Looking Ahead

I'm the kind of driver that likes to anticipate.

I watch the opposite traffic light to prepare for when my light turns green.

And I'm constantly checking my mirrors to try and see who's coming and going around me.

One time, when I was getting ready to merge into traffic from a stopped position, I ended up hitting the car in front of me.

I had been watching for when I could go and forgot that it wasn't my turn.

It's a lesson that I try to teach my kids.

Don't just anticipate - look at what's in front of you.

I have realized that it's not just a driving lesson.

There are times when I am so focused on the future and what is ahead, that I forget to look around and see what is happening right in front of me.

Looking ahead is good.

Seeing and being in the present is more important.

Choice Experience

Next week I start a new job.

It's been a journey to get here.

I wasn't planning on applying for the job.

My work was finally starting to feel really good.

One day, as I was driving with my husband, I said, "By the way, I'm going to apply for that job."

I hadn't planned on saying that.

But, as soon as I did, I knew that it was right.

So I applied for the job, but didn't care if I got it.

During one of my prayers I felt as if God was asking me if I wanted the job.

My response was, as always, "I want whatever you want for me."

Except, that's not what He asked.

He wanted to know what I wanted.

It was my choice.

That was harder.

It made me think about it more and make decisions.

I realized that I did want the job because of the growth and learning that would come from it.

And I knew that God would take care of any fears or doubt that I had about starting over.

Even after making that decision, I still felt it would be fine either way.

Because I went through that "living discussion" with the Lord, I was able to have the peace I needed when I was offered the job.

It is good to want to do the Lord's will.

But, the whole point of the plan of salvation is to make choices to become more like Him.

And to have experiences to teach us and help us grow.

God helped me learn that by asking me to choose.

I will always choose God.

And I know that He will never leave me alone.

How to Solve All the World's Problems in Less Than an Hour

Walking with friends is the absolute best.

The walking part is fine, but the best part is talking.

For some reason, during the walk we can figure out how to solve everything that's wrong.

Don't know how to deal with a family issue?

Come walking and by the end, you'll have several different ideas that could work.

Have questions about church doctrine?

So many scriptures and stories and experiences to help build faith.

Can't stand some of the things going on in the news cycle?

For sure, we can have that all figured out and mastered.

What is it about the golden walking hour?

For one thing, we are not trying to impress each other, we're just walking.

And talking.

We trust each other and know we will never get laughed at for any of our ideas.

I wonder if this works for men or if it's just a woman thing.

Because having our male politicians go on walks together might help. 

A lot.

I cherish my friends that are willing to walk with me and talk to me.

And I'm so grateful for all of the advice that I've been given and the examples of faith and power that are shown.

Be Myself

More than a decade ago, our family spent the summer being "homeless".

(that's a post for a different time)

During that time, I wrote a post about my drug of choice.

Being organized and structured was how I stayed sane.

At the time I had 7 kids all at home and it was chaotic.

Now that most of my kids are adults, the chaos is different.

And I recently spent a few years trying to get away from my "structured" personality.

For some reason, I felt that I needed to be a more "go with the flow" type of person.

I didn't like my black and white thinking.

Was there really a need to have all of that structure?

This quote from Sis. Patricia Holland really resonated with me.

"For many years I tried to measure the ofttimes quiet, reflective, thoughtful Pat Holland against the robust, bubbly, talkative, and energetic Jeff Holland and others with like qualities. I have learned through several fatiguing failures that you can’t have joy in being bubbly if you are not a bubbly person. It is a contradiction in terms. I have given up seeing myself as a flawed person because my energy level is lower than Jeff’s, and I don’t talk as much as he does, nor as fast. Giving this up has freed me to embrace and rejoice in my own manner and personality in the measure of my creation. Ironically, that has allowed me to admire and enjoy Jeff’s ebullience even more. 

Somewhere, somehow the Lord “blipped the message onto my screen” that my personality was created to fit precisely the mission and talents he gave me. For example, the quieter, calmer talent of playing the piano reveals much about the real Pat Holland. I would never have learned to play the piano if I hadn’t enjoyed the long hours of solitude required for its development. This same principle applies to my love of writing, reading, meditation, and especially teaching and talking with my children. Miraculously, I have found that I have untold abundant sources of energy to be myself. But the moment I indulge in imitation of my neighbor, I feel fractured and fatigued and find myself forever swimming upstream. When we frustrate God’s plan for us, we deprive this world and God’s kingdom of our unique contributions, and a serious schism settles in our soul. God never gave us any task beyond our ability to accomplish it. We just have to be willing to do it our own way. We will always have enough resources for being who we are and what we can become." (LDS Women’s Treasury: Insights and Inspiration for Today’s Woman, p.98)

I do believe it was good for me to step back and figure out why I do things the way I do.

