Choice Experience

Next week I start a new job.

It's been a journey to get here.

I wasn't planning on applying for the job.

My work was finally starting to feel really good.

One day, as I was driving with my husband, I said, "By the way, I'm going to apply for that job."

I hadn't planned on saying that.

But, as soon as I did, I knew that it was right.

So I applied for the job, but didn't care if I got it.

During one of my prayers I felt as if God was asking me if I wanted the job.

My response was, as always, "I want whatever you want for me."

Except, that's not what He asked.

He wanted to know what I wanted.

It was my choice.

That was harder.

It made me think about it more and make decisions.

I realized that I did want the job because of the growth and learning that would come from it.

And I knew that God would take care of any fears or doubt that I had about starting over.

Even after making that decision, I still felt it would be fine either way.

Because I went through that "living discussion" with the Lord, I was able to have the peace I needed when I was offered the job.

It is good to want to do the Lord's will.

But, the whole point of the plan of salvation is to make choices to become more like Him.

And to have experiences to teach us and help us grow.

God helped me learn that by asking me to choose.

I will always choose God.

And I know that He will never leave me alone.

small and simple pt2

In a class that I'm taking, we have an "accountability" project.

We chose personal daily goals and came up with punishments incentives if we miss a day.

I'm a goal setter.

I love pushing myself!

And I'm used to setting big and little goals for myself.

But, for this project we were to have no more than 3-4 daily goals.

It was hard for me to narrow it down.

These are the goals I picked: 

• 10 minutes of prayer/pondering
• No computer games
• Eat one serving of vegetables a day.
• Meet my step goal (up to 10,000)

I track these on a spreadsheet that is shared with a few members of my class.

If you know me, you know that I'm competitive.

I like to win.

Putting a check mark in each box definitely feels like a win.

But, it also felt too simple.

These were easy goals to reach.

Easy to reach, one day at a time.

And then I noticed something.

I would start thinking about all the other things I needed to be doing.

In the past, I would always end up adding a few more "goals" to my list.

And then start getting overwhelmed.

This time I chose to stick with these four simple goals.

I allowed myself some grace to not. do. everything.

I wish that I could explain the difference it has made in my life.

And not just because now I want to eat vegetables.

And not because I am winning.

My choice to focus on small and simple, allows my mind to be more free.

More free to hear God's will instead of mine.

Small and simple for the win.

Be Myself

More than a decade ago, our family spent the summer being "homeless".

(that's a post for a different time)

During that time, I wrote a post about my drug of choice.

Being organized and structured was how I stayed sane.

At the time I had 7 kids all at home and it was chaotic.

Now that most of my kids are adults, the chaos is different.

And I recently spent a few years trying to get away from my "structured" personality.

For some reason, I felt that I needed to be a more "go with the flow" type of person.

I didn't like my black and white thinking.

Was there really a need to have all of that structure?

This quote from Sis. Patricia Holland really resonated with me.

"For many years I tried to measure the ofttimes quiet, reflective, thoughtful Pat Holland against the robust, bubbly, talkative, and energetic Jeff Holland and others with like qualities. I have learned through several fatiguing failures that you can’t have joy in being bubbly if you are not a bubbly person. It is a contradiction in terms. I have given up seeing myself as a flawed person because my energy level is lower than Jeff’s, and I don’t talk as much as he does, nor as fast. Giving this up has freed me to embrace and rejoice in my own manner and personality in the measure of my creation. Ironically, that has allowed me to admire and enjoy Jeff’s ebullience even more. 

