Exercise

Exercise.

It's important.

The end.



Ok, I'll say a little bit more about this.

(I mean, I did get a college degree in this subject.)


I am a true believer in exercising.

You know how most mom's have that one solution for any problem?

My solution for almost any problem is, "maybe you need to exercise?"

That, and "how much water have you had today?"

This COVID-19 came at a pretty tough time.

Our little town was just barely coming out of the long sleep of winter.

We've been stuck inside because of the cold for at least 4 months already.

And now that the snow is starting to melt and the temperatures are getting above freezing we can't go outside?!

I started a couch to 5k program about 2 weeks before quarantine.

Most of my runs were on an indoor track.

Luckily, there's been some nice enough weather (above 20 degrees) where I have been able to transition outside.

And more importantly, my kids need to get outside.

They're not toddlers anymore, but they still have energy that needs to come out other ways than yelling at each other.

Here's a list of some of the exercise activities they've been doing every day:

Biking (just up and down our street and maybe around the church parking lot)
Walking (up and down the neighborhood not getting close to anyone)
Exercise bike (inside)
Fitbit App workouts
Just Dance (wii)
Sword fighting (you know, the usual)

I have been doing Yoga on the days I don't run.

Yoga used to make me dizzy, but I've learned to only focus on myself and not doing it exactly right and that seems to be helping my head.

I love it!!

Anyway, exercise is important.

Just do it.

Quiet Time

I want to talk about Quiet Time.

This is not to be confused with my Mom Time.

(and it is so important to me, that I'm skipping over exercise time to talk about it!)

When I was just starting out on this parenting journey, I was lucky enough to have an older sister with kids older than mine.

She was a gold mine of information.

But, the number one nugget she gave me was the idea of "Quiet Time".

Every day, there is a time set apart for it.

The rule is, it must be spent in your room and you can't come out until the time is over.

When I first started this, we did only a 15 minute quiet time.

And there was some crying and door holding to get it to happen.

They could do what they wanted in quiet time as long as they cleaned up afterwards.

At the beginning, it would usually turn in to nap time.

As they got used to the idea, we gradually increased the time.

And as more kids came along, there was less quiet and more messy  creative play.

It became 30-60 minutes of my day that I looked forward to having some down time.

Life saver!!


We'd gone away from quiet times in our home.

My kids are older and not around that much anyway.

That is until now.

We are home together all the time.

And Quiet Time is back!


My kids complained a lot at first.

"We have to do an hour and a half of quiet time every day!!??!!"

"What are we supposed to do for that long??!!!"

Guess what?

It's saving our lives again!!

This time, everyone has to spend that time alone.

There's not many naps (though there have been some).

There's a lot of reading.

And a lot of creativity happening. (though no music is allowed - because quiet, right?)

I believe my kids are getting along a lot better with each other, because they have some alone time every day.

They play better together when they are together because they are not together all the time. Ha!

I usually end up working during that time.

Or just enjoying the peace.

If you are just starting out, don't expect perfect results at first.

We did the work to get to this.

But, it is worth the effort to get something like this in place.

Life saving, I tell you!

Thanks Pam.

School Work

I want to write about COVID-19 school.

I have two in high school (10th,12th) and two in middle school (5th, 6th).

Our schools/teachers moved everything on-line rather quickly when they shut school down.

The middle school had packets to pick up for 2 weeks worth of work.

The high school teachers emailed students and sent links to work.

They offer ZOOM meetings for kids to join if they want to; but it's not required.

We had a scheduled spring break during this closure time and the teacher's aren't giving homework during that time.

It was very stressful at first.

I did not want my kids to fall behind.

But, even more stressful, was trying to keep up on everyone's work and making sure that it was getting done.


Sidenote:
I have homeschooled almost all of my kids at different points in their school life.

And it took a while to get the right mindset.

In regular school, there are grades and tests to show where kids are in the learning process.

With homeschooling, there is no one to compare my kids learning with except their own.

I had to figure out that my job was not to "keep up" where they should be, but rather help them develop the learning and skills necessary to succeed in life.

(By the way, COVID-19 school is nothing like homeschool!  No field trips!)


Anyway, it was stressful.

I was starting to feel like the cranky taskmaster that I try really hard not to be.

Thankfully, I remembered my homeschool mindset and it helped me not stress about school work anymore.

We did a family council and talked about all the classes and assignments that each child needed to focus on.

I put the control in their hands, not mine.

I asked them to be diligent and that  I was there to help them not push or pull them.

