Losing Faith

The first time my husband was out of a job was about 5 years ago. 

We knew it was going to happen and decided that we were going to have to have a lot of faith to get through it.

I knew that having a trial like this would not make me lose my belief in God.  And I wasn't sure there was anything that could make me question my beliefs.

But, as unemployment continued, I kept thinking that I wanted to increase my faith.  But how could I believe anymore than I already did?  And just believing that God would help me was not really changing anything.

It was then that I started studying faith.

And knowing that faith is an action, I decided to substitute the word obedience in all of the scriptures about faith.

It was life changing.

"Now faith obedience is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen

But without faith obedience it is impossible to please him; for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him"  Hebrews 11:1,6

The only way I could increase my faith would be to increase my obedience to God.

My obedience included studying my scriptures, praying more fervently, seeking ways to serve.

And blessings came.

Not just employment for my husband, but a greater knowledge and closeness to my Savior.

The next time my husband was out of work, I was ready.

I stepped up my obedience.

And once again I felt strengthened.

Having that closeness with Christ helped me realize that even if the blessings that I was seeking did not come in this life, it would still be ok.

But, blessings did come and we got a great job.

I felt so much gratitude.

All of my prayers were giving thanks for the help that we had received.

But, I stopped asking for things.

How could I ask for anything else when I had already been so richly blessed?

And in my reluctance to ask for anything from the Lord, I became less diligent in searching the scriptures.

And since I wasn't searching for anything specific in the scriptures, my prayers became less meaningful.

And then without the Spirit that comes from scriptures and prayers I did not receive any inspiration on how to serve.

And then even my gratitude began to lessen.

In short, being less obedient made me start losing my faith.

It was surprising how fast it all happened.

Me, who thought I could never go through anything hard enough that would make me lose my faith, began to lose it after receiving great blessings.

"Therefore, wo be unto him that is at ease in Zion!

"Yea, wo be unto him that saith: We have received, and we need no more!" 2 Nephi 28: 24,27

I then had a "brother of Jared" experience. 

His family was led by God through the wilderness until they came to the great sea.  There they camped for four years.  And then the Lord came again and talked with the brother of Jared

"for the space of three hours...and chastened him because he remembered not to call upon the name of the Lord." Ether 2:14

I wonder if the brother of Jared felt like me.  He was so grateful to have been led by the Lord that he felt he really couldn't ask for anything more.

But, the Lord was not done with him.

And the Lord is not done with me.

The Lord is never done with any of us.

It is up to me to continue in obedience faith.

Fixing the Kids

Here's a discovery that I have made:

My job as mom is not to "fix" my kids and all of their problems.

Because, let me tell you, they have them.

Problems, personality issues, mental challenges, etc.

And when I start to focus on what I need to do to fix these things, it's overwhelming.

But, really, it's not my job to be the fixer.

I really think that my job is to love my children unconditionally and support them as they try to figure out their life. 

I can give suggestions and ideas and support, but ultimately its not up to me to fix them.  It will be up to them to figure it out. 

We all were children at one time.  And we all had our issues (we still have our own issues).

But eventually we figured it out, moved on, and became reasonably functioning adults. 

And it didn't happen by someone forcing their "fix" on us. 

It came about by growing and stretching on our own. 

Usually in an environment that fostered that growth.

So my job as a mom is to create that type of environment, where my children feel accepted, see good examples of what they would like to be, and create a desire within to "fix" themselves.

My Thoughts on Homeschooling

Since we were job hunting at the beginning of the school year, I gave my kids the choice of starting school, and perhaps moving in the middle of it, or just being homeschooled. 

Secretly, I was hoping they would choose to stay home.

I have been wanting to homeschool my kids for a while.  I can't exactly say why.  We have, for the most part, had wonderful teachers and schools.  So it wasn't that. It's just really something I wanted to do.

The two oldest decided to go to the high school, but my 3rd, 5th, and 7th grader chose to stay home. 


I could not be happier about this decision!  I love it!

I love not having to rush my kids out of the door in the morning. 

I love not having to remember how long my kids read for and signing homework papers while trying to rush them out the door. 

I love that we don't have extra homework.  When we are done with school, we're really done. 

I love that we can be done with our school close to lunchtime.

I love that we can learn about interesting things all together instead of the kids learning separately. 

I love that I'm learning as well as my kids. 


And although I sometimes often long for that feeling of relief when I finally got them out the door.
 
And I miss having a bit more quiet time; and time to get chores and shopping done.

And the kids are together all the time so there's more chance of annoying each other and getting on each others nerves.

And there are many days when it's time to get started on school and there is a lot of whining. 
And screaming. 
And complaining. 
And fit throwing when they make mistakes.  

And I'm pretty sure that if they were in school most of that wouldn't happen. 

I wouldn't trade it.


I like knowing what my kids are learning and who they are hanging out with.  It makes me happy when they do play happily together, like right now.

I'm pretty sure there are not a lot of 12 1/2 year old boys who play make-believe like mine. 

I think it might have to do with what little outside influence he has on him.

Now, I know that I can't protect my kids from the world forever.  And I don't even feel like that's why I'm homeschooling. 

Except for the fact, that I'm their mother. 

And why not take as much time as I can teaching them what they need to know to survive in this world. 

Rather than leaving it up to others.  (As remarkable a job as they might do.)

And I'm not clueless to the fact that my kids will need other mentors in their lives.  I'm just not sure I want their mentors to be other kids at school who I may not know.


I'm still figuring this all out.

I have tried to be very structured like some books that I have read. 

But I'm starting to get more relaxed and realize how I want to do it.  And figuring out what works best for each of my kids.

My almost 5 year old is pretty sure she wants to go to regular school.  (Mostly so she can eat lunch there.)

My plan is to take each year and child individually and see what will be the best for them. 

But, the thought of not having to send another child to school again, makes me very happy.

service

friendship

humor

hard work

sacrifice

love 

listening

faith

What do these things all have in common?  They were taught to me by my  mother.

Today is my mom's birthday.

Am I allowed to say that I had the "bestest" mom in the whole world.

And I'm not the only one who thinks that.  I'm often told by others how lucky I am that she's my mom.

One of my first posts was about her.

I think the best gift we can give our mothers is to live the things they have taught us.  (and no, that's not just a cheap way out!)

Happy Birthday Mom!  I love you.

My Blog "Marathon"

I have always wanted to do a marathon. 

And I really hope to run one someday. 

But,for now, I've decided to do a marathon blog instead. 

My plan is to post something every day for 26 days. 

There are a couple of reasons I want to do this.  But, mostly I feel the need to create something.

And hopefully combat the depression that comes this time of year.  (You know the kind that comes from no sun and freezing cold temperatures!)  

Anyone else want to join me?  I love reading other people's blogs.

And just so you know, I'm totally counting today and yesterday, so I only have to post 24 more times in a row!