Truth

" And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things."  Moroni 10:5

"What experiences have you had when the spirit has shown you truth?"

This was the question I asked during our family's morning scripture study.

The answer that came to my mind surprised me.

Earlier that morning, during my personal prayer time, I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude for the family I grew up in.

I have fantastic siblings. 

And two incredible parents that raised me in the gospel and taught me so much by example.

We definitely all have "issues" and don't get along perfectly.

But, each of my brothers and sisters is remarkable and has lived through unique and amazing experiences. 

I have learned so much from them and continue to be blessed by their examples.

As I had these feelings of gratitude and amazement, I realized that the Holy Ghost was showing me the truth of "these things".

The surprise wasn't that I love my family.

It was that I had always thought being shown truth was just about figuring out right vs wrong, or good vs bad.

But that morning, I learned that truth can be known through expressing gratitude!

God is so good.

Choice Experience

Next week I start a new job.

It's been a journey to get here.

I wasn't planning on applying for the job.

My work was finally starting to feel really good.

One day, as I was driving with my husband, I said, "By the way, I'm going to apply for that job."

I hadn't planned on saying that.

But, as soon as I did, I knew that it was right.

So I applied for the job, but didn't care if I got it.

During one of my prayers I felt as if God was asking me if I wanted the job.

My response was, as always, "I want whatever you want for me."

Except, that's not what He asked.

He wanted to know what I wanted.

It was my choice.

That was harder.

It made me think about it more and make decisions.

I realized that I did want the job because of the growth and learning that would come from it.

And I knew that God would take care of any fears or doubt that I had about starting over.

Even after making that decision, I still felt it would be fine either way.

Because I went through that "living discussion" with the Lord, I was able to have the peace I needed when I was offered the job.

It is good to want to do the Lord's will.

But, the whole point of the plan of salvation is to make choices to become more like Him.

And to have experiences to teach us and help us grow.

God helped me learn that by asking me to choose.

I will always choose God.

And I know that He will never leave me alone.

small and simple pt2

In a class that I'm taking, we have an "accountability" project.

We chose personal daily goals and came up with punishments incentives if we miss a day.

I'm a goal setter.

I love pushing myself!

And I'm used to setting big and little goals for myself.

But, for this project we were to have no more than 3-4 daily goals.

It was hard for me to narrow it down.

These are the goals I picked: 

• 10 minutes of prayer/pondering
• No computer games
• Eat one serving of vegetables a day.
• Meet my step goal (up to 10,000)

I track these on a spreadsheet that is shared with a few members of my class.

If you know me, you know that I'm competitive.

I like to win.

Putting a check mark in each box definitely feels like a win.

But, it also felt too simple.

These were easy goals to reach.

Easy to reach, one day at a time.

And then I noticed something.

I would start thinking about all the other things I needed to be doing.

In the past, I would always end up adding a few more "goals" to my list.

And then start getting overwhelmed.

This time I chose to stick with these four simple goals.

I allowed myself some grace to not. do. everything.

I wish that I could explain the difference it has made in my life.

And not just because now I want to eat vegetables.

And not because I am winning.

My choice to focus on small and simple, allows my mind to be more free.

More free to hear God's will instead of mine.

Small and simple for the win.

On the Road to Emmaus

This is probably one of my favorite stories in the New Testament.

It's found in Luke 24.

Mary and other women had been to the sepulchre and saw that Christ was not there.

An angel testified to them that He was risen and told them to tell His disciples.

After being told of this miraculous event and not believing it, two of His disciples walked to a village.

And they talked while they walked; trying to figure everything out.

While they were talking, Jesus joined them.

But "their eyes were holden that they should not know him."

And He asked them to explain to Him what they were discussing and why they were sad.

They couldn't believe that He hadn't heard everything that had happened in Jerusalem recently.

So they explained to Him what they believed had happened and what they had hoped would happen.

His response was to teach them and expound scriptures to them.

As they came closer to the village (which was more than seven miles away) it seemed that Jesus was going to keep walking.

