Defining Myself

Whenever I move or start new somewhere, I tend to ask myself :

"Who do I want to be now?" 

 or 

"How do I want others to see me?"

My husband has always told me that I shouldn't try to be anything.  

Just myself.  

But I like the idea of inventing a new self.  

The problem comes when something happens that makes me have to change my definition of who I think I am.  

My life seems to spiral out of control until I come up with the new definition.  

"Now, who do I want to be?"

Example:  I have been defining myself as a "home-school" mom.  

But, this year I am going to be sending most of my kids to public school.  

 That means I will now be a "public school" mom. 

(what does that mean anyway - and why have I allowed myself to make that sound like a bad thing?!!)

See the problem with having narrow definitions of myself?

Luckily I have this blog (that I write mostly for myself) to remind me of what I have learned before and apparently need to learn again.   

 (click these pinkish links - they're good!)

I'm not a home-school mom or a public school mom.

I'm just a mom.

Or even broader than that.

I'm a daughter of God. 

And God just expects me to love, serve and have joy.

Choice

Life has been crazy and chaotic.

Which equals to me being crazy and chaotic.

I finally realized the other day, that I have a choice.

I can choose to let what is going on in my life define me.

Or I can choose peace.



Just because life is full of stressors doesn't mean that I have to be stressed.  

I can choose.

In fact, for an entire day I kept repeating to myself:  It's a choice.

I can choose how to react to this stress.



Life will never be nice and easy; there will always be something to stress about.

But, I can recognize the stress and still seek for the peace that I really want.

It's a choice.  

Every day.

Every minute.


I choose peace.

Running Hills (part 3)

It seems like I've been running hills for a long time now. 

All the places I have lived for the past three years have been surrounded by hills. 

And any kind of running, meant going up a hill.


I realized as I was running a hill yesterday that the home we are in the process of buying is surrounded by farms; flat land.

There won't be any hills that I have to run up.

And I thought, "What am I going to do to feel like I'm pushing myself if there aren't any hills?"


I'm going to have to seek out other ways to improve myself. 

Maybe it will mean going faster. 

Maybe going longer distances. 

Maybe I'll have to look for hills to run, instead of them just being there.


I think there will always be times in my life when there are hills that I can't avoid. 

Challenges that I must face even if I don't want to.

And then there will be times when everything is just flat. 

 
It's those times that I need to find other ways to push myself harder.

Maybe that means giving more service. 

Studying my scriptures harder. 

Praying more fervently.

Or looking for hills.

 
The important thing for me is to not lose any of the ground that I have gained while running "my hills." 

I want to use what I have already gained to push me farther.

I want to keep running.
 

"extra"ordinary People

This thing that I recently discovered about being ordinary has been life changing for me.

As long as I focus on just being an ordinary, faithful person, I feel better about myself and the simple things that I am able to accomplish each day.

But, it hasn't just helped me in how I feel about myself; but also in the way that I feel about others.


Unfortunately, I am sometimes guilty of judging others. 

I've justified it a little by thinking that at least I had gotten past the, "they're not so special!" stage of judging and moved on to, "well, we all have our different strengths!"

Guess what, it's still a type of judging.  

It still made me feel competitive and like I wasn't doing quite enough. 


But now I remember that I just have to be ordinary.  

And that everyone else is also just ordinary.  

And I can also see what those ordinary people are able to accomplish.

Instead of that being discouraging to me, I find it inspiring.


We are all the same.

Just ordinary people who are sometimes are able to do extraordinary things. 

Lessons Learned

I feel like I am in a familiar situation.

A waiting one.

Except this time instead of waiting on a job,  I am waiting on finding a place to live.


My first thought was, "I guess I haven't learned what I was supposed to last time!"

But then I realized I wanted to look at it in a more positive way. 

So instead I asked, "What did I already learn from the last time this happened?"


I learned that it all works out eventually.

I learned that God is very aware of me and my concerns.

I learned that "calmness" is the way the Spirit speaks to me.

I learned that no matter how much I want things a certain way, I know that the Lord knows what is really best.  


Recognizing what I have learned from the past is helping me get through this time.

I think that's why the scriptures talk so much about remembering.  

The Lord wants me to remember the lessons I have already learned.


It's not about being stuck in the same situation over and over again. 

It's about using the lessons I have already learned and adding to them each time.