I asked them to think about what classes they would feel stressed about not being caught up when/if school started again.

And that they should make a schedule and do a little bit of their work every day; especially in Math, English, and Science.

Our schedule has school work between 9-11, with extra time built in after lunch and quiet time, as needed.

And it's working.

My older kids know what needs to be done and they are mostly getting stuff done on their own.

Having a week of no school assignments coming in has been helpful to realize that there's no rush to get things done.

Learning is happening.

I have kids being able to focus more time on things that they really enjoy and want to learn.

And most importantly, I'm not constantly nagging at kids to get their stuff done.

I don't know how long we will be doing school at home.

I'm not sure what it will look like when they go back to school.

Grades don't matter to me as much as learning does.

(Although, grades matter to getting scholarships to college and that is important!)

I want my kids to remember this time at home as different and challenging.

But not as suffocating.

For our family, that means Mom backing off and loving more than nagging.

I promise that some days are better than others.

I truly believe, as Gordon B. Hinckley used to say:

 "It will all work out."

Cluffs Like Food

We really like food in our family.

It's a bit of a running joke in our family to say, "Cluffs like food."

My husband has a family history book of the Cluff family from late 1800s and early 1900s.

Our family got a kick out of reading the descriptions of the different family reunions.

A lot of the descriptions were about the food served.

That's why all the food times on my schedule are marked in bold.

Eating is important to us.

It's in our blood.

Also, if I didn't put regular eating times into the schedule, I'm pretty sure that my kids would be grazing all day long!

There are not a lot of chances to feel in control of life right now.

Making a schedule of food gives me at least a sense of control in that area.

I even scheduled out each day's snacks and lunches for 2 weeks.

And, like all hard schedules that I write out, they end up being "guidelines".

My kids know what food is in the house and they get one type of snack per day at the appropriate time.

It makes my life easy.

And my kids get fed. 

And in case anyone is interested, here's our list of snacks and lunches:

Pretzels*
Granola bar
Fruit
Crackers*
Gogurt
Goldfish*
Nuts
Popcorn
Veggies/Hummus
Treat
Nachos
Sandwich
Pasta
Ramen
Pizza Quesadillas
Mini Pizzas
Mini Sandwiches
Leftovers

* they read the serving size on the labels to know how much they get.

The thing is, my kids are always hungry.

So, my favorite line to use is, "It takes 30 days to starve. Come talk to me after not eating for 29 days."

I guess it sounds kind of harsh.

I really love my kids.

And I love my sanity.

And, we really like food.

COVID-19 Schedule

I thought that I would post the schedule that is currently working for my family.

The ages of my kids are 18, 16, 12, 10.

I have always been a schedule person (see here).

5:30am-8:00am - Mom time (this is when I exercise, read scriptures, pray, get ready, etc)
8:00am - Breakfast
8:30am - Family scriptures
9:00am-11:00am - School work
          -Snack break-
More school
12:00pm - Exercise time
12:30pm - Lunch
1:00pm-2:30pm - Quiet Time
2:30pm - Zone cleaning
          -Snack break-
3:00pm-6:00pm - Project time/other school/free time
6:00pm - Dinner
They take turns picking a movie or show to watch every night after the kitchen/dinner is all cleaned up. As long as they got all of the necessary school work done.
9:00pm - Bedtime

It's working pretty good for us so far.

I'll post more about each block another time.

I'm trying to post a little bit more to record memories of this time.

Asking the Right Questions

I am excited to be able to listen to inspired speakers this weekend of General Conference.

I am a strong believer in getting specific answers to my questions during the different sessions.

For example, ten or so years ago, when my husband was in the process of making a decision about a job, I remember a speaker mentioning Ephraim, Utah. For some reason it stood out to me.

We got a job offer from that city just a week or so after.

My kids had heard this story enough that last conference, when we were looking for a job, everyone was on the lookout for different cities or states that were named.

We decided that Idaho was probably mentioned the most. 

But, we thought that was weird because we hadn't applied anywhere in that state.

Guess what happened a couple of weeks later?

Now, I know that conference is not just about telling me exactly where I should live. 

But, I also know that I pay more attention when I am listening for something specific.

And every time I am looking for specific answers, I have heard them.

Some of the most common questions I ask before conference are, "How can I be a better mom?" or "What do I need to teach my family?"  and there always seem to be talks focused on just these topics.

For the last few years I have had all of my kids come up with their own questions or problems that they need help with.

