Looking Ahead

I'm the kind of driver that likes to anticipate.

I watch the opposite traffic light to prepare for when my light turns green.

And I'm constantly checking my mirrors to try and see who's coming and going around me.

One time, when I was getting ready to merge into traffic from a stopped position, I ended up hitting the car in front of me.

I had been watching for when I could go and forgot that it wasn't my turn.

It's a lesson that I try to teach my kids.

Don't just anticipate - look at what's in front of you.

I have realized that it's not just a driving lesson.

There are times when I am so focused on the future and what is ahead, that I forget to look around and see what is happening right in front of me.

Looking ahead is good.

Seeing and being in the present is more important.

The Color of Hope

It's been a very long winter here.

The snow came early and then didn't leave until the end of April.

As the temperatures began to rise and the snow melted, everything looked the same color.

When I could finally see grass it still wasn't green, yet.

Everything seemed brownish gray.

Driving around town I would look for any kind of color.

The anticipation gave me hope for spring.

Little by little, color started to appear.

First, the grass started to look a little greener.

The skies started to seem less gray and more blue.

Then white clouds.

And now the trees have bloomed - lots of pink and white!

Today, as I drove around there seems to be color everywhere.

What did I do to get this color back?

Nothing.

I couldn't do a single thing about it.

It only happened because of time.

There are times that my life seems like this.

Everything seems dreary and gray and hopeless.

And I search for something that may bring me hope.

Most of the time, there isn't really any thing I can do.

I just have to wait.

But, it always comes.

Eventually.

And when it does, it is glorious.

Desire

This week's scripture study has focused a lot on receiving revelation.

That is also something that our prophet has been pleading with us to do - Hear Him.

Today during scripture study the word desire stood out to me.

"And the Lord said unto me: John, my beloved, what desirest thou? for if you shall ask what you will, it shall be granted unto you." D&C 7:1

I have a strong testimony of that.

Way back in 2019, I wrote a blog post about this testimony, when my word for the year was Seek.

I shared then how the Lord has always blessed me when I have been seeking for a desire that included a way for me to serve others. (piano playing, family history, etc)

But, what about now?

What is it I desire?

In 2011, President Oaks gave a talk titled Desire.

He said:

 "Desires dictate our priorities, priorities shape our choices, and choices determine our actions. The desires we act on determine our changing, our achieving, and our becoming."

It seems like I have been going at this backwards.

My focus is more on my actions; just going through the motions.

What I need to do is think about my desires first to help me with my choices.

I have a new determination to figure out what it is I desire right now.

For now, this scripture expresses what I hope for:

"Behold, thou are Marla[Oliver], and I have spoken unto thee because of thy desires; therefore treasure up these words in thy heart. Be faithful and diligent in keeping the commandments of God, and I will encircle thee in the arms of my love." D&C 6:20

Which Way Do I Want To Face?

There's a saying during Spring in the Mountain West:

"If you don't like the weather....wait 5 minutes."

This morning on my drive to work, there were some serious dark clouds.

You could see the rain falling.

But, then I parked my car and got out facing the other way.

Blue skies, puffy white clouds, a beautiful day.

Turn 180 degrees - stormy.

Turn again - blue skies.


Which way do I want to face?


The dark clouds and what may be coming or just left.

Or the beauty of the blue skies that may be coming or just left.

Stuck in the Snow

We have a lot of snow here! I love it.

But, sometimes, it's not awesome.

This morning, I saw someone stuck in the snow.

I parked my car and got out to help the other woman who was already there.

We pushed.

And we rocked the car.

And we pushed some more.

That car did not want to get unstuck.

Then someone else stopped to help and they pushed with us.

It kept seeming like it was going to get out.

It kept being stuck.

I kicked more snow under the front tires to give it traction.

We tried it in drive. We tried it in neutral.

A couple of more people stopped to help.

Someone even brought some ice melt to put under the wheels to give it some traction.

Pushing it forward actually started getting it stuck more!

Finally, I suggested that she try to drive backward more before we pushed again.

Why would she want to go backward?! 

There was a lot of snow behind the car and she had just made it through all of that!


It worked!

She got the traction she needed, she found a new way forward, and upward and onward she went.


There are times in my life when I have felt stuck.

And I have done so much pushing to try and get myself out.

Sometimes that's worked because there have been others there with a little extra push to help me go forward.

But, many times, what I really needed to do to was to go back.

Whether that was going back to things that I didn't want to revisit and repenting.

Or just stepping back far enough to see a different way forward.