They still did not know who was walking with them but they "constrained him, saying Abide with us: for it is toward evening, and the day is far spent."

Can you imagine being taught by Jesus for that entire seven mile walk?

Of course, they wanted Him to abide with them.

But, it wasn't until after Jesus had broken bread with them that their eyes were opened and they knew Him.

What was their response?

They immediately went back to Jerusalem.

And they found the other disciples and "told what things were done in the way, and how he was known of them in breaking of bread."

There are times when my eyes are "holden" or restrained from seeing the Savior in my life.

Could it be that He wants me to talk to Him about what I know and what I'm hoping for?

Not being able to see Jesus doesn't mean that He isn't walking with me.

He is always there asking me what I'm worrying about or why I'm sad.

Asking me what I believe so He can teach me.

But, I have to take the time to hear Him.

So, if I study His words in the scriptures with a purpose, it becomes different than just reading the scriptures.

That is when my heart burns and I lose track of time and I want Him to abide with me.

I feel like I could "walk" forever if I were just able to keep that feeling with me.

The gospel word for that is endure.

But, how do I know Jesus?

When are my eyes opened so I can see Him.

On Sunday, I get to break bread with Jesus.

When I take the sacrament I promise to remember Him always.

And His promise is that I can have His Spirit with me always.

If I take the time to reflect on my weekly journey, I see Christ.

This is how I know Jesus.

I know that He died for me.

I know that He loves me.

I see Him.

And just like his disciples I want to share that with everyone.

Jesus Christ lives!

My Place

I went to a movie one time called The War Room.

It was about a woman who was a real estate agent and was having trouble in her marriage.

One of the houses she was to sell belonged to an older woman who taught her about turning to God for help.

She had a place in her house that she called her war room because she fought against darkness there through prayer.

It was a closet and it was full of scripture quotes taped to the wall.

The woman ended up creating a space like that for herself and it helped change her.

After seeing the movie, I started adding some notecards to my closet wall.

So, as I was studying the Come Follow Me lesson this week, there was a verse that stood out to me.

This is after Jesus has shared the Passover meal with his disciples and introduced the sacrament.

And it is right before He is to accomplish the greatest act in history - His Atonement.

 "And he came out, and went, as he was wont, to the mount of Olives; and his disciples also followed him." Luke 22:39

The Greek translation of the word wont is accustomed.

In John 18:1-2 it says, 

1 "... he went forth with his disciples over the brook Cedron, where was a garden, into the which he entered, and his disciples.

2 And Judas also, which betrayed him, knew the place: for Jesus ofttimes resorted thither with his disciples.

Gethsemane was a place that Jesus was accustomed to go to.

He went there often.

And that is the place He chose to go when He descended below all things.

I love the idea that Jesus went to a familiar place.

So, what is my place?

I thought about how much I love being outside and how I feel so close to God when I'm in nature.

But, the place that I go most often or that is the most familiar to me is not there.

I realized that my place is right next to my bed.

Anytime I am feeling stressed or joyful or tired, I go to the side of my bed.

I have spent hours there. 

Kneeling.

Writing.

Praying.

Pondering.

It is a sacred place for me.

My place.

Remember the Worth of Souls

Hiking is in my blood.

I love it so much.

The thing that I love the most is being outside.

When I have been asked when I feel the Spirit the most, my answer is always - in nature.

What is it about hiking and being outside in nature that moves me so much?

The beauty.

The gratitude I feel for the Creator.

The connection I feel with my body.

The disconnection from the world.

The serenity and peace.

The accomplishment of working towards and achieving hard things.

The scripture that comes to my mind most often when I'm hiking is found in the Book of Mormon.

"Believe in God; believe that he is, and that he created all things, both in heaven and in earth; believe that he has all wisdom, and all power, both in heaven and in earth; believe that man doth not comprehend all the things which the Lord can comprehend." (Mosiah 4:9)

I believe in God and still my belief is strengthened as I observe His creations.

And there are so many thing I don't understand, but I know that God does.