One year, D was having a hard time falling asleep at night.  So, he decided that he wanted to get an answer for that specific problem.

The first talk in conference was about prayer.  And how prayer can help you with any problems you may be having.

He and I looked at each other, and we both knew that was his answer.

There was another time I prayed that a child of mine would be able to feel the spirit more in their life.

That was the conference when Elder Holland gave his powerful talk, "None Were with Him". 

I heard some quiet sniffling coming from the corner of our couch and saw that my child was definitely feeling the spirit.

My goal, this year, is to really focus on asking the right questions. 

Because I know that there is something I need to know. 

And since I know I will get an answer; I want to make sure that I get it right.

A Time (Outfit) For Everything

Have you ever had one of those times when you have been totally over-dressed for an occasion?

(I remember going to one of my Dad's work parties and wearing a dress.  It was an outdoor picnic.  Awkward!?!)

Or, how about under-dressed?  

(Another one of my Dad's work party where everyone seemed to be in evening wear and I may have been in pajamas!?!)

Either way, it's uncomfortable.


Well, it happened to me again this Sunday.

I found this awesome outfit; one of those jacket/skirt combinations.  

I loved it (still do) and I felt so mature wearing it.  

I felt like I had finally arrived.  


And then . . .  

Church happened.


I spent the entire three hours wrestling with whiny children.

I didn't get to go to any of my classes because some of these whiny children refused to go to theirs.

I came home crabby.  

But, I couldn't figure out why.  It's not like this has never happened before.  

In fact, it happens a lot lately.  So what was the big deal?


Then I realized; I had been overdressed.

 I was wearing an outfit that made me feel like I had it all together.  

An outfit that is not usually worn by others who are struggling with children.  
(At least not outwardly, or physically. )

And it is not my time yet to be done "struggling" with my children.

I am right in the middle of my journey.

This is my time to be surrounded by children: be they whiny, rebellious, obnoxious.

Be they sweet, tender, innocent.


I need to remember what time it is in my life right now.  And dress (live) appropriately.  

I'm not saying that means that I can never wear this particular outfit.  

What it does mean to me is that I shouldn't wish my life away from what it is right now.

I'm sure there will come a time when I will sit through all of my church meetings.  Maybe even alone.


There is a time for everything.  

Reality

What got done yesterday:

Made 4 batches of sugar cookie dough and 2 batches of frosting.

Created a dozen valentine cards with scrapbook paper, glue and glitter.

Cut out the cookies, frosted them, and put them onto plates to deliver to friends and neighbors.

Delivered around 7 plates of cookies.

What didn't get done yesterday:

Any dishes.

Any laundry.

Any cleaning.

Any type of valentine for my man.

Hardly any school work.

Making dinner (we had pizza).


I thought it was a great day!

Define Yourself

How do I define myself?

I've been thinking about this question.

I came up with a lot of different ways that I can define myself.

And it seems that the way I define myself determines my priorities.

I also wonder (probably too much) how other people would define me when they look at my life.

Then, more importantly, I thought "how does God define me?"

He defines me in only one way: I am His child.


What does that mean?

What is the role of a child and what priorities should I have being defined as such?


I don't expect my children to be anyone but who they are.

I love them.  

I want the best for them.  

I want them to learn what they need to so they can be successful adults.

And although I expect them to be obedient, I don't stop loving them when they are not.


That is all that God expects of me.  

To love Him and be obedient.  

And He will always love me and want the best for me.  

Teach, Train, Practice

I've been reading a new parenting book that has helped me focus on the purpose of teaching kids how to work.

I've mostly made my kids work because there's just a lot of work to be done in a family of 9.

I also knew that I wanted them to have the habit of hard work for when they got older.

But I'm learning that it's not just about work.  It's also about training my kids to do certain things.

Instead of just saying "go vacuum your room", I have to first teach them how to do it.

Then I have to follow this with a training period where I am make sure that they are doing it right.

Later, I get to give them lots of practice in vacuuming.

Here's how that looks like in my home right now:

• The 3 year old is in the midst of "practicing" telling when he has to use the bathroom.  From there we'll move on to some more training, then practicing in that particular area.

• My 5 year old is learning how to make her own breakfast.  We've got the toast thing down and now she's moved up to microwaved oatmeal.  I walked her through the steps and then I shadowed her as she did it.  Now she can pretty much do it on her own.  But I also have her make her little brother's oatmeal, too, for practice.