Somewhere, somehow the Lord “blipped the message onto my screen” that my personality was created to fit precisely the mission and talents he gave me. For example, the quieter, calmer talent of playing the piano reveals much about the real Pat Holland. I would never have learned to play the piano if I hadn’t enjoyed the long hours of solitude required for its development. This same principle applies to my love of writing, reading, meditation, and especially teaching and talking with my children. Miraculously, I have found that I have untold abundant sources of energy to be myself. But the moment I indulge in imitation of my neighbor, I feel fractured and fatigued and find myself forever swimming upstream. When we frustrate God’s plan for us, we deprive this world and God’s kingdom of our unique contributions, and a serious schism settles in our soul. God never gave us any task beyond our ability to accomplish it. We just have to be willing to do it our own way. We will always have enough resources for being who we are and what we can become." (LDS Women’s Treasury: Insights and Inspiration for Today’s Woman, p.98)

I do believe it was good for me to step back and figure out why I do things the way I do.

And to make sure that my way wasn't getting in the way of the Lord's way.

But, I also realized that I don't have to be like anyone else.

God will use my strengths to accomplish His work and glory.

COVID-19 Schedule

I thought that I would post the schedule that is currently working for my family.

The ages of my kids are 18, 16, 12, 10.

I have always been a schedule person (see here).

5:30am-8:00am - Mom time (this is when I exercise, read scriptures, pray, get ready, etc)
8:00am - Breakfast
8:30am - Family scriptures
9:00am-11:00am - School work
          -Snack break-
More school
12:00pm - Exercise time
12:30pm - Lunch
1:00pm-2:30pm - Quiet Time
2:30pm - Zone cleaning
          -Snack break-
3:00pm-6:00pm - Project time/other school/free time
6:00pm - Dinner
They take turns picking a movie or show to watch every night after the kitchen/dinner is all cleaned up. As long as they got all of the necessary school work done.
9:00pm - Bedtime

It's working pretty good for us so far.

I'll post more about each block another time.

I'm trying to post a little bit more to record memories of this time.

Stuck in the Snow

We have a lot of snow here! I love it.

But, sometimes, it's not awesome.

This morning, I saw someone stuck in the snow.

I parked my car and got out to help the other woman who was already there.

We pushed.

And we rocked the car.

And we pushed some more.

That car did not want to get unstuck.

Then someone else stopped to help and they pushed with us.

It kept seeming like it was going to get out.

It kept being stuck.

I kicked more snow under the front tires to give it traction.

We tried it in drive. We tried it in neutral.

A couple of more people stopped to help.

Someone even brought some ice melt to put under the wheels to give it some traction.

Pushing it forward actually started getting it stuck more!

Finally, I suggested that she try to drive backward more before we pushed again.

Why would she want to go backward?! 

There was a lot of snow behind the car and she had just made it through all of that!


It worked!

She got the traction she needed, she found a new way forward, and upward and onward she went.


There are times in my life when I have felt stuck.

And I have done so much pushing to try and get myself out.

Sometimes that's worked because there have been others there with a little extra push to help me go forward.

But, many times, what I really needed to do to was to go back.

Whether that was going back to things that I didn't want to revisit and repenting.

Or just stepping back far enough to see a different way forward.

Sometimes, the only way to get unstuck, is by going backwards for a bit.

Generation Gap

"Another face of pride is contention. Arguments, fights, unrighteous dominion, generation gaps, divorces, spouse abuse, riots, and disturbances all fall into this category of pride."

I've been thinking about this quote from Ezra Taft Benson's talk on Pride.

What is contention in the form of generation gaps?

When I first heard this, the thought came to my mind of older people looking down "on the young kids today!"

And then I thought about the "younger kids" looking at older people thinking that they don't have a clue what's going on anymore.

I guess I'm right in the middle these days because to be honest, I've entertained both of these thoughts.

I live in an area where I'm surrounded by young and old and everywhere in between. 

And sometimes it feels like I don't have very many close friends.

Or at least it doesn't seem like I have any friends that are the same age as me or going through the same stage of life.

(And by friends, I'm talking about people I have actual contact with throughout my day, not just through social media.)

So, I tried to think about who I would consider my friends right now.

They are mostly either the same age as my parents or young moms who are probably closer to my kids age than to mine.