And to make sure that my way wasn't getting in the way of the Lord's way.

But, I also realized that I don't have to be like anyone else.

God will use my strengths to accomplish His work and glory.

The Color of Hope

It's been a very long winter here.

The snow came early and then didn't leave until the end of April.

As the temperatures began to rise and the snow melted, everything looked the same color.

When I could finally see grass it still wasn't green, yet.

Everything seemed brownish gray.

Driving around town I would look for any kind of color.

The anticipation gave me hope for spring.

Little by little, color started to appear.

First, the grass started to look a little greener.

The skies started to seem less gray and more blue.

Then white clouds.

And now the trees have bloomed - lots of pink and white!

Today, as I drove around there seems to be color everywhere.

What did I do to get this color back?

Nothing.

I couldn't do a single thing about it.

It only happened because of time.

There are times that my life seems like this.

Everything seems dreary and gray and hopeless.

And I search for something that may bring me hope.

Most of the time, there isn't really any thing I can do.

I just have to wait.

But, it always comes.

Eventually.

And when it does, it is glorious.

D&C 88:74 - Personal Study

 "And I give unto you, who are the first laborers in this last kingdom, a commandment that you assemble yourselves together, and organize yourselves, and prepare yourselves, and sanctify yourselves; yea, purify your hearts, and cleanse your hands and your feet before me, that I may make you clean;"

This is the scripture that stands out to me today.

Here are my thoughts on it:

1. Assemble - I need to be where I'm supposed to be.

2. Organize - Everything has a rule. I need to make sure I know what the rules are; I want to understand God's laws.

3. Prepare - I need to soften my heart and focus on God's will not my will.

4. Sanctify - One definition of this word is 'to make binding'. I need to remember my covenants.

5. Purify & Cleanse - I need to repent often and come into Christ.

 

Desire

This week's scripture study has focused a lot on receiving revelation.

That is also something that our prophet has been pleading with us to do - Hear Him.

Today during scripture study the word desire stood out to me.

"And the Lord said unto me: John, my beloved, what desirest thou? for if you shall ask what you will, it shall be granted unto you." D&C 7:1

I have a strong testimony of that.

Way back in 2019, I wrote a blog post about this testimony, when my word for the year was Seek.

I shared then how the Lord has always blessed me when I have been seeking for a desire that included a way for me to serve others. (piano playing, family history, etc)

But, what about now?

What is it I desire?

In 2011, President Oaks gave a talk titled Desire.

He said:

 "Desires dictate our priorities, priorities shape our choices, and choices determine our actions. The desires we act on determine our changing, our achieving, and our becoming."

It seems like I have been going at this backwards.

My focus is more on my actions; just going through the motions.

What I need to do is think about my desires first to help me with my choices.

I have a new determination to figure out what it is I desire right now.

For now, this scripture expresses what I hope for:

"Behold, thou are Marla[Oliver], and I have spoken unto thee because of thy desires; therefore treasure up these words in thy heart. Be faithful and diligent in keeping the commandments of God, and I will encircle thee in the arms of my love." D&C 6:20

The Opposite of Fear

 "Pour out your heart to your Heavenly Father. Turn to Him for answers and for comfort.

Pray in the name of Jesus Christ about your concerns, your fears, your weaknesses—yes, the very longings of your heart. And then listen!"

Revelation for the Church, Revelation for Our Lives, Russell M. Nelson, April 2018

This is the quote that stood out to me in my scripture study the other day.

It made me wonder, what are the longings of my heart and what do I fear?

As I began to pray and pour out the longings of my heart,  I realized that I do have fears.

I try to be a positive person and I want to look at the good things instead of what I fear.

Especially, because as I start focusing on my fears, it becomes overwhelming.

I know that God listens to my prayers and knows all of my fears.

And He answers.

This was the answer I got today.

The opposite of fear is joy.

So, I changed my "I fear" statements to "I joy" ones.

I fear that I'm not loving my children enough.

• I joy that I have children to love.

I fear that my body is going to fall apart!

• I joy that I have a body!

I fear that I'm not doing all the things that I am supposed to be doing.

• I joy that I've been given a chance to live on this earth and learn.

It is empowering.

Compassion First

There are a few times in my life, where I have a learning experience that really sticks to me.

Like, I remember where I was and exactly what I was doing when I learned it.