• My 9 year old is learning how to make salads.  At first it was just tearing up lettuce and washing it.  Then we moved on to cutting up tomatoes and cucumbers.  Now, I am putting her in charge of choosing the salads she wants to make with dinner, as well.  (I hope she'll be more likely to eat the salad if she's making it.) 

• I know we're kind of late to the game here, but I'm working on general hygiene with my 11 year old boy.  Things like the proper way to clean yourself in the shower; how to put on deodorant; nail care; and other bathroom issues.  I never really thought about actually teaching this stuff. I guessed that they would eventually just figure it out on their own.  But, I think I read that it actually takes 8 teaching times to learn a skill.

• My almost 13 year old boy wants/needs to learn to wake up on his own.  Right now, he's doing a good job of waking up the first time I tell him to get up, but we're going to get an alarm and then see if we can figure out a consequence/motivation for him to do it on his own. Then he can practice this for the rest of his life.

• My 14 year old daughter is going to learn how to iron.  Since she's gone to school all day, this will be a weekend training thing.  But, then she'll get lots of practice every Saturday for at least a few months.

• Finally, my 16 year old wants to learn how to make Sunday dinners.  She already knows how to do most stuff in the kitchen so I think this means letting her do it all on her own.  But, it will take some patience on my part to let her.

That's really the whole thing.  It would be much easier if I just continued to do these things myself instead of walking my kids through the steps over and over again.

But I want my children to be responsible adults with the necessary skills to survive thrive.

Having this sense of purpose to all the work I do, helps me feel good about being deep in the trenches of motherhood.

Birthdays

It's my 5 year old's birthday and she's having a hard day.

She stayed up late last night because she was too excited to sleep.

We hung some balloons up this morning and cooked her choice of breakfast (sausage, bacon, biscuits, eggs).

She opened her present.

And, now, "this is the worst birthday ever!"


She has been so excited for her birthday and I guess had a certain vision of how it was supposed to go.

Last year she had a small friend party with balloons and games.
 
And she's been invited to other kids' parties that were really cool.

Apparently, she hasn't noticed that we don't do parties every year.

Or really make any kind of huge deal out of birthdays.

I kind of feel bad for her.

I think it's one of those, "you'll thank me later" things.

Because, I'm just preparing her for when she becomes a Mom!  
(insert hearty guffaw here)

Daily Scrum

My husband got this idea from some managerial techniques that he had read about.

Basically, you get together and tell everyone what you have accomplished that day.  And then what you plan on doing next.

Our idea for starting it came from the fact that some of our kids complain that we make them do everything! all the time!

But, then sometimes, when we ask them what they have done that day they'll say, nothing!

So, sometime at dinner, we ask them two questions, "what did you get done today? what will you get done tomorrow?"

They don't really want to say nothing because then they can't complain later that we make them do everything!

I thought that the main benefit from doing this would be that my kids would be more motivated to get stuff done.

And there has been some of that.

What I didn't realize, was how helpful it would be for me.

Sometimes by the end of the day, when my house is a disaster;
and there's laundry to be folded;
and dishes to be done;
and a million other things that I didn't get done;
I wonder, "what did I do all day long"

But, as I go through "the scrum" I realize, "wow, I did accomplish some stuff today."

And it's actually some pretty important stuff like teaching my children, and feeding them, and loving on them.   
 
And because I feel better about myself, I'm more likely to get that other stuff done.  

It's always better to focus on the positives rather than dwelling on negatives.

Hooray for Daily Scrum!

Re-Post: Life is A Battlefield

I'm going to be totally lame because it's Saturday and I want need to get as much stuff done as possible.  So I'm re-posting one of my kids' favorite.  (Ok, it's one of my favorites too and it may or may not also still be applicable today.)

Slowly she creeps across the bleak landscape. Wary and unsure of her next step.

Visions of her partner's battle wound press into her mind. The scar will always be there as a reminder.

Some have no problem navigating through the area. And yet, for her, each step is a painful reminder of what once was.

There are those who would gladly do the job for the right compensation. But with no resources it is up to her, and her alone.

If only.

No, those thoughts must not be allowed to take over. She must live in the present and deal with what is before her.

Questions will only lead to distractions.

Distractions lead to neglect.

Neglect leads to, well, to this.

Eventually all of this must stop.

Bravely she stoops down.

Carefully, carefully.

She reaches for the nearest object, avoiding the urge to look around too much. Then slowly she stands again.

One down, who knows how many more to go.

Anyone feel like cleaning up my living room for me?