(I'm sure this has a lot to do with the teenage-parenting stage and the time constraints we all have in this situation.)

These friends teach me a lot.

And when I'm with them I don't think about our age differences.

It is just pure friendship. 

I love my generation gap friends!

Power vs. Control

I think I write a lot about how my life feels out of control.

And I'm always looking for the next "gimmick" that will help me get control of things.

It could be new chore charts for the kids, a new diet, a new cleaning schedule, etc.

It's my way of trying to insert some control into my life.

These gimmicks usually don't last a long time.

The desire for control can cause frustration because there are actually very few things that I have control over.

I can't control the weather, the bad stuff in the world, or even the choices my children make.

This can then lead me to look for an escape that gives me a kind of counterfeit control.

Computer games, watching movies all day, social media.

I can control what I watch or I can control my time as I choose.


But, what I really need is not control - it is power.

 
The purpose of life is not to control all things.

It is to learn to be obedient.

"And we will prove them herewith, to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them."  Abraham 3:25

When I am obedient, God blesses and prospers me.  Mosiah 2:22

He gives me power to accomplish what He wants me to do. 1 Nephi 3:7

Power comes when I choose the right.

 It is a gift from God.

 "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." 2 Tim. 1:5

He wants to give me power.

His power.

And through that power I can accomplish amazing things.

The Good Part

My life is crazy.

It has been for a long time.

Recently, it got more crazy when I started working outside of my home.

I am a focused person and I do great when I have one thing that I can focus on completely.

For the last 18 years or so, my main focus has been on my family.

But, throw a new job in there and all of a sudden I have to focus on that, too.

So, I did what I always do when I'm feeling overwhelmed.

I made a list.

I listed all of the things that I need, or want, or have to do.

Things like: make dinner, family prayer, visit neighbors, read scriptures, church calling, work, volunteer, read books, clean the house, work in the yard, etc.

I filled an entire page with tasks.

Then, I numbered them according to importance in my life.

I came up with about 7 different levels of priorities.

It has been life changing in helping me focus on what is important.

I found that my natural instinct, when I'm overwhelmed, is to start focusing on things that are lower on my priority list - like decorating my house, or landscaping my yard.

And that even though my job is a high time commitment, it's not in my top levels of priorities.

Then there are those times when I'm having a good day and feel like I have a handle on things. I can go to my list to know what I need to focus on next.


My number one priority category has only  3 tasks in it:

Listen to the Spirit
Read/Study my scriptures
Personal prayers

That's it.

When I start to feel overwhelmed with all that I need to be doing, I stop and focus on that top priority. 

Have I prayed today? Have I studied my scriptures? Am I trying to feel the Spirit?

If I can answer yes to those three questions, then I'm good.

This scripture (Luke 10:42) has always stood out to me:

 41 And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things:

 42 But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.

Those three things are the good part that I choose. 

Teaching Sunday School

Teaching Sunday School has been one of my favorite callings in church.

Here is the approach that I take:

I start by reading over the lesson entirely and somewhat quickly.

Then I read the scriptures covered in the lesson throughout the week.

Saturday night is when I usually sit down and make an outline of the lesson and scriptures I want to share.

I pray a lot that the Lord will guide me in what I need to focus on.

In my prayers, I share with the Lord all that I have learned during my study that week and ask Him to help me be able to know what is needed for the class members.

And I pray for those who I will be teaching; that the Spirit will recognize their needs and use me to help them.


A few months ago I got a new calling in church.

And I've really missed the whole process that went with teaching.


Then I had an idea.


What if I lived my life the way I taught Sunday School?


I can study my scriptures each week with a focus in mind.

I can ask the Lord to use me to help those around me.

I can spend at least one day a week in earnest prayer pleading for those that I might be able to influence and hoping they feel the Lord's love for them through my words.

I don't have a regular class at church anymore, but I have a family that I am with even more.

They could use the same help and teachings from the Lord.

