Re-Run

So I just sent my fifth child off to kindergarten.

She was soooo ready to go.

I was almost sad sending her off, but she just walked right in without looking back and didn't want me to come in or anything.

She has been waiting forever for this day. Watching all of her older siblings go.

It was only a couple of years ago that I was thinking that she would be my last one. I was so excited as I looked forward to that moment of having no children at home.

Now, here I am at home alone with my two "bonus babies".

Part of me wonders why I don't feel frustrated that I still have babies at home instead of my first plan.

But I know I am privileged to have them.

Part of me is giddy with the thought of only having 2 kids at home. (We are going to have so much fun!)

I'm sure that day will come when I finally do send the "last one" off to school. But for now I will enjoy this time in my life.

Even if it does feel a bit like a re-run.

Worth It

I have an 18 month old. (again)

She is a terror.

One day I was particularly frustrated with her. But, at night she finally let me rock her before she went to sleep. (she has never done that before)

My heart totally melted while I held her and Irealized, this is what makes it worth it.

All the tantrums and naughtiness I can deal with, if I can just hold her close to me for a little while.

Then I thought about my teenager.

She is not a terror, but not far from it some days.

And I realized that I don't get a chance to wash away those feelings by holding her and rocking her to sleep.

So what can I do instead to make me realize that it is all worth it?

Laughing with her, crying with her, letting her become more than I think she is ready for.

Of course it's worth it.

Snap Out Of It!

Saturday, I got to experience what a rubber-band feels like.

I left a place where I have the lived the longest time of my married life.

It was physically painful to drive away. (I seriously almost had to pull the car over.)

I remember I had a similar feeling when I left my mission. I felt like I was leaving a part of me behind.

This time was even harder.

I feel like since I have lived there, I have become who I want to be. Not a perfect person by any means, but I feel as if I found myself.

That has everything to do with the people I associated with; my friends.

So, as I drove away I felt so stretched - - I did not want to leave and I felt that I would break at any moment.

But then I felt that I was being propelled further ahead to my new life with a determination to live the way I had been taught by the friends that I was leaving.

So as painful as the stretching was, I know that it was a means for me to be a better person.

I will serve greater, give more generously, and love more freely.

And I will never forget how I got where I am.

Rings

Just a shout out to my kids new primary teachers (whoever they may be):



WE DO NOT NEED ANY MORE CTR RINGS!



This comes as I am packing and organizing my house. I have found at least 5 rings on the floor in random places. Not to mention the dozen or so rings that are tucked away in various jewelry boxes.

Please do not believe my child when they tell you they don't have one or that they lost theirs.

Not true!

Believe me when I say that I am not against "choosing the right" or kind primary teachers or the joy on my child's face when they show me the shiny new ring with a huge smile on their face.

I am against the dents these rings leave in my feet when I step on them.

And I am against the welt it leaves in my child's finger (not to mention the green stain) from the total 1 & 1/2 hours they may wear it.

And have you heard the sound they make when the vacuum is trying to suck them up? Yikes!

I guess I should just throw them away, but that seems sacrilegious. (Honestly can anyone say they would be comfortable throwing one of these away?)

In these hard economic times, I would think this is an area that we can cut back on.

I guess we could just recycle them back to the primary closet (but then you wouldn't get those lovely plastic bags they come in either).

Time

So I haven't really been in the blogging mode lately. But I feel like I should probably write something. For the past four weeks I've spent a lot of time sitting. And I've read a lot of books. Here is the list of what I've read:

The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society
The Cellist of Sarajevo
The Hobbit
The Lord of the Rings
The Host
The Mysterious Edge of the Heroic World
Austenland
My Antonia
The Last Olympian
Queste
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
39 Clues book 3
The Optimist's Daughter

Yes, this is what I do with my time instead of sleeping now. But, if you are looking for a good book to read, or if you've just read one you want to share, let me know. My reading splurge should end sometime in the next month or so.