I have been thinking about a particularly learning experience a lot, lately.

Several years ago, my husband had someone close to him make some accusations against someone else close to him.

My first response was to figure out what the truth was.

I did not want to believe it and I wanted to fight against it.

How could this person be feeling this way?

I just couldn't see it.

The way I remember my husband responding was something like this:

"That doesn't matter right now, what matters is that this is what they are feeling."

That is the saying that keeps coming to my mind over and over again.

It is not my job to figure out what the problem is, or how I can fix it.

Right now, my job is to listen to what others are feeling.

Figuring out solutions will come.

But, this is what they are feeling.

My focus needs to be on compassion first.

COVID-19 Schedule

I thought that I would post the schedule that is currently working for my family.

The ages of my kids are 18, 16, 12, 10.

I have always been a schedule person (see here).

5:30am-8:00am - Mom time (this is when I exercise, read scriptures, pray, get ready, etc)
8:00am - Breakfast
8:30am - Family scriptures
9:00am-11:00am - School work
          -Snack break-
More school
12:00pm - Exercise time
12:30pm - Lunch
1:00pm-2:30pm - Quiet Time
2:30pm - Zone cleaning
          -Snack break-
3:00pm-6:00pm - Project time/other school/free time
6:00pm - Dinner
They take turns picking a movie or show to watch every night after the kitchen/dinner is all cleaned up. As long as they got all of the necessary school work done.
9:00pm - Bedtime

It's working pretty good for us so far.

I'll post more about each block another time.

I'm trying to post a little bit more to record memories of this time.

Broken Pieces

Here is my scripture thought this week from studying. 

This part in Acts kept reminding me of a talk I thought I had heard somewhere, but I couldn't find a reference anywhere. So, I made up my own.

Acts 27:43-44

43 But the centurion, willing to save Paul, kept them from their purpose; and commanded that they which could swim should cast themselves first into the sea, and get to land:
44 And the rest, some on boards, and some on broken pieces of the ship. And so it came to pass, that they escaped all asafe to land.

The Lord had promised that they all would live.

Some were strong enough to swim to shore.

But some had to use boards or broken pieces to make it.


I imagine using a board to get to land would not be as fast as swimming.

And I'm sure I would not feel in control of the situation.



There are sometimes, in life, when I feel strong enough to accomplish what is needed.

I can "swim and get to land".

But there are lots of other times when I feel that the only way I can make it is by clinging to broken pieces or boards; barely surviving.

I just have to hold on and hope I make it.


Either way, the Lord will fulfill His promises.

He will help me get "asafe to land".

I know He will.


Another thought:

Even if I'm a "broken piece", I can still help others around me.

This accomplishes the Lord's promises, too.

Ultimate Intimate

I went to girls camp for the first time more than 35 years ago.

I made some really good friends.

There were three of us that called ourselves, "Ultimate Intimates".

We weren't even in the same ward or in the same school.

We saw each other at stake activities.

I'm not sure how it happened, but we stayed close.

At least two of us did.

We grew up together going to youth conference and stake dances.

I think we even dated the same boy once. :-)


Then it was off to college.

We went to the same one, but hung out with different crowds.

We worked together in the summer.

And after that "last single summer" we went our separate ways.

Not by choice; just by life.

She got married the summer I left on a mission.

We didn't keep in touch.

But, luckily, our parents did.


One summer, about eight years ago, my kids and I lived in Virginia with my parents.

My friend was also living there with her husband and three daughters.

We went over and had dinner with them.

It was a little chaotic with my gaggle of children.

But, we laughed and visited and got reacquainted (somewhat).

Then we moved on with life again.


Last week, my friend brought her daughter to college here.

Her mom told her I lived in the area and so she reached out.

We decided to meet up for brunch.

I can't explain the feeling I had as I saw her walking towards me.

She looked exactly the same as I remember.

I had all kinds of emotions come up.

We hugged each other for a long time and had to wipe some tears.

And then went to eat, but mostly visit.

It wasn't one of those awkward visits either.

It was real.

We talked about real stuff.

It was just the two of us this time and it was perfect.


Why is it that I would feel so close to someone and share so much with this person that I haven't talked to in eight years?

There was a real comfortableness for me.

Maybe from knowing that she knew the real me from a long time ago?

I'm sure I could get more philosophical about it.

But, really, my heart is telling it's because we truly are ultimate intimates.

The Son

We have had a very mild winter this year.

But the temperature does not always tell the full story.


I walked into church this morning without my coat buttoned up.

Then, I realized I should feel colder because it was only 13 degrees.