And I can have the feelings that I had while teaching Sunday School: knowing that I am being an instrument in the Lord's hands.

In case anyone was wondering...

Working out to "30 Day Shred" only a few months after having a baby is completely different than working out to the same video 4 years after said baby.  Even though my workouts have been few and far between - it wasn't as hard as I remember.

I feel like I'm starting to come out of some kind of haze that I didn't really know I was in.  In some ways I feel like I had PTSD from all of the moving (3 times in 7 months).  But, now that I'm feeling settled I'm starting to regroup a bit.  And, I am no longer saving boxes.

I feel like writing more (see above).  Again.  I don't think I'll do the write every day like before, but I'm going to try and write more often.

I'm feeling the need to learn something new.  I think I might take voice lessons.

My family is growing up.  And I have to remind myself that I am at the peak of everything right now.  Peak laundry, peak eating (actually I think we've got room to grow here), peak grocery shopping, peak noise, etc.  My oldest will leave for college in less than 6 months.  I have a feeling that once she goes, time will speed up exponentially.

I'm currently on the "no treats" diet again.  Except this time, I'm allowing myself to eat treats on the holidays.  I want to enjoy all the pies I'm making for Thanksgiving. (Christmas lasts the entire month of December, right?)

Sometime, I'm going to post the list of all the crazy things that are said in my house.  Here's an example:  "Don't cut your ham with your elbow!"  We have a lot of those.

Also, I'm not posting this link to Facebook like I sometimes do.  I think that's the only time people read my blog and I don't feel like sharing so much this time.

Choice

Life has been crazy and chaotic.

Which equals to me being crazy and chaotic.

I finally realized the other day, that I have a choice.

I can choose to let what is going on in my life define me.

Or I can choose peace.



Just because life is full of stressors doesn't mean that I have to be stressed.  

I can choose.

In fact, for an entire day I kept repeating to myself:  It's a choice.

I can choose how to react to this stress.



Life will never be nice and easy; there will always be something to stress about.

But, I can recognize the stress and still seek for the peace that I really want.

It's a choice.  

Every day.

Every minute.


I choose peace.

"extra"ordinary People

This thing that I recently discovered about being ordinary has been life changing for me.

As long as I focus on just being an ordinary, faithful person, I feel better about myself and the simple things that I am able to accomplish each day.

But, it hasn't just helped me in how I feel about myself; but also in the way that I feel about others.


Unfortunately, I am sometimes guilty of judging others. 

I've justified it a little by thinking that at least I had gotten past the, "they're not so special!" stage of judging and moved on to, "well, we all have our different strengths!"

Guess what, it's still a type of judging.  

It still made me feel competitive and like I wasn't doing quite enough. 


But now I remember that I just have to be ordinary.  

And that everyone else is also just ordinary.  

And I can also see what those ordinary people are able to accomplish.

Instead of that being discouraging to me, I find it inspiring.


We are all the same.

Just ordinary people who are sometimes are able to do extraordinary things. 

Living in the Moment

I have a list of projects that I wanted to get done before we moved again.

I finally finished one.

I re-did my mission scrapbook, getting rid of all of the old magnetic pages and just pasting the pictures on white paper and protective sheets.

It brought back so many memories.

But, it also made me feel very sad.

I am the worst person for keeping in touch with others when I move.

I looked at pictures of people from my mission who I loved so much and meant so much to me. And I have hardly kept in touch with any of them.

How could I be such a loser?

But, then I had one of those defining moments.

I live in the moment.

I don't just survive where ever I go; I thrive.

I meet new people; I get involved; I don't look back.

This has been a great strength to have for all the moves our family has made.

To be able to quickly move on and make the most of wherever I happen to be planted at the time.

Unfortunately, that means that I start to lose touch with those who I have been so close to.

(Social networking has helped me do a bit better staying in contact with everyone I love.)

But I choose to look at this as a strength and continue to live in the moment.

