1 Cluff 14:1-17

1. And it came to pass that the word of the Lord came unto the father of the home saying: Follow me and I will lead you to a great promised land.
2. And the father answered: Yes, we will go.
3. Then the word of the Lord came saying that the way to the promised land would pass through the valley of learning, and the father said: Yes, I will go to the promised land; but is there another way to go that does not lead through this terrible valley? (for the father had struggled in this valley before)
4. So the father took his family and began to make preparations for the journey, as there were many papers to be filled out and interviews to be had as the family sought their own way to the promised land.
5. Then the word of the Lord came again unto the father of the home saying: Follow me and I will lead you to a promised land through the valley of learning.
6. And the father answered: Yes, we will go even if we have to go through that treacherous valley.
7. So the father took his family and left their home and their comforts and began the journey towards the valley, not knowing beforehand what they should do.
8. And they were led to a not so fertile, but comfortable, land on the edge of the valley and they set up camp. And they awaited for the way through the valley to be shown.
9. And while they were camped, they met many people who sheltered them and fed them and comforted them.
10. And after many days, the word of the Lord came again saying: Here is the way through the valley. But it is not time to go yet.
11. So the family once again began preparations for the journey. And while they were preparing they discovered a different way through the valley that seemed to them to shine greater and be more acceptable to them. So they planned their journey in this better way.
12. And as they planned, they became lost and could not see their way. And they floundered in the wilderness for many days until the way was blocked before them.
13. And it came to pass that they went back and began again in the way the Lord had shown them. And though the way seemed more difficult at least there was light.
14. And now it came to pass that the word of the Lord came again saying: Thou shalt construct a vehicle to help you across this valley.
15. And the father answered: Yes, we will build it; if thou wilt show unto us how to construct it as we have no idea what we are doing.
16. And it came to pass that at this time the family is constructing a way to be able to pass through the valley of learning to the promised land. And they know that the way will take about three years. And there are many questions as to how they will live upon this vehicle and how it will run. But they will put their trust in the Lord.
17. And they know that they will be led by the Lord not knowing beforehand what will come. And they have hope in the Lord for what is ahead. And they have faith that the Lord will show them all ways through the difficulties, for there shall be many. And even if they do not actually make it to the promised land, they will be joyful in knowing that the Lord is leading them.

And while I'm on the subject . . .

. . . of not wanting to make our kids feel bad, can I just say something about winners?

Why is it that we have to make every kid feel good, even when they lose?

Now I'm not saying that I want kids to suffer or feel bad, but I feel like we are short-changing the kids who really try hard at stuff. And we're not teaching our kids how to lose.

Two Examples: Pinewood Derby. Movie Day.

First, in our Cub Scout Pack, they just give out stickers to everyone who races in the Pinewood Derby. No prizes or anything for the fastest car. And then they make up awards for everyone. Stuff like: most colorful, best use of color, etc. They want everyone to be happy. Yea! big warm fuzzies for everyone.

Second, we recently had a Movie Day at our school. They encouraged the kids to bring cars made out of boxes. They talked about how some dads really got into the whole designing thing and what support it shows to the school. And then they said there would be prizes for the best cars. Well, once they saw all of the cars they decided that there were too many good ones to choose between and everyone got a little sticker. Rah Rah!

Think of how the world works. In the real world, you usually get paid money for high quality work. And if you don't produce the way you're supposed to, you lose your job. But that's not what we're teaching our kids.

What are we teaching our kids? "You don't really have to try that hard at stuff because everyone's going to get a prize." Or, "Why bother working at something when there's really no reward."

Well, what about internal motivators? They should just feel "special inside" for a job well done and not worry about the results. Tell your boss that next time he's not happy with your performance.

And you can't tell me the kid whose pinewood derby car barely makes it down the track is going to made happy with stickers or a made up certificate. So why not give the ones who deserve it something anyway.

Now I know there are some arguments about those kids who don't really do much anyway, "its their parents doing all the work". But then you are presented with another teaching opportunity for your own kid. And too bad if that other kid grows up thinking that someone else is responsible for their success.

I think its a cop out on the part of the judges, too. They're too scared to make decisions. "I'm afraid I'll hurt someone's feelings." But they are only thinking about the losers and not the kids who actually deserve recognition. Do they ever think that their feelings may be hurt, too.