That gives me so much peace.

Knowing that God understands even when I don't allows me freedom.

Freedom from my daily anxieties and worries.

The other thing about hiking is that I get to use my physical body while feeling God's love.

I am a spiritual being with a physical body.

Which in the scriptures is defined as my soul.

My soul is nurtured when I take time to enjoy God's creations with my body.

And like David describes in Psalm 23, my soul feels restored.

I am so thankful for the times I am able to detach myself from the noisy part of the world and become immersed in the quiet beauty of this earth.

And my hope is that everyone can get an opportunity to connect their souls with God is this way.

No Answer

I'm not usually one who gets powerful answers to prayers.

Most of my experiences of recognizing the Spirit speaking to me comes through peace.

I've learned that when I do receive a strong impression it usually means that I'm going to need to rely on that answer because it probably won't make sense to me.

Here's an old example.

I had planned on homeschooling my youngest son.

Then I felt impressed that I needed to send him to kindergarten instead.

I didn't want to do that.

But, I listened  hearkened.

Three months later, I ended up getting a part-time job.

Six months later, I was called to be Relief Society president.

The latest instance of getting an answer was just last summer.

I felt like I had been led to teach seminary.

I took the class.

I did a teaching practicum.

I got a job as a substitute seminary teacher.

And, I was waiting to see if I could move forward in the process.

I really wanted to become a full-time teacher.

Everything felt right about it.

As I went to the temple and prayed about it, I had a very clear answer: "Just substitute".

No!

That is not what I wanted.

I  hearkened, but half-heartedly.

At General conference time I listened to the talks with the question still in my heart.

Can I be a full-time seminary teacher?

Is there something else I should be doing?

And then Elder Renlund spoke.

Saturday morning.

Here is the quote that was meant for me.

"If we have received personal revelation for our situation and the circumstances have not changed, God has already answered our question."

And he used the example Joseph Smith and the lost 116 pages of the Book of Mormon.

Wow, I didn't have to wait long for that answer. 

"Just substitute" was the answer that I needed to accept  receive.

Elder Renlund continued saying,

"Even as we trust God's prior answers, we need to be open to further personal revelation....We should recognize that... revealed direction can be and frequently is incremental."

I'm definitely still learning.

And I don't like being told no.

But, I do know that God loves me.

I know that He has blessed me with the gift of the Holy Ghost.

And that I am part of His work and His glory.

I will continue to trust and be amazed at His plan.

 

Be Myself

More than a decade ago, our family spent the summer being "homeless".

(that's a post for a different time)

During that time, I wrote a post about my drug of choice.

Being organized and structured was how I stayed sane.

At the time I had 7 kids all at home and it was chaotic.

Now that most of my kids are adults, the chaos is different.

And I recently spent a few years trying to get away from my "structured" personality.

For some reason, I felt that I needed to be a more "go with the flow" type of person.

I didn't like my black and white thinking.

Was there really a need to have all of that structure?

This quote from Sis. Patricia Holland really resonated with me.

"For many years I tried to measure the ofttimes quiet, reflective, thoughtful Pat Holland against the robust, bubbly, talkative, and energetic Jeff Holland and others with like qualities. I have learned through several fatiguing failures that you can’t have joy in being bubbly if you are not a bubbly person. It is a contradiction in terms. I have given up seeing myself as a flawed person because my energy level is lower than Jeff’s, and I don’t talk as much as he does, nor as fast. Giving this up has freed me to embrace and rejoice in my own manner and personality in the measure of my creation. Ironically, that has allowed me to admire and enjoy Jeff’s ebullience even more. 