I hope that everyone knows how much I care for them - right now.

In the past.

And forever.

In The Middle

When I run, it's hardest for me the first 10 minutes.
Then it feels like I hit "the zone" and I can just keep going.
Until I see the end.
Then, I always seem to pick up speed.


My pregnancies were kind of the same.
There's a some nausea and excitement at the beginning.
Then it seems like it will just go on forever in the middle.
I love the nesting stage at the end when I finally start getting things done again.


Unfortunately, a similar thing happens in my church callings.
I feel so motivated in the start.
And then it just becomes a "job" where I can get by with doing the bare minimum.
When I finally get back on track and motivated, it usually means I'm going to be getting a new calling soon.


My current life experience, grad school, is a 3 year deal.
The first year is over.
We are in the second, or the middle year.

Last year, everything was new and hard and exciting and tough.
Moving to a new place, making new friends, surviving the dreaded winter, meeting financial obligations.
It was enough to keep me on task.
I made it through.

Only, now there's two years left of this.
Most of the excitement or worry has been dealt with and now it's just the way it is.

And I can't see the finish line yet.

I wish there was some way for me to keep the spark alive through the whole thing and not feel stuck in the middle.

I believe the answer lies in being more grateful.

When I run, that middle part is when I can meditate and work things out.
When I'm pregnant, it's in the middle when I begin to realize what a miracle creation is.
When I serve in the church I learn from watching so many others serve faithfully.


I may not be the one in school, but here are the 3 R's I will be working on this year:


Recognizing answers to prayers.
Remembering blessings that are received.
Relying on the Lord.

The thing about it is, the middle is when all of the growth and strength take place.

Thank You

I've been trying out some new parenting skills I've learned. The book I've been reading is, "The Power of Positive Parenting" by Glen Latham.

The idea is that the behaviors you pay the most attention to are the ones that will increase.

So, if I spend all my time yelling at my kids for something they're doing wrong then they actually will continue to do it more. So instead, I've been looking for the positive things to focus on.

This is so hard for me.

Not because my kids aren't doing good things. It's just that I'm such a coach and I want to help them improve. I want to point out what they're doing wrong so they can get better.

Anyway, I've been trying to be more positive. There's been a lot of:

"Thank you for chewing your food quietly."
"Thank you for putting your plate in the dishwasher without being asked."
"Thank you for not slamming that door when you wanted to."
"Thank you for . . ."

It's driving some of my kids (mostly 'A') crazy. "So are you going to be one of those moms that just says nice things all the time?" That was seriously one of her questions. Of course, now she says, "Remember, you're supposed to be positive!"

Well, this all felt very manipulative to me at first. But then I realized it really is just a better environment I'm trying to create.

Yes, I want my kids to behave, but it's more important that they feel loved and appreciated (by the way, a coach would never say that).

So how has it been going?

Things are better. I don't always stick to the game plan, but I hear the words thank you a lot more. And not just from me; from my kids, too. They seem to get along a bit better as well.

But, the crowning moment came when my husband asked our son ('D') to clean up something. The response?

"Thanks for telling me what to clean up Dad."

Changes

There are times when you make changes occur that are very noticeable. Like when a child is done with diapers. You realize it immediately. It is a good change and you rejoice.

There are times when you are forced to change and it takes a while to adapt to it. Like daylight savings time. It took me a while to get used to it, but there came a day when I actually felt my body adjust.

Then there are changes that are so subtle that you're not even sure when they happened.

Last weekend my two oldest wanted to go see their school play with another friend. We dropped them off and had them call us when they were ready to be picked up.

When did I become a mom of kids old enough to do that? When did I stop being that overprotective mom who has to be a part of their lives at all times?

It is a change that I welcome and yet, did not recognize.

It is a change that is good for all involved.

I sometimes fear the future and all the changes that will come. I hope that all changes are as smooth as this one.

And I hope that I can recognize and rejoice in them as they come.