I felt warmer than I had the day before when it was 36.


The difference was the sun.


The sun makes all the difference in whether I feel cold or warm.


When I am going through a hard or dark time in my life, the only way to get through it is with the Son.

He makes the cold days seem better even if they aren't.

The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? Psalms 27:1

Summer Schedule

I've been a bit anxious about school ending.

I'm definitely tired of sending my kids out every morning and the rush/hassle it is.

But, I've been feeling a bit lost about what happens next.

This will be my 3rd summer that I am working part-time while my kids are home. And I'm still trying to get the hang of it.

I finally sat down the other night and got my plan figured out.  In case anyone is wondering why I do this, you can read this old post.

I'm sharing my schedule on this blog in hopes that others will join me - I've always thought, the more the merrier.

5:45 am - walking

7:15 am or so - check in at work

8:00 am - family scriptures

8:30 - 9:30am - breakfast/get ready/morning chores/personal scripture study

Play time!!!

1:30 pm - ? work

6:00 pm - dinner

7:00 pm - evening/kitchen chores

read out-loud book

9:00 pm - bedtime

Monday - Homeschool Day/Library

Temple Tuesday - (little kids watch a movie? or do a trade with another family?)

Friendsday Wednesday - play group/park day/etc.

Thursday - Shopping/One-on-one time/Kids Cleaning Day

Friday Funday - Field trip/Hiking

Saturday - Outdoor (work on house or play!!) 

I'm so lucky that I have the job I have. It is so flexible. 

Which I know I will have to be this summer.

I have grand ideas of what our summer will be like. 

But, even if it doesn't turn out just so, at least I have a foundation to work with.

Running Hills (Part Four)

I've written a lot about running hills.

Running Hills (part 1)
Running Hills (part 2)
Running Hills (part 3)

But, not recently.

I was thinking about that the other day on my early morning walk.

My goal this summer is to do a lot of hiking, so I'm trying to get stronger.

Why don't I run hills anymore? Am I missing out on those lessons? Am I doing something wrong?


Actually, I don't mind not running right now.

Walking is what I need. 

I can talk when I'm walking.

There's more chances to look around and notice the beauty around me, than when I was trying to make a certain distance or time.


I do miss the sense of accomplishment I felt when I conquered a hill.

And, I still should probably find some hills to practice on.

But mostly, I'm just walking as much as I can.

So when I start hiking, and come to a hill, I'll already have some strength built up.


Walking can feel like I'm doing the same thing over and over again; without really progressing.

The way that sometimes saying prayers, reading the scriptures, going to church, etc. starts to feel.

But, walking (instead of running) is not the same thing as coasting.

I'm still walking and moving forward.

Saying my prayers and reading my scriptures every day is moving me forward.

Slowing down has helped me notice more of the beautiful things in my life.

It is still strengthening me.


And so, if/when I come to a "hill" in my life, I'll have the strength I need to conquer it.

Stuck in the Snow

We have a lot of snow here! I love it.

But, sometimes, it's not awesome.

This morning, I saw someone stuck in the snow.

I parked my car and got out to help the other woman who was already there.

We pushed.

And we rocked the car.

And we pushed some more.

That car did not want to get unstuck.

Then someone else stopped to help and they pushed with us.

It kept seeming like it was going to get out.

It kept being stuck.

I kicked more snow under the front tires to give it traction.

We tried it in drive. We tried it in neutral.

A couple of more people stopped to help.

Someone even brought some ice melt to put under the wheels to give it some traction.

Pushing it forward actually started getting it stuck more!

Finally, I suggested that she try to drive backward more before we pushed again.

Why would she want to go backward?! 

There was a lot of snow behind the car and she had just made it through all of that!


It worked!

She got the traction she needed, she found a new way forward, and upward and onward she went.


There are times in my life when I have felt stuck.

And I have done so much pushing to try and get myself out.

Sometimes that's worked because there have been others there with a little extra push to help me go forward.

But, many times, what I really needed to do to was to go back.

Whether that was going back to things that I didn't want to revisit and repenting.

Or just stepping back far enough to see a different way forward.

Sometimes, the only way to get unstuck, is by going backwards for a bit.

My Part in His Plan

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf posted this on Facebook recently:

"April general conference is a time when seasons change. In the southern hemisphere, the leaves turn colors as autumn begins, and spring flowers bloom in the north. Conference provides an opportunity to gather together as friends and families to become more united in our faith in Jesus Christ and in our efforts to serve Him.

