while.

And then:
Why does my life seem to be falling apart.
I just need my own space.
But, I don't want to stop.
Then I have to face all of this other stress in my life.

Until finally:
Why can't I stop this.
I know it is hurting me and my family.
I need help.

The image in my mind is falling down a well.

For me, cold turkey is the only way to go.

I have to hit the uninstall button.

And that's when:

Life is so much brighter.
I love my family.
I can do hard things.

But, why am I able to stop, ever?

Faith saves me.

Not just believing.

I can't stop myself from falling.

I hit a hard brick floor and it hurts.

Bricks of personal prayer, scripture study, etc.

It is the bricks that stop me from falling forever.

Jesus Christ is my stonemason.

HE is the light at the bottom of my well.

And the light at the top that I seek.

HE helps me build the bricks into what I need.

Sometimes that is a floor to stop me.

Or a wall to protect me.

And eventually, if I keep adding to the bricks, I know that HE will build for me a mansion in heaven.

Thanksgivings

These are my thankful posts that I did on Facebook. I'm re-posting it here on my blog to help me remember.

November 1 at 9:15pm ·
I'm going to try and post something I'm thankful for every day until Thanksgiving. Because, I need to have more gratitude in my life.

First, I am most thankful for my Savior, Jesus Christ and the Atonement.
 
November 2 at 6:56pm ·
I am so thankful to be married to someone who believes in me more than I believe in myself. Who loves me the most and helps me be a better person. It doesn't hurt that he's super hot!
 
November 3 at 9:40pm ·
I am so thankful for my kids who drive me crazy, make me laugh, bring me to tears and my knees, and fill my life with so much love and joy.

November 4 at 9:17pm ·
I am thankful for a living prophet who speaks God's word to the world today, just as in ancient times. And for apostles who direct Christ's church on the earth. 

November 5 at 6:47pm · 
I am so thankful for my home. That I have a roof over my head, and heat for cold nights. And indoor plumbing and a refrigerator, stove, oven, sink. It is a true blessing.

November 6 at 8:33pm ·

I am so thankful for my body. I never want to take for granted the fact that I'm able to walk, run, exercise. And that having this particular body of mine allowed me to birth 7 children!

November 7 at 7:26pm ·
I am so thankful for my parents who raised me with love and taught me correct principles. They are perfect examples of focusing their lives on doing good and serving others. — with Sandra Banks and Douglas Banks.

November 8 at 7:54pm ·
I am so thankful for friends. The neighborhood where I grew up and learned to play and high school where I was a teenager (enough said). College roommates who helped me define myself and mission friends who taught me to serve. And no matter how many times I have moved or the numerous places I have lived there have always been amazing friends who have walked with me on this difficult/joyful path of life. Thank you!

November 9 at 5:23pm · 
In the same theme as yesterday, I am so thankful for my first friends - my siblings. Even though we had our moments growing up, and we now all live pretty far away from each other, and we aren't the best at keeping in touch, I know that my family would do anything for me. Feeling the love from and for Jeff, Pam, Jared, Christie, Katrina.

November 10 at 6:39pm · 
I am thankful for my husband's family which is also now mine. My in-laws raised an amazing son! (as well as 6 more sons and a daughter) I love that I get to carry their name and teach my children what it means to be a Cluff.

November 11 at 7:35pm ·

I am so thankful to live in the United States of America. I am thankful for the many freedoms that I enjoy. And I am thankful for all of those who have served to help protect these freedoms. 

November 12 at 8:59pm ·

I am so thankful for this small, quirky, awesome town that I live in. Even though it is below freezing most of the winter, and winter lasts until May, it is home. I love the mix of college students, young families, senior citizens, college professors, and farmers. I love the schools my kids go to and how I can drive the whole town (in traffic) in less than 20 min.

November 13 at 8:50pm · 
I am so thankful that my husband has a job that supports our family. This hasn't always been the case and I do not want to take for granted the fact that he works so hard for our not so little family in a job that is not always the easiest.