Sometimes, the only way to get unstuck, is by going backwards for a bit.

A Time (Outfit) For Everything

Have you ever had one of those times when you have been totally over-dressed for an occasion?

(I remember going to one of my Dad's work parties and wearing a dress.  It was an outdoor picnic.  Awkward!?!)

Or, how about under-dressed?  

(Another one of my Dad's work party where everyone seemed to be in evening wear and I may have been in pajamas!?!)

Either way, it's uncomfortable.


Well, it happened to me again this Sunday.

I found this awesome outfit; one of those jacket/skirt combinations.  

I loved it (still do) and I felt so mature wearing it.  

I felt like I had finally arrived.  


And then . . .  

Church happened.


I spent the entire three hours wrestling with whiny children.

I didn't get to go to any of my classes because some of these whiny children refused to go to theirs.

I came home crabby.  

But, I couldn't figure out why.  It's not like this has never happened before.  

In fact, it happens a lot lately.  So what was the big deal?


Then I realized; I had been overdressed.

 I was wearing an outfit that made me feel like I had it all together.  

An outfit that is not usually worn by others who are struggling with children.  
(At least not outwardly, or physically. )

And it is not my time yet to be done "struggling" with my children.

I am right in the middle of my journey.

This is my time to be surrounded by children: be they whiny, rebellious, obnoxious.

Be they sweet, tender, innocent.


I need to remember what time it is in my life right now.  And dress (live) appropriately.  

I'm not saying that means that I can never wear this particular outfit.  

What it does mean to me is that I shouldn't wish my life away from what it is right now.

I'm sure there will come a time when I will sit through all of my church meetings.  Maybe even alone.


There is a time for everything.  

Sacrifice

I have heard sacrifice defined as: 

Giving up something you want now for something better later on.

That sounds easier than it is.


It involves faith.

That my prayers are really being answered.


It involves hope.

That what comes next will really be better.


It involves charity.

The fact that I love God more than myself; so I will take what He wants for me instead of what I want.

Job Hunt

At first I thought finding a job was a little like trying to get married.

It was so exciting to think about the future and what it would be like.

Then after a while you start thinking that maybe there's not just one special one out there waiting for you. 

You would be happy with any good one; but a lot happier with a right one.


Now, I'm beginning to feel that our job search is more like being pregnant.

It's pretty exciting at first.  But towards the end you just feel tired and apathetic.  And you just want to get it over with.  And you start to think that it's never really going to happen.


Who knows, maybe a few more months of job hunting will feel like something else.

I'm hoping for a graduation type feeling and not a death.

Colored Blind

I am colored blind. But not in the way you might think. Its just that color has never mattered to me.

Color has never been the first thing I notice when I see people. (And I grew up just outside of DC, so its not like I wasn't exposed to all colors.)

Unfortunately, I'm sure there are people out there who judge based on color. And I've heard stories and read books where color mattered.

All the talk this last week has been about our first "colored" president. And while I know that this week is historic for our country, and I know how important this is as a milestone for so many people; for me, he is who he is because of his ideas, not his color.

Does this make me a bad person?

I don't want to make light of the sufferings of others. And I know in my own rose colored world I haven't experienced any of that pain.

I just wonder if there will come a time when everyone becomes colored blind.

Maybe its because my mom and I used to play this game where we would look at strangers and imagine them as a different race. Or even ourselves.

All people look different.

But I never thought that looks or skin color could be a defining factor.

Naive.

Arrived

Does anyone else ever feel like they just haven't "arrived" yet.

I look around at my high school friends, college roommates, family, etc. and they all look like they have it completely together. They seem settled, happy. They seem to have a real life.

But then I look at my own life and wonder why am I so late doing everything? My life seems so far behind where everyone else is.

I guess it's a matter of expectations. What does "arrived" look like to me?

Unfortunately, I'm probably mostly thinking of material things. The nice house, the nice decor (not things taped to walls), a steady job, the right kind of toys, the money.

But I also know what really matters.

 Its the question: have I "arrived" spiritually? Am I where I should be now?

When I think about how much I have learned and grown in the past few years I definitely see improvement.

In some ways I will never really "arrive" spiritually because its the journey that counts.

And I can't do it on my own anyway.

Luckily, I have a lot of really good examples of people "arriving": high school friends, college roommates, family, etc.

Its always good for me to remember these things and know that I'm doing ok, even if it may not look that way with my own "material" eyes.

And to make sure that I look at others this way as well.

Because hopefully someday we will all "arrive" at the same place anyway.