Random Thoughts on Teenagers

• Teenagers revert back to their toddler behavior.  There's a lot of fit throwing, crying, stomping, slamming doors, and whining.  By the way, they don't appreciate being told stories of their toddler years.

• I remember when I had my second child.  My sister brought my oldest to the hospital to visit.  She looked so huge to me!  It was like she had grown up over night. Same thing happened the other night when my oldest left with her two younger siblings to go to the church.  Driving.  When they got back home (an hour later) and she was holding the car keys, she looked so grown up to me!  Like she had grown up over night.

• I have the hardest time with the "odd" ages.  I think 2 year olds are cute, but 3 year olds are just a pain sometimes.  And those 7yr olds are just hard before they get to that magical age of 8. And don't even get me started on 11 year olds. Luckily, I spaced my kids perfectly. 3yrs - July; 9yrs, 11yrs - December; 13yrs - March; 15yrs - May; and finally 17yrs - August.  Three teenagers in the house.  And all at the odd years. I have a feeling it's going to be a "fun" year.

Zookeeper

I am a zookeeper.

And I don't just mean that my house is a zoo.

Or looks like one.

Or smells like one. (I still remember my cousin's daughter looking into our car after a road trip and saying, "it smells like animals!")

I'm talking about my parenting style.

Have you heard about this book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother by Amy Chua?

It's basically an explanation of a Chinese parenting method which produces successful tiger children.

Well, the other day on facebook a friend posted a link called Against Tiger Mothers.

It's the opposite view of the parenting method. He advances the idea of coyote parenting.

The idea being that tigers are the "specialists" and that coyotes are the "generalists" in our world.

I like both ideas.

Some of the children I raise will be tigers.

And some of them are definitely coyotes.

But, at least one of them might be a koala.

Sometimes it takes a while to see what animal they are.

That's my job as the zookeeper.

Figuring out what animal my child is and then following the appropriate "raising" technique.

Being a zookeeper is definitely not easy.

There are so many different kinds of animals.

In fact, in my zoo there are no two animals of the same kind.

But that's what makes a zoo great; the variety.


(And the variety is what makes it so loud, and messy, and smelly!)

Be Your Own Cheerleader

Few things drive me crazier than when I hear a kid say, I'll never get it done!

Or, it's too hard.

Really, what is the point?


One of my favorite classes I took in college was a Stress Management Class.

And other than breaking a board "with my hand" for the final, probably the best part for me was when they taught about self-talk.

During that class I realized that all that grumbling inside is useless.

Since then I have become a true believer in saying positive things to myself.

It's the whole "little engine that could" moral.

I think I can, I thought I could, I knew I could.



Well, it's kind of morphed into a self-promoting attitude.

Good job on dinner!

Hey, I cleaned all the toilets today - hooray for me!

Do you guys know how awesome I am; I ran for 12 minutes without stopping this morning!


I tell my kids all the time - you have to be your own cheerleader because you can't wait around for other people to do it.

I mean, it's nice if others notice your hard work, but really, just plan on cheering for yourself.


I think it is starting to rub off on my kids.

Yea, I got all my homework done!

I'm awesome because I'm done with my jobs!

I rock!


This is the kind of stuff I love to hear.

Science Geeks

It was the science fair last night.

I really like the way our elementary school does it.

Anyone who wants to can participate; but it is very low key and everyone gets a medal and certificate.

They had a professor from the university doing science experiments in the front for the kids and their families.

He had a static electricity ball.

And he had a girl with long hair put her hand on it so we could watch her hair go up.

He kept telling the kids "don't touch her or it won't work!"

But different kids kept throwing stuff at her and trying to touch her.

And I thought to myself: look at who you are talking to guy.

You have a bunch of kids in front of you who wanted to do the science fair.

They are the ones who like to experiment.

So of course, if you tell them not to do something or this will happen, they are going to test it out!

It's just the way their minds work.


It would do me well to remember this in my own family.

My kids are very strong-willed. (that might even be an understatement)

So of course, they are going to test limits to see what happens.

As long as they feel the consequences then maybe the lesson will be learned.

Unfortunately, it takes a lot of patience to actually put this into practice.

But, hey this life if basically one huge science experiment for us to test ourselves and learn.

Over and over again.

Kids Cleaning Day

My kids have regular "chores" everyday (get dressed, brush teeth, pick up your stuff, etc.)

Then they have an "after school job" that has to be done before snack (books, toys, couches, downstairs, junk).

And we rotate through "kitchen jobs" every night (garbage, dishwasher, floor, table, food, dishes, sinks, counter).