November 14 at 8:59pm · 
I am so thankful for weather. The different seasons; thunderstorms; blizzards; big puffy clouds; humidity; below freezing; radars; cold fronts, warm fronts, occluded fronts; the color of the sky before a big storm; the slight warm-up before the snow. Everything about it!
 
November 15 at 11:32pm · 
I am thankful for curry. The end.

November 16 at 8:11pm · 
I am so thankful that I can read the words of God in the scriptures. I am thankful for the Old Testament with the many stories and warnings of faith. I am thankful for the New Testament and the words and life of Jesus Christ and his apostles. I am thankful for the Book of Mormon which also testifies of Christ. I am thankful for the Doctrine & Covenants which has latter-day revelation from God. Reading the scriptures is when God talks to me.

November 17 at 9:38pm · 
I am thankful for teachers. They sacrifice so much to do something that they love for people that they learn to love. My kids have had such fabulous school teachers. And I love that I still remember my teachers and lessons taught to me in elementary school on up. And I'm thankful when church teachers prepare in such a way that I can continue to ponder their words during an entire week.
 
November 18 at 7:19pm · 
I am thankful that I have a car to drive around. And that it works more often than not. And that it fits my large family. I would love to be a public transportation person, but my town is not built that way. And grocery shopping would have to be completely different without a car.
 
November 19 at 7:11pm · 
I am thankful for the temple and the covenants that I have made there. I am thankful that 20 years ago today, my husband and I were married and sealed together in the Washington D.C. temple. And not just for time, but also for eternity. And I'm thankful that as I do my best to keep those covenants and through Jesus Christ, the family that we have created together will also be together forever.
 
November 20 at 5:06pm · 
I am so thankful for music. It has a way of reaching my soul like almost nothing else. I love all kinds. It sometimes (always) makes for a very loud house with a cello, trumpet, piano, synthesizer, pandora, etc. playing. But I'm thankful for the joyful noise that music is.
 
November 21 at 3:24pm ·
I am thankful for time. Two scriptures come to mind when I think of this. Ecclesiates 3:1-8 "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven...";

Alma 34:32 "For behold, this life is the time for men to prepare to meet God; yea, behold the day of this life is the day for men to perform their labors."
Even though it seems like I don't have enough some days and other times I want it to speed up, I am thankful that I have time.

November 22 at 10:15pm ·
I am thankful for my ward/congregation family. I am thankful for the mix of personalities that come together for a common cause. And even end up getting along and loving each other. I'm surrounded by fabulous people.
 
November 23 at 1:47pm · 
I am thankful for answered prayers. Even when they are not answered the way I expect or want. I am thankful that God hears me and knows what I need.

November 24 at 8:34pm · 
I am thankful for our chickens. I love being able to walk past the egg section of the grocery store and not have to fill it with cartons and cartons. I was a little skeptical at first (being the city girl that I am) but I love gathering eggs every day and feeding them to my family.

November 25 at 6:47am · 
I am thankful for my education. I was never a serious student and I never got a "career" from going to college. But, I'm thankful I had the opportunity to learn and get wide experiences that have expanded who I am.

November 26 at 7:29pm · 
I am thankful to live close enough to my oldest's university that she can be home for Thanksgiving and help me make pies! — with Kensington Cluff.

November 27 at 7:44am · 
Happy Thanksgiving!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XbXvCZfiOVM

Whirlwinds

What is it about the wind that bothers me?

I used to love the wind. 

Well, at least listening to it blow outside. 

That was probably when I was younger and safe inside my parents home.


I think my dislike for it started when we had a broken window in our home.

The place we lived was very windy, and a window pane had been removed to be replaced.

That sound of the wind blowing into my house all day drove me crazy.


In our new "windy" city where we live, it's not just the sound that bothers me anymore.

One of our outbuildings (that we're still working on) has a tarp for a roof. 

And the wind is tearing it to shreds right now.

I hate watching the wind destroy.


When I was young, the whirlwinds of life didn't bother me.