Somewhere, somehow the Lord “blipped the message onto my screen” that my personality was created to fit precisely the mission and talents he gave me. For example, the quieter, calmer talent of playing the piano reveals much about the real Pat Holland. I would never have learned to play the piano if I hadn’t enjoyed the long hours of solitude required for its development. This same principle applies to my love of writing, reading, meditation, and especially teaching and talking with my children. Miraculously, I have found that I have untold abundant sources of energy to be myself. But the moment I indulge in imitation of my neighbor, I feel fractured and fatigued and find myself forever swimming upstream. When we frustrate God’s plan for us, we deprive this world and God’s kingdom of our unique contributions, and a serious schism settles in our soul. God never gave us any task beyond our ability to accomplish it. We just have to be willing to do it our own way. We will always have enough resources for being who we are and what we can become." (LDS Women’s Treasury: Insights and Inspiration for Today’s Woman, p.98)

I do believe it was good for me to step back and figure out why I do things the way I do.

And to make sure that my way wasn't getting in the way of the Lord's way.

But, I also realized that I don't have to be like anyone else.

God will use my strengths to accomplish His work and glory.

Imprints

I just finished reading a book for one of my book clubs.

It was set in Virginia right before the civil war.

The main character (narrator) was raised by her wet nurse who was a slave.

As the book goes on, it is easy to see how this character's choices are clearly affected by the one who truly "mothered" her.

Someone asked the question if we had someone like that who we remembered from when we were being raised.

I immediately thought of my favorite babysitter, Sassy.

Her name is actually Leslie and I'm not sure why she is so memorable to me.

But, I still think of her fondly and often.

Then, the other day I was thinking about my seminary class.

The one that I substitute taught more than any others at the beginning of the school year.

Even though they had their regular teacher more than me, I consider them mine.

And I know that some of them consider me their teacher also.

They are imprinted on my mind.

And because I was there for their first couple of days, I was imprinted on theirs.

Imprints.

Do I take the time to remember the imprint that my Heavenly Father and Mother have on me.

Like William Wordsworth famously said, 

"Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting;

The Soul that rises with us, our life’s Star,

          Hath had elsewhere its setting

               And cometh from afar;

          Not in entire forgetfulness,

          And not in utter nakedness,

But trailing clouds of glory do we come 

               From God, who is our home:

Heaven lies about us in our infancy!"

 

D&C 88:74 - Personal Study

 "And I give unto you, who are the first laborers in this last kingdom, a commandment that you assemble yourselves together, and organize yourselves, and prepare yourselves, and sanctify yourselves; yea, purify your hearts, and cleanse your hands and your feet before me, that I may make you clean;"

This is the scripture that stands out to me today.

Here are my thoughts on it:

1. Assemble - I need to be where I'm supposed to be.

2. Organize - Everything has a rule. I need to make sure I know what the rules are; I want to understand God's laws.

3. Prepare - I need to soften my heart and focus on God's will not my will.

4. Sanctify - One definition of this word is 'to make binding'. I need to remember my covenants.

5. Purify & Cleanse - I need to repent often and come into Christ.

 

Thoughts for a Cloudy Day

Cloudy days are the worst.

I spend far too much time trying to determine why the clouds showed up.

Or driving myself crazy trying to figure out how to get them to go away.

And sometimes even despairing that I'll never see the sun again.

Rather than spend all my energy chasing the clouds away...

which really - do I even have the power to do that?

... today I choose to recognize that the sun is still there behind the clouds.

I may not be able to see or feel the sun.

But, I can bask in simple knowledge.

The sun is there.

I will see it again.

Desire

This week's scripture study has focused a lot on receiving revelation.

That is also something that our prophet has been pleading with us to do - Hear Him.

Today during scripture study the word desire stood out to me.

"And the Lord said unto me: John, my beloved, what desirest thou? for if you shall ask what you will, it shall be granted unto you." D&C 7:1

I have a strong testimony of that.

Way back in 2019, I wrote a blog post about this testimony, when my word for the year was Seek.

I shared then how the Lord has always blessed me when I have been seeking for a desire that included a way for me to serve others. (piano playing, family history, etc)

But, what about now?

What is it I desire?

In 2011, President Oaks gave a talk titled Desire.

He said:

 "Desires dictate our priorities, priorities shape our choices, and choices determine our actions. The desires we act on determine our changing, our achieving, and our becoming."

It seems like I have been going at this backwards.

