CTR

I was having a discussion with some other moms about what to do when your child does not want to go to church. Do you force them to go anyway? (When we were all little, there really wasn't an option, you had to go. )

I, personally, hate the thought of forcing anyone to do anything. So, I believe that they should be allowed to choose. Because life is about making choices.

Of course with guidelines.

If the child's choice takes away the choice of another, that makes a difference. (Like if your child is too young to stay home by themselves, "sorry you have to go. You can sit in the lobby the whole time, but you can't take away my choice to go to church.")

And they also need to be taught that they don't get to choose the consequences. (Like if you choose to stay home from church then the consequences will be-no tv, clean the house while we're gone, earlier to bed, etc.)

I decided this is what I would say:

"I'm sorry that you feel like you don't want to go to church. Church is an important part of my life. This is what we do as a family. This is what Heavenly Father wants us to do. There are reasons for this. We get to take the sacrament, we get to feel the spirit, we learn from the lessons, and we get to visit with others with the same beliefs. Choosing not to go to church is the wrong choice to make. There will be consequences. Some, you may not see for a while, but here are some that will be immediate. You will clean your room while we are gone. And you will need to go to bed 1/2 hr early tonight. I really wish that you would come because it really is the right thing to do."

Now, I really don't like telling my child that what they've done is the wrong thing or that they have sinned. It doesn't make me feel good. And I think its something that my whole generation has a problem with - making our children feel bad. Of course we want them to be happy. But how else are they going to learn about the difference between right and wrong?

There is less and less emphasis on right vs. wrong in the world. The world tells us that we shouldn't feel bad for our choices. That everyone is entitled to their own opinion. "It's just a choice; not good or bad."

But not everything is just a choice. There are such things as wrong choices and we have to be willing to teach that, even if it makes someone feel bad.

"BFF"

Have you ever thought how you end up being friends with the people you are friends with? I was thinking about this today and wondering how I ended up with my college friends. I wasn't roommates with any of them in the dorms. And we didn't really have a lot in common. We all liked different kinds of music, and we were all from different states.

So then I started thinking farther back to my high school friends. My best friend in HS was not into sports at all like I was. And we didn't even have a lot of classes together. So what was it?

I think most of my friendships are complementary types of relationships. And maybe that's just my personality to surround myself with people who have the attributes that I wish I had, but don't.

So then I started thinking about my best friend now. For some reason I always thought I'd marry a football player, or at least someone totally into sports like me. But as I look back on the boys I dated, none of them played any type of sport. (hindsight's 20/20 right?) So what was it? He was so totally different from me. A fact which I pointed out to him quite regularly.

But then one night he told me a story. His little 9 year old sister had gotten a "pink slip" at school because she and her friend had made up a song about their "flat-bottomed" teacher. He couldn't even get through the whole story because he was laughing so hard. And that is what made me decide to marry him. If he could make me laugh like this and even better, if we could laugh together, that was it!

I realize now that humor has always played a role in my friendships. But humor is so limiting of a description. I think its more of a "joy in the moment" kind of thing.

So, I guess if you can make me laugh - you're in.

Endurance

So, my oldest daughter has decided to try out for the junior high track team. I totally support this because she's never really joined anything. But, I was a little surprised. She hated soccer tryouts mostly because of the running. So I prepared her for what was going to happen. This is what I said:

"This is going to be hard. You are just going to be running. And you are going to feel like you want to die. You are going to want to stop running. You are going to want to quit. You may not even be able to run one lap without stopping. And then your muscles are going to be really sore. But it will get better. Maybe not the next day. In fact, the next day will probably be even worse. You will be sore and want to quit again. But by the following week you will notice that you are able to run a little bit farther than before. Also, you are not allowed to compare yourselves to others while you run. I don't care if you are the slowest or the last one in. I only want you to focus on how much you have improved over time. You are basically only racing against yourself."

Well, listening to myself I realized it was exactly what I needed to hear. Life seems kind of hard right now. And I've been complaining about it. And this little pep talk is exactly what I needed for myself. I may feel like quitting, but it will get better. Eventually it will feel easier. And I'm not competing against anyone, I'm just trying to improve myself.

Well, she's still running. And she's starting to notice that she can go a little bit farther than before. She's still getting discouraged over little things, but she's not giving up.

And neither will I.

All Alone

So I've been thinking a lot lately about days of yore. When I had a lot of really little babies running around my house.

I always felt that there was no one else in exactly the same situation that I was in.

And I also felt that I would never be done with the picking up toys, wiping noses (and other places), kissing bumps, and the regular chaos that comes from children.

I hated running errands because I hated buckling 2 or 3 carseats, over and over again. And I was so exhausted when I came home from the "don't touch!" "come back!" "stop hitting!" "stop whining!" (actually this part never really ends).

We never went out on dates. We just put the kids to bed early and hung out.

We never really slept either, because there was always somebody up at night or crawling into bed with us.

I think the only way I made it through those times was my once a week play group (that I always started wherever I moved to) and my friends.

It was just so nice to visit with other moms and find out that I wasn't really alone in dealing with all these things; or even if I was, I could have other people laugh with me about it.

Everyone used to say to me that it goes by so fast and I'll regret it when its gone. When I was in the middle of it, I didn't want to hear about how I'd miss it someday. Yeah right. It never felt very fast to me.

Now all of a sudden I'm a somewhat older mom who seems to have it together. And now that its almost gone, I still don't really miss it.

I can run errands alone.

I have almost two built-in babysitters.

I mostly sleep at night (except when I can't fall asleep because I'm worrying).

Cleaning doesn't take as long as it used to because I have help, most can wipe stuff alone, and although the chaos is louder, its funnier, too.

There are still things to worry about; they're just not as physical. There's a lot more mental work going on. Its not easier or harder than it used to be; just different and bigger.

And guess what, I still go to play group and listen to how other people deal with these issues or at least laugh with the other moms about all of it.

But I feel for all the moms out there who are where I used to be. All I can say is that you are not alone!

Chaos Managed

So I just felt the need today to organize something; to get some part of my life in order.
I have been sick for the last two weeks and things are almost falling apart. (luckily I'm married to a lifesaver!)

So as I looked around at the stacks of dishes, piles of laundry, unvacuumed floor, scattered toys, miles of papers, etc. I decided to . . .

. . . plan and organize my garden.

I picked out what I'm going to grow and where I will plant it. I even drew a picture of what it would look like.
It just made me feel so much better.

When my lifesaver (see above) asked why the need to do that, I realized I just needed to be able to have some of my chaos managed without really putting any effort into it.

And you know what, it worked.

Later I did attack the dishes and laundry.
I even made bread.

So for me, I guess, just writing stuff down and feeling organized in one area helps me get started on the rest of the stuff.

At least I can hope so!