Or at least I felt comfortable withstanding them.

But, now I'm tired of the "noise" that surrounds me.

And I have personally experienced destruction from these "winds".


How can I feel safe again, protected from what is happening in the world?


Elder Neil Anderson in April conference has the answers in this talk:

My young brothers and sisters, how we love you, admire you, and pray for you. Don’t let the whirlwinds drag you down. These are your days—to stand strong as disciples of the Lord Jesus Christ.

Build more firmly your foundation upon the rock of your Redeemer.

Treasure more completely His incomparable life and teachings.

Follow more diligently His example and His commandments.

Embrace more deeply His love, His mercy and grace, and the powerful gifts of His Atonement.

As you do, I promise you that you will see the whirlwinds for what they are—tests, temptations, distractions, or challenges to help you grow. And as you live righteously year after year, I assure you that your experiences will confirm to you again and again that Jesus is the Christ. The spiritual rock under your feet will be solid and secure. You will rejoice that God has placed you here to be a part of the final preparations for Christ’s glorious return.

Zion

I had this new thought as I was teaching about Zion in Sunday School yesterday.

In the scriptures, Zion is referred to as "the pure in heart". (D&C 97:21)

No where does it say that we have to be perfect to be a part of Zion.

Just pure.

What's the difference between pure and perfect?

I believe it is my actions.

I can be pure by having my heart in the right place at all times.

And then I can constantly work on my actions to become more perfect through the Atonement of Christ.

Having my heart in the right place means that I cannot judge others.

"Don't judge me because I sin differently than you do." (Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf, April 2012)

To me, that is Zion.

Being one in heart and purpose.

Not judging; but helping each other as we use the Atonement to become perfect.

In case anyone was wondering...

Working out to "30 Day Shred" only a few months after having a baby is completely different than working out to the same video 4 years after said baby.  Even though my workouts have been few and far between - it wasn't as hard as I remember.

I feel like I'm starting to come out of some kind of haze that I didn't really know I was in.  In some ways I feel like I had PTSD from all of the moving (3 times in 7 months).  But, now that I'm feeling settled I'm starting to regroup a bit.  And, I am no longer saving boxes.

I feel like writing more (see above).  Again.  I don't think I'll do the write every day like before, but I'm going to try and write more often.

I'm feeling the need to learn something new.  I think I might take voice lessons.

My family is growing up.  And I have to remind myself that I am at the peak of everything right now.  Peak laundry, peak eating (actually I think we've got room to grow here), peak grocery shopping, peak noise, etc.  My oldest will leave for college in less than 6 months.  I have a feeling that once she goes, time will speed up exponentially.

I'm currently on the "no treats" diet again.  Except this time, I'm allowing myself to eat treats on the holidays.  I want to enjoy all the pies I'm making for Thanksgiving. (Christmas lasts the entire month of December, right?)

Sometime, I'm going to post the list of all the crazy things that are said in my house.  Here's an example:  "Don't cut your ham with your elbow!"  We have a lot of those.

Also, I'm not posting this link to Facebook like I sometimes do.  I think that's the only time people read my blog and I don't feel like sharing so much this time.

Life's Production

My girls just finished their high school musical production.  

It was so fun to watch them participate in something so great, even if they were just a small part of it.

It made me want to be a part of a big production, too.

But, if I look at life as a big production, I am part of it.

There have been times when I seemed to be front and center of the show.

And there are times when it seems that I'm more of the stage crew/costumer/food producer for the show.

(So much drama people!)

One thing I have to remind myself is that in any live production, mistakes will be made. 

Cues will be missed.  

Props go awry.

And to those making those mistakes, (or the parents of those making them), it's embarrassing. 

It can even seem like everyone noticed and "is there anyway we can just start over?"

But when you're watching, it's never that bad.  

In fact, there's probably more people that didn't even notice it than did.

The show continues to go on.

And the mistakes cannnot take from the majesty of the production.

Do you know what part of the "life's production" I wish I could do more than any other?

I want to be one who is making beautiful music.