But every Tuesday is "Kids Cleaning Day".

I have done this different ways. But, I'm kind of excited about my new plan.

Every kid has to do everything on the first list (the oldest helps the youngest).

1. STRAIGHTEN

bed (made mom's way and all toys and books off)
closet (all clothes hung up nicely, no junk on floor)
clothes drawers (they can shove their laundry in everyday except once a week it has to be straightened)
top of dresser (junk collection spot - they have to put it in their treasure box, school drawer, or garbage)
shoes (make sure all shoes are lined up nicely with matches)

After their straightening jobs are done they get to start picking out of the jar.

There are 5 jobs in each category for my 5 school-aged kids.

Each category has its own color so I can just say, go pick a blue one, etc.

2. DUST (blue)
boys room, girls room, living room, playroom, electronics

3. VACUUM (orange)
boys room, girls room, living room, playroom, stairs

4. CLEAN (yellow)
bathroom sinks, toilets, bathroom floor, mirrors, kitchen chairs

5. ORGANIZE (purple)
coloring stuff, games, books, hair stuff, toys

If they happen to pick one that they did last week, they can choose again if they want to and there are any others left. (It gives them motivation to not be the last to pick.)

I like the fact that they might have to clean their brother or sister's room. (So far no arguments there.)

This is a shorter version than what we used to do, so there are some things that are left out (under beds, doorknobs, walls, etc.)

I put those on an "extra" list so when Dad says, "ask mom what job you can do" or mom says, "that just earned you an extra job mister!", well . . . you know the drill.

I'm pretty sure I'll have to come up with something new to keep their interest next year, but so far so good.


sheesh, I guess my kids have to clean a lot!


strike that and reverse


sheesh, I have a lot of kids to clean!

Parenting Books

This is for a friend who asked about different parenting books that I have read. Since I’ve been having a difficult time coming up with my next post, here’s the stone for those two birds.

First of all there are so many books out there. And they all kind of say different things; especially, when it comes to discipline.

I've found I just have to go with my gut. I guess most would call it mother's instinct.

So, as I read the books, I just disregard things that I don't really feel will work in my situation.

And I try hard not to have guilt about not doing everything they say I should be doing.

Here's a list of some books that I can remember and what I got out of them.

The first parenting book I ever read was by John Rosemond called "The Six Point Plan for Raising Happy Healthy Children". The main thing from this book was that the husband/wife relationship comes before the children; children should not be entertained all the time; kids need more vitamin N (no); and the purpose of parenting is to teach children to become responsible adults.

He’s a little heavy on the discipline side but the "5 Love Languages" was good for balancing out the other side.

I really like "Parenting Ephraim's Child". It is from an LDS perspective and totally went with my idea that these strong-willed kids are here for a reason and we just have to figure out how to direct them; good discipline ideas, too.

"The Mom's Club Diaries" is a fun one to read so you know you're not alone in the chaos.

And "Letters" by Marjorie Peay Hinckley is not really a parenting book, but so good to help you know that everyone is normal.

I know I read "How to Behave So Your Children Will Too", though now I really only remember the title.

For older kids I really liked Steven Covey’s "7 Habits of Highly Effective Families".

Anyway, I hope these help. And anyone else with good book ideas, please comment.
Good luck with your munchkins. I think you are an awesome mom.

Grow Up

These are two words that, at times, I really want to say to my child.

But I'm also afraid of it happening.

This child is smart and hilarious and so unconcerned with what others think. Sometimes (often) it comes off as loud and obnoxious. But, because she doesn't care, she has a freedom I think most people would love to have.

She wears what she wants, cries when she's sad, and laughs really loud at jokes. She knows the answer to everything and will give the shirt off her back to anyone who needs it.

She still believes in Santa fiercely. She told me the other day that she can't believe that no one in her 6th grade class believes in Santa or the Tooth Fairy. "Can you believe I'm the only one? What's wrong with them?"

I love that innocence about her.

At the same time, I get worried because it would be nice for her to understand reality, recognize situations for what they are, and try to fit in.

But even as I write this I think, why do I want that?

I've probably spent too much of my life trying to fit in. Do I really want that for her? Not really.

But, I think that at some point it will happen. She will grow up and then all the hurtful things people say and do (especially in junior high) are going to matter.

I definitely don't want that to happen.

So I guess that I hope she stays just the way she is and everyone continues to love her and accept her for who she is.

We could use a few more grown-ups like her anyway.