My focus is more on my actions; just going through the motions.

What I need to do is think about my desires first to help me with my choices.

I have a new determination to figure out what it is I desire right now.

For now, this scripture expresses what I hope for:

"Behold, thou are Marla[Oliver], and I have spoken unto thee because of thy desires; therefore treasure up these words in thy heart. Be faithful and diligent in keeping the commandments of God, and I will encircle thee in the arms of my love." D&C 6:20

The Opposite of Fear

 "Pour out your heart to your Heavenly Father. Turn to Him for answers and for comfort.

Pray in the name of Jesus Christ about your concerns, your fears, your weaknesses—yes, the very longings of your heart. And then listen!"

Revelation for the Church, Revelation for Our Lives, Russell M. Nelson, April 2018

This is the quote that stood out to me in my scripture study the other day.

It made me wonder, what are the longings of my heart and what do I fear?

As I began to pray and pour out the longings of my heart,  I realized that I do have fears.

I try to be a positive person and I want to look at the good things instead of what I fear.

Especially, because as I start focusing on my fears, it becomes overwhelming.

I know that God listens to my prayers and knows all of my fears.

And He answers.

This was the answer I got today.

The opposite of fear is joy.

So, I changed my "I fear" statements to "I joy" ones.

I fear that I'm not loving my children enough.

• I joy that I have children to love.

I fear that my body is going to fall apart!

• I joy that I have a body!

I fear that I'm not doing all the things that I am supposed to be doing.

• I joy that I've been given a chance to live on this earth and learn.

It is empowering.

Cinnamon Rolls & Gratitude

I have an amazing cinnamon roll recipe given to me by my mom.

They are a favorite in our home and neighborhood.

But, I don't think anyone loves my cinnamon rolls as much as my oldest son.

He brags about them to all of his friends and is always so appreciative whenever I make them.

The other day, I made them for our first day of school "bus stop breakfast".

It was the first time I have made them since my son left on his mission.

I became pretty emotional thinking about him missing out.

But, even more, I realized how much I loved making cinnamon rolls for him.

I knew how much he loved them because he told me all the time.

Then I thought that this must be how my Heavenly Father feels when I show gratitude to Him for blessings He gives me.

It must bring Him so much joy to bless me with what He wants to give me.

I hope He knows how much I love Him and appreciate all of my wonderful blessings.

And I want all of my friends to know about Him, too!

Gathering Scattered Israel

I took the time this morning to watch some of BYU Women's Conference.

As I was listening to Sister Bingham talk about gathering Israel, I had a thought come to my mind.

Gathering Israel means coming to Christ and bringing others as well.

Am I scattered?

Unfortunately, many times, yes!

There are many times when I am focused too much on life and all the things that need "doing".

And I forget that my main focus should be Jesus Christ.

When He is my main focus, the other things in life get done as needed.

This COVID-19 time is an opportunity to gather myself.

To remember what is most important.

As I focus on Jesus Christ through deeper scripture study, praying with more intent, and listening to His voice, I am gathering my scattered self unto Him.

Mom Time/Hear Him

So, I want to talk about the very first thing in my COVID-19 schedule.

When school was in, I had kids that needed to be at school by 7am.

That meant we had to have scriptures no later than 6:30 every morning.

I always set my alarm for 5:20am with the idea that I could read news and scriptures before getting everyone else up and ready.

It worked ok.


A couple of months ago, I decided to read and write down all of President Nelson's  invitations.

The idea was to pick one and work on it for a few months.

After re-reading all of his talks, I realized that more than anything I wanted to work harder on receiving personal revelation - really hearing God speak to me.

So, after getting kids off to school and exercising with friends, I made a stronger effort to take time to pray and listen to God.

I would get completely ready to go to work and then I would stop.

I'd shut my door and just pray.

I decided to carve out 30 min of my morning doing this.

Even though I didn't think I could really pray for that long, I did not want to feel rushed.


It became my most treasured time each day.

A time to slow down and express all of my feelings to my Father in Heaven.