 As I have prepared for this conference, I have felt impressed that each one should ponder again about God's plan for our lives and consider our individual place in this divine plan as His children.

Please, always remember that each one of us matters to Him, wherever we may be. "

I've been thinking a lot about this question:

What is my role in Heavenly Father's plan?

The answer that I came up with:

I am my Heavenly Father's daughter.

My part in His plan is to learn and to return to live with Him again some day.

I don't need to do any BIG thing for Him.

I just need to learn who I am again (and again, and again).

He will tell me through the scriptures and prayer.

He will tell me through my obedience.
 
We are all on the same journey.

So, while I am walking this path back to my Heavenly Father I will help others on their path, too.  

It really is as simple as that.

Generation Gap

"Another face of pride is contention. Arguments, fights, unrighteous dominion, generation gaps, divorces, spouse abuse, riots, and disturbances all fall into this category of pride."

I've been thinking about this quote from Ezra Taft Benson's talk on Pride.

What is contention in the form of generation gaps?

When I first heard this, the thought came to my mind of older people looking down "on the young kids today!"

And then I thought about the "younger kids" looking at older people thinking that they don't have a clue what's going on anymore.

I guess I'm right in the middle these days because to be honest, I've entertained both of these thoughts.

I live in an area where I'm surrounded by young and old and everywhere in between. 

And sometimes it feels like I don't have very many close friends.

Or at least it doesn't seem like I have any friends that are the same age as me or going through the same stage of life.

(And by friends, I'm talking about people I have actual contact with throughout my day, not just through social media.)

So, I tried to think about who I would consider my friends right now.

They are mostly either the same age as my parents or young moms who are probably closer to my kids age than to mine.

(I'm sure this has a lot to do with the teenage-parenting stage and the time constraints we all have in this situation.)

These friends teach me a lot.

And when I'm with them I don't think about our age differences.

It is just pure friendship. 

I love my generation gap friends!

The Good Part

My life is crazy.

It has been for a long time.

Recently, it got more crazy when I started working outside of my home.

I am a focused person and I do great when I have one thing that I can focus on completely.

For the last 18 years or so, my main focus has been on my family.

But, throw a new job in there and all of a sudden I have to focus on that, too.

So, I did what I always do when I'm feeling overwhelmed.

I made a list.

I listed all of the things that I need, or want, or have to do.

Things like: make dinner, family prayer, visit neighbors, read scriptures, church calling, work, volunteer, read books, clean the house, work in the yard, etc.

I filled an entire page with tasks.

Then, I numbered them according to importance in my life.

I came up with about 7 different levels of priorities.

It has been life changing in helping me focus on what is important.

I found that my natural instinct, when I'm overwhelmed, is to start focusing on things that are lower on my priority list - like decorating my house, or landscaping my yard.

And that even though my job is a high time commitment, it's not in my top levels of priorities.

Then there are those times when I'm having a good day and feel like I have a handle on things. I can go to my list to know what I need to focus on next.


My number one priority category has only  3 tasks in it:

Listen to the Spirit
Read/Study my scriptures
Personal prayers

That's it.

When I start to feel overwhelmed with all that I need to be doing, I stop and focus on that top priority. 

Have I prayed today? Have I studied my scriptures? Am I trying to feel the Spirit?

If I can answer yes to those three questions, then I'm good.

This scripture (Luke 10:42) has always stood out to me:

 41 And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things:

 42 But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.

Those three things are the good part that I choose. 

Teaching Sunday School

Teaching Sunday School has been one of my favorite callings in church.

Here is the approach that I take:

I start by reading over the lesson entirely and somewhat quickly.

Then I read the scriptures covered in the lesson throughout the week.

Saturday night is when I usually sit down and make an outline of the lesson and scriptures I want to share.

I pray a lot that the Lord will guide me in what I need to focus on.

In my prayers, I share with the Lord all that I have learned during my study that week and ask Him to help me be able to know what is needed for the class members.

And I pray for those who I will be teaching; that the Spirit will recognize their needs and use me to help them.


A few months ago I got a new calling in church.

And I've really missed the whole process that went with teaching.


Then I had an idea.


What if I lived my life the way I taught Sunday School?


I can study my scriptures each week with a focus in mind.

I can ask the Lord to use me to help those around me.

I can spend at least one day a week in earnest prayer pleading for those that I might be able to influence and hoping they feel the Lord's love for them through my words.

I don't have a regular class at church anymore, but I have a family that I am with even more.

They could use the same help and teachings from the Lord.

And I can have the feelings that I had while teaching Sunday School: knowing that I am being an instrument in the Lord's hands.