Conundrum

Here's something I'm not spending a lot of time thinking about, but it's kind of wierd.

My son came home from school yesterday and asked if I had dated a boy named Matt before. When I said yes, he said, "my friend Paul and I could have been cousins!" His uncle is the Matt I dated.

Now I am a firm believer in children ending up with the families they belong, no matter how they get there.

The question?

Where would my children be if I had married someone different?

His family or mine?

Like I said, it hurts my brain to think about this too much. I'll just love these children to bits while I can.

Lightbulb

Duh! I just figured out why I can't get anything done.

Baby #2 takes his nap around 9:30am; just in time for me to get ready for the day. He sleeps until it's time to take the kindergartner to school.

Baby #1 takes her nap when we come home. She sleeps until the rest of the kids come home from school; while Baby #2 has awake time.

Does anyone else see the problem here?

So, now that I understand this - what is to be done?

Any suggestions?

Personal Pep Talk

(I'm having a hard time deciding how to write this blog. It's going to sound whiny and its going to be personal, but here I go anyway.)

I'm struggling.

That's probably not a huge surprise to some.

It was to me, because I like to think that I have it all together. Even when things are kind of hard I still try and stay positive. Maybe it's an image I'm just trying to keep up.

I have awesome friends who came to visit me this week (2 hour drive visit!). I think they knew I needed it. I have friends who called just to check on me this week. I think they knew, too. Now I think that I'm finally ready to admit it to myself.

I'm struggling.

Just saying it out loud makes a difference. Does anyone else have a hard time admitting that maybe life really is hard and you can't do it on your own?

Did you know that the word struggle is in the scriptures?

"O ye, my people, lift up your heads and be comforted; for behold, the time is at hand, or is not far distant, when we shall no longer be in subjection to our enemies, notwithstanding our many strugglings, which have been in vain; yet I trust there remaineth an effectual struggle to be made." (Mosiah 7:18)

Apparently, many of my strugglings are in vain. So what is this effectual struggle that he talks about?

"But if ye will turn to the Lord with full purpose of heart, and put your trust in him, and serve him with all diligence of mind, if ye do this, he will, according to his own will and pleasure, deliver you out of bondage." (vs. 33)

That is a struggle, to trust. To turn it all over. Not a giving up but giving over. It's letting go of the control that I think I have to have. I will never be able to do it on my own. I will never be able to do it by myself. I need help. The only way I'm going to make it through is by relying on the Lord.

Unfortunately, this does not make the hard things go away. But just remembering that I don't have to do it by myself, remembering that I have someone else to rely on; it makes the struggle an effectual one.

Raising Boys

So I started out my motherhood with 2 girls. They couldn't be more opposite.

Then I got 2 boys. Again, couldn't be more different.

And now while my girls are hitting that fun hormonal stage and emotions are all over the place, my boys are coming into their own.

Perfect timing.

Just this weekend:

• They snuck out of the house and were gone for at least the 30 minutes I spent looking for them (who knows how long before that).

• I had to take one to the ER for a cut on his finger that I didn't even find out about until his church teacher came to tell me he was dripping blood all over. (He had woken up early, decided to carve a chestnut, and hid the fact that he had a huge gash on his finger because he thought we would be mad).

I guess I'm just not paying attention like I'm supposed to be.

But really, they're boys, right? What did I expect.

Emotions?

I Am Woman, Hear Me Sing!

I love being a woman!

And I love belonging to the largest women's organization in the world: The Relief Society of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

I know there are people out there who think that Mormon women are relegated to a lower status and have no power.

Whatever.

After our general meeting broadcast on Saturday, I feel like the most powerful person in the world.

I was reminded of all the influence I have as a woman. In my home, in my community, in the world.

I loved the music that they chose for the meeting. The words had such meaning to me.

First, I loved that we sang the 7th verse of 'How Firm a Foundation':

The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose
I will not, I cannot, desert to his foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I'll never, no never, I'll never, no never, I'll never, no never,
no never forsake.

( Can you tell that I really like that word never!)

Then for the closing hymn 'As Sisters in Zion':

As sisters in zion, we'll all work together;
The blessing of god on our labors we'll seek.
We'll build up his kingdom with earnest endeavor;
We'll comfort the weary and strengthen the weak.

The errand of angels is given to women;
and this is a gift that, as sisters, we claim;
to do whatsoever is gentle and human,
To cheer and to bless in humanity's name.

How vast is our purpose, how broad is our mission,
if we but fulfill it in spirit and deed.
Oh, naught but the Spirit's divinest tuition
Can give us the wisdom to truly succeed.

When I was serving a mission my I changed the 3rd verse to: how vast is our purpose "we're broads on a mission!" And I've already discovered that wisdom comes from experiences.

So, let me give you my interpretation of that last verse.

What is my mission? To serve others. But, only God can give me the experiences I need to succeed. (Whether I think I want those experiences or not.)

So what am I trying to say?

Just that I love being a woman - ROAR!!!!!