Losing Faith

The first time my husband was out of a job was about 5 years ago. 

We knew it was going to happen and decided that we were going to have to have a lot of faith to get through it.

I knew that having a trial like this would not make me lose my belief in God.  And I wasn't sure there was anything that could make me question my beliefs.

But, as unemployment continued, I kept thinking that I wanted to increase my faith.  But how could I believe anymore than I already did?  And just believing that God would help me was not really changing anything.

It was then that I started studying faith.

And knowing that faith is an action, I decided to substitute the word obedience in all of the scriptures about faith.

It was life changing.

"Now faith obedience is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen

But without faith obedience it is impossible to please him; for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him"  Hebrews 11:1,6

The only way I could increase my faith would be to increase my obedience to God.

My obedience included studying my scriptures, praying more fervently, seeking ways to serve.

And blessings came.

Not just employment for my husband, but a greater knowledge and closeness to my Savior.

The next time my husband was out of work, I was ready.

I stepped up my obedience.

And once again I felt strengthened.

Having that closeness with Christ helped me realize that even if the blessings that I was seeking did not come in this life, it would still be ok.

But, blessings did come and we got a great job.

I felt so much gratitude.

All of my prayers were giving thanks for the help that we had received.

But, I stopped asking for things.

How could I ask for anything else when I had already been so richly blessed?

And in my reluctance to ask for anything from the Lord, I became less diligent in searching the scriptures.

And since I wasn't searching for anything specific in the scriptures, my prayers became less meaningful.

And then without the Spirit that comes from scriptures and prayers I did not receive any inspiration on how to serve.

And then even my gratitude began to lessen.

In short, being less obedient made me start losing my faith.

It was surprising how fast it all happened.

Me, who thought I could never go through anything hard enough that would make me lose my faith, began to lose it after receiving great blessings.

"Therefore, wo be unto him that is at ease in Zion!

"Yea, wo be unto him that saith: We have received, and we need no more!" 2 Nephi 28: 24,27

I then had a "brother of Jared" experience. 

His family was led by God through the wilderness until they came to the great sea.  There they camped for four years.  And then the Lord came again and talked with the brother of Jared

"for the space of three hours...and chastened him because he remembered not to call upon the name of the Lord." Ether 2:14

I wonder if the brother of Jared felt like me.  He was so grateful to have been led by the Lord that he felt he really couldn't ask for anything more.

But, the Lord was not done with him.

And the Lord is not done with me.

The Lord is never done with any of us.

It is up to me to continue in obedience faith.