And a time to feel His love for me and any direction I needed.


Fast forward now to kids being home ALL the time.

They don't need to be out the door early.

But, I've kept the habit of getting up early in the morning.

I still do my scripture reading and exercising and getting ready.

The kids know that we start doing breakfast at 8:00.

But, until then, I will be in my room for my alone time.

So, don't knock on my door!


It is still the best part of my day.

That time is exactly what I need to be able to face each day.

My patience has increased.

As well as my gratitude.

And when I follow any promptings that I receive, my day goes great.


When my kids were really little, and getting ready for church was a monumental effort, I learned that if I didn't get myself ready first, then it might not happen in time.

I still have that testimony.

If I don't take the time for the "needful" things as my very first priority, it's less likely to happen.


I know God wants to speak to me.

He loves me.

And I know He loves you.

Make time to Hear Him!

Every Night is Friday Night

COVID-19

It's what everyone is talking about and thinking about lately.

Our kids have been out of school this whole week and will be for the next 2 weeks.

It's been nice to not have to get up so early and get people out the door.

My husband commented the other night, that every night feels like Friday night.


Church has been suspended.

Well, going to the church building with others was suspended.

We are still doing church in our homes as a family.

And we have been given permission to administer and partake of the sacrament in our home.


Since every day feels like a Friday, I have really been looking forward to Sunday.

It will definitely feel like a different day than the rest of the week.

So today, Saturday, I made sure to prepare for honoring this special day.

I want my home to be able to feel and keep the Spirit from our worship.

In the Old Testament, the Lord spake unto Moses saying:

"Speak thou also unto the children of Israel, saying, Verily my sabbaths ye shall keep: for it is a sign between me and you throughout your generations; that ye may know that I am the Lord that doth sanctify you." Exodus 31:13

The Sabbath is the Lord's sign to me.

I look forward to being sanctified and listening to the Lord.

Broken Pieces

Here is my scripture thought this week from studying. 

This part in Acts kept reminding me of a talk I thought I had heard somewhere, but I couldn't find a reference anywhere. So, I made up my own.

Acts 27:43-44

43 But the centurion, willing to save Paul, kept them from their purpose; and commanded that they which could swim should cast themselves first into the sea, and get to land:
44 And the rest, some on boards, and some on broken pieces of the ship. And so it came to pass, that they escaped all asafe to land.

The Lord had promised that they all would live.

Some were strong enough to swim to shore.

But some had to use boards or broken pieces to make it.


I imagine using a board to get to land would not be as fast as swimming.

And I'm sure I would not feel in control of the situation.



There are sometimes, in life, when I feel strong enough to accomplish what is needed.

I can "swim and get to land".

But there are lots of other times when I feel that the only way I can make it is by clinging to broken pieces or boards; barely surviving.

I just have to hold on and hope I make it.


Either way, the Lord will fulfill His promises.

He will help me get "asafe to land".

I know He will.


Another thought:

Even if I'm a "broken piece", I can still help others around me.

This accomplishes the Lord's promises, too.

Answers are Blessings

There are a lot of things I can do in the gospel that build my faith.

Steps that make sense and are kind of easy to fulfill.

Reading scriptures, saying prayers, going to church, etc.  

They get me where I need to be.

And then come the times when it feels like I can't move forward anymore.

I get stuck and don't know what's next or what more I can do.

That's when I have to make my prayers more sincere.

I need to really ASK the Lord and SEEK His help.

I have to admit to the Lord that I don't have all the answers.

His answers may come as instructions on what I need to do better.

Or something I need to change.

Maybe a different direction I need to take.

What I need to remember is that His answer will always be a blessing.

Even if it's hard to do.

Especially, if it's hard to do.

Be Fruitful

In the Old Testament, there are several times when the Lord tells someone,

 "...be fruitful and multiply..."

I have always just equated this phrase to having a family. 

But, in the New Testament it says,

"...the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
Meekness, temperance."

Now, being fruitful to me means to seek for these things of the Spirit and spread them throughout the world.