I say let's have real contests again with winners and losers!!

CTR

I was having a discussion with some other moms about what to do when your child does not want to go to church. Do you force them to go anyway? (When we were all little, there really wasn't an option, you had to go. )

I, personally, hate the thought of forcing anyone to do anything. So, I believe that they should be allowed to choose. Because life is about making choices.

Of course with guidelines.

If the child's choice takes away the choice of another, that makes a difference. (Like if your child is too young to stay home by themselves, "sorry you have to go. You can sit in the lobby the whole time, but you can't take away my choice to go to church.")

And they also need to be taught that they don't get to choose the consequences. (Like if you choose to stay home from church then the consequences will be-no tv, clean the house while we're gone, earlier to bed, etc.)

I decided this is what I would say:

"I'm sorry that you feel like you don't want to go to church. Church is an important part of my life. This is what we do as a family. This is what Heavenly Father wants us to do. There are reasons for this. We get to take the sacrament, we get to feel the spirit, we learn from the lessons, and we get to visit with others with the same beliefs. Choosing not to go to church is the wrong choice to make. There will be consequences. Some, you may not see for a while, but here are some that will be immediate. You will clean your room while we are gone. And you will need to go to bed 1/2 hr early tonight. I really wish that you would come because it really is the right thing to do."

Now, I really don't like telling my child that what they've done is the wrong thing or that they have sinned. It doesn't make me feel good. And I think its something that my whole generation has a problem with - making our children feel bad. Of course we want them to be happy. But how else are they going to learn about the difference between right and wrong?

There is less and less emphasis on right vs. wrong in the world. The world tells us that we shouldn't feel bad for our choices. That everyone is entitled to their own opinion. "It's just a choice; not good or bad."

But not everything is just a choice. There are such things as wrong choices and we have to be willing to teach that, even if it makes someone feel bad.

"BFF"

Have you ever thought how you end up being friends with the people you are friends with? I was thinking about this today and wondering how I ended up with my college friends. I wasn't roommates with any of them in the dorms. And we didn't really have a lot in common. We all liked different kinds of music, and we were all from different states.

So then I started thinking farther back to my high school friends. My best friend in HS was not into sports at all like I was. And we didn't even have a lot of classes together. So what was it?

I think most of my friendships are complementary types of relationships. And maybe that's just my personality to surround myself with people who have the attributes that I wish I had, but don't.

So then I started thinking about my best friend now. For some reason I always thought I'd marry a football player, or at least someone totally into sports like me. But as I look back on the boys I dated, none of them played any type of sport. (hindsight's 20/20 right?) So what was it? He was so totally different from me. A fact which I pointed out to him quite regularly.

But then one night he told me a story. His little 9 year old sister had gotten a "pink slip" at school because she and her friend had made up a song about their "flat-bottomed" teacher. He couldn't even get through the whole story because he was laughing so hard. And that is what made me decide to marry him. If he could make me laugh like this and even better, if we could laugh together, that was it!

I realize now that humor has always played a role in my friendships. But humor is so limiting of a description. I think its more of a "joy in the moment" kind of thing.

So, I guess if you can make me laugh - you're in.

Endurance

So, my oldest daughter has decided to try out for the junior high track team. I totally support this because she's never really joined anything. But, I was a little surprised. She hated soccer tryouts mostly because of the running. So I prepared her for what was going to happen. This is what I said:

"This is going to be hard. You are just going to be running. And you are going to feel like you want to die. You are going to want to stop running. You are going to want to quit. You may not even be able to run one lap without stopping. And then your muscles are going to be really sore. But it will get better. Maybe not the next day. In fact, the next day will probably be even worse. You will be sore and want to quit again. But by the following week you will notice that you are able to run a little bit farther than before. Also, you are not allowed to compare yourselves to others while you run. I don't care if you are the slowest or the last one in. I only want you to focus on how much you have improved over time. You are basically only racing against yourself."

Well, listening to myself I realized it was exactly what I needed to hear. Life seems kind of hard right now. And I've been complaining about it. And this little pep talk is exactly what I needed for myself. I may feel like quitting, but it will get better. Eventually it will feel easier. And I'm not competing against anyone, I'm just trying to improve myself.

Well, she's still running. And she's starting to notice that she can go a little bit farther than before. She's still getting discouraged over little things, but she's not giving